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Quotes of the Week for March 25, 2018
LUCIFER
“I can’t believe Maze used me. She ruined hugging!”
Ella (Aimee Garcia) gained a hug, but lost a key card
SUPERNATURAL
“We do the same thing. We go to spooky places, we solve mysteries, we fight ghosts.”
“Except our ghosts don’t wear masks. And we don’t have a talking dog.”
“I don’t know. Cas is kind of like a talking dog.”
Dean (Jensen Ackles) and Sam (Jared Padalecki) compare their reality to that of Scooby-Doo
SUPERNATURAL (Bonus Quote!)
“That was the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me! And that includes the Cartwright twins.”
“What did you do with the Cartwright twins?”
“I don’t think I want to know.”
Dean (Jensen Ackles), Castiel (Misha Collins) and Sam (Jared Padalecki), upon their return from being zapped into a Scooby-Doo episode
MODERN FAMILY
“You have a farmer’s tan!”
“What have I told you about that expression? I can say it, but….”
Cam (Eric Stonestreet) warns Mitchell about slinging slurs
SHADOWHUNTERS
“I just assume everyone has slept with Jace at this point. It’s only a matter of time before I sleep with him, too, I guess.”
We don’t think Simon (Alberto Rosende) realizes just how much fan fiction this line inspired
THE MAGICIANS
“Giving people s—t is easy. Taking it away is almost impossible. Like Obamacare. Or herpes!”
Margo (Summer Bishil) just gets it
ARROW
“I figured out how to unlock the Hellraiser cube!”
Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) has one up on Pinhead
TIMELESS
“Thank you, dear, but any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.”
We’re kind of in love with actress/inventor Hedy Lamarr (Alyssa Sutherland)
TIMELESS (Bonus Quote!)
“I want something new, something different, but the same, and that sells, but wins awards.”
The movie business in a nutshell, courtesy of Paramount President Barney Balaban (James DuMont) during the Time Team’s trip to Hollywood circa the 1940s
THE LAST MAN ON EARTH
“Karl, we send you our thoughts and prayers as you hurtle, screaming, on your terrifying journey to Hell. Heck, you’re probably chewing on Bill Cosby’s gallbladder right now, washing it down with a warm cup of diarrhea. I don’t know much about cannibalism. I assume that’s how it works.”
Tandy (Will Forte) paints a nauseating picture while giving the eulogy at Karl’s funeral
SILICON VALLEY
“You’re going to look like Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. Maybe tonight you’ll fall for a radiant sex worker!”
Jared (Zach Woods) has high hopes for Richard as he hands him a tux to wear to a swanky tech gala
DC’S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW
“Do you know how hard it is to get an acting job in Fresno?”
The actress (Iris Quinn) pretending to be Ava’s mom explains why she would sign up for such a years-long charade
SCANDAL
“You lost your right to give moral lectures when you ordered your father to shoot me in a basement.”
This line, spoken by Quinn (Katie Lowes) to Olivia, is the kind of thing you will only hear on Scandal
BROOKLYN NINE-NINE
“Famous kids are monsters. You do not want to meet Young Sheldon.”
“Really? Ugh, that’s disappointing. He was so good in Big Little Lies.”
Doug Judy (Craig Robinson) tells Jake (Andy Samberg) about one of TV’s biggest little stars — and we really hope he’s lying
GOTHAM
“Anyone else want a shot at the title?”
Barbara (Erin Richards) brutally dispatches with the first League of Shadows member to contest her Demon’s Head status
ROSEANNE
“Well, looky here! ‘Written by Roseanne Conner.’ This would have sold like hot cakes if only you hadn’t killed off the most interesting character.”
Dan (John Goodman) stumbles upon the manuscript that killed him off in the original 1997 finale
ROSEANNE (Bonus Quote!)
“You’re looking very fit. Apparently all that weight you lost was the ‘good Roseanne.'”
Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) struggles to see the good in her Trump-supporting big sis
MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.
“You filthy calamari Mata Hari…”
Talbot (Adrian Pasdar) has plenty of nicknames for the Hydra-hailing Hale
BARRY
“It’s about talent, for sure, but mostly it’s about passion. I mean, do you think Meryl Streep and Kaley Cuoco became stars just because they’re the best? No, it’s because they wanted it the most.”
Sally (Sarah Goldberg) tries to light a fire under Barry, who isn’t sure he has what it takes to make it as an actor
SUPERSTORE
“You have better hand-eye coordination. I can’t be wasting my time playing Star Trek video games all day.”
“Uh, it’s Star Wars.”
“Same diff. They’re just ugly people floating in space.”
If Mateo (Nico Santos) knew how mad this mix-up would make Garrett (Colton Dunn), he probably wouldn’t have said it
BLACK LIGHTNING
“Dad… how do you use the bathroom in your suit?”
Jennifer (China Anne McClain) asks the tough questions
WILL & GRACE
“Wow, you’re tan.”
“Like Moana. But thin, like Pocohantas.”
“I wish I could fly away like Aladdin.”
“Well, you’ve never had a friend like me.”
Joyce’s (Sara Rue) Disney come-on to Will (Eric McCormack) doesn’t sound very PG
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