Rick and Morty Returns: Grade the Bloody, Emotional 'Premiere'

Rick And Morty Recap

All kids cope with divorce differently. Some retreat, others lash out — and a rare few thrust themselves into a Mad Max-style dimension to work out their aggression through mindless bloodshed. I think we all knew which avenue Rick and Morty was going to take.

Fortunately, like Summer, we “f–ing love post-apocalyptic versions of Earth,” so we were all about Sunday’s long-awaited return. Sure, some aspects of the gang’s new life left much to be desired — we pretty much draw the line at eating human flesh — but Summer’s love affair with fellow “death stalker” Hemorrhage was truly one for the ages. She saw the man under the bucket and behind the mustache. And if that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Morty, meanwhile, was predictably hesitant to embrace the scavenger lifestyle, though he eventually found his calling in the Blood Dome, courtesy of a genetically enhanced arm — named Armathy, because why not? — that helped satisfy his unquenchable thirst for Jerry-related vengeance. (“Who wants to be my dad?” he taunted his potential opponents. “Who wants to be my p–sy of a dad?”) Morty was saddled with his new arm, plus all the ‘roid rage that came with it, until each of Armathy’s enemies had been vanquished, a quest that ended in a bath-time ambush I think we’d all rather forget.

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Unfortunately, once all the excitement died down, the crew’s new post-apocalyptic life turned out to be just as tedious and soul-sucking as the one they’d left behind — especially for Summer, who basically turned into her mother (complete with an unfulfilling marriage!) by the end of the episode. Perhaps that’s what inspired her to bring ol’ Jerry a housewarming gift, the skull of the first mutant she killed in the Poison Zone, as “a reminder not to look back.”

And what was Beth up to during the three-ish weeks that Morty and Summer violently worked through their daddy issues in an alternate dimension? Besides the fact that Beth rarely bothers to ask questions anymore, Rick temporarily replaced her kids with a pair of (mostly) lifelike robots, one of which tried to pull a Pinocchio and will itself into existence. (Seriously, when Rick promised Morty that this would be the “darkest year of our adventures,” he wasn’t effing around.)

Additional thoughts:

* Burn of the night…
Rick: “Do you guys ever use that thunder dome, or do you just put it up for decoration?
Rando: “Uh, do you mean the blood dome?”
Rick: “Save it for the semantics dome, E.B. White.”

* Which part of Season 3’s new title sequence left you with more questions: Beth walking in on Morty watching porn, only all of the eyeballs and butt cheeks in the scene have been swapped? Or the group of Morties helping each other escape from what appears to be a college dorm… for Morties?

* I’m not a hopeless romantic for believing that Beth and Jerry have a future, right?

* If you missed this week’s post-credits scene, it’s definitely worth going back. (I mean, it’s always worth going back, but especially this week.)

Now, you tell us: Was Sunday’s Rick and Morty worth the wait? Grade the episode below, then drop a comment with your full review.