Game of Thrones Recap: The Reek Shall Inherit the Worst

Game of Thrones Season 5 Recap

Ramsay Bolton: Such a sadistic jerk, such an accomplished dinner party conversationalist.

This week’s Game of Thrones finds Roose Bolton’s bastard taking every opportunity to make two of his least comfortable meal companions feel even less at home — and while his behavior is terrible and his motivation deplorable, God help me, I kind of enjoyed it. (Yes, I’m probably going to hell, and yes, Cersei, I’ll make sure the bar is stocked before you get there.)

Let’s take a look at what happens in “Kill the Boy.”

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HOUSE STARK | Ramsay’s lady, Miranda, is jealous of the attention he pays to his betrothed. “Do you think she’s pretty?” she asks. (Watch how you answer, Ramsay; Miranda may take that razor-sharp hipbone of hers and slice you somewhere sensitive.) Her jealousy bores him, “And you remember what happens to people who bore me,” he warns. Then they have angry, standing-up sex in front of a window.

The nice old lady servant from a few episodes back gets a message to Sansa. “You still have friends in the north. If you’re ever in trouble, light a candle in the highest window of the northern tower. You are not alone,” she says, and the elder Stark daughter looks appropriately skeptical. If I were Sansa, I wouldn’t trust anyone about anything, anytime. (Is this the message we hear Brienne asking a man to take to Sansa, or a ploy designed to hurt Ned and Catelyn’s kid? Thoughts?)

Take, for instance, Miranda, who acts like she’s befriending Sansa but then leads her directly to Reek’s kennel cage, forcing their reunion. “Theon,” she says in shock, but he just shakes his head. He later confesses the encounter to Ramsay, who pretends to forgive him for keeping secrets but who engages in the aforementioned rude behavior at a family dinner with Walda, Roose and Sansa. He calls Reek in to pour more wine and mocks them both, then forces the Dung Heap Formerly Known as Theon (who was kind of a dung heap even before) to apologize to Sansa for murdering her two brothers. Then he informs Sansa that Reek will be giving her away at the wedding. But wait, Ramsay, your dad is about to prove you are but a dilettante in the ways of the mindf—k: He and Walda announce that they are expecting a baby, and they’re fairly certain it’s a boy. (This, of course, threatens Ramsay’s position in the family lineage.)

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HOUSE TARGARYEN | Barristan Selmy did not survive the alley brawl, “butchered by cowards who hide behind masks,” Daenerys notes as she sheds tears over his body. She commands that all the leaders of Meereen’s great families be brought before her — even the one who’s on her council of advisors. With a calm face and absolutely no figs given, she has the family heads marched before her dragons and pushes one man forward to be flambéed alive and torn in half by her hungry “children.” It makes a point. (Her advisor is safe, however.)

“But what about Grey Worm,” you ask? He survived the fight but says he “failed” Barristan, Daenerys and everyone who depended on him. His last thoughts as he went down, he tells Missandei, is that he’d never see her again. And so she lays beside him and kisses him gently. (I guess we’ll get back to that whole why-would-an-Unsullied-be-in-a-brothel thing from a few episodes ago when he’s all healed up, eh?)

Dany meets with her imprisoned advisor and announces that she was wrong; she’ll reopen the fighting pits to free men. And she’ll marry the leader of an old Meereenese family. “Thankfully, a suitor is already on his knees.” (Heh.) Congrats, dude: You’re not only going to live, you’re going to be Mr. Mother of Dragons!

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THE MEN OF THE WALL | Maester Aemon receives a dispatch about Dany’s growing problems and laments that he is so far away. “A Targaryen alone in the world is a terrible thing,” the old man says. Jon takes Aemon’s mind off the troubles by asking for advice on giving a command that will alienate half the men. “Kill the boy and let the man be born,” the maester says. (He’s speaking metaphorically, which is important to note on this carnage-heavy show.) Jon meets with prisoner of war Tormund Giantsbane and issues a command: Go north of The Wall and collect the freefolk so they can fight alongside the Night’s Watch in the coming battle. “Your people need a leader, and they need to get south of The Wall before it’s too late,” he says. Tormund grudgingly agrees, but with one caveat: Jon has to go with him to plead his case in person.

Jon’s brothers are not. down. with. his. plan. “We can learn to live with the Wildlings or we can add them to the army of the dead,” Snow argues. “Whatever they are now, they’re better than that.” Perhaps maddest of all is his assistant Olly, whose parents were slaughtered by wildlings while he watched.

Stannis later finds Davos and announces they’ll march at dawn, and Melisandre, Shireen and Lady Selyse will accompany them — an idea Davos thinks is ill-advised. “I’m not scared,” Stannis’ kickass daughter tells her knight pal. “I am. When the battle comes, promise you’ll protect me?” he responds. Dear Game of Thrones: Please do not kill Shireen and/or Davos. Thanks!) Melisandre gives Jon Snow a pointed look, then Stannis’ men depart for Winterfell.

HOUSE LANNISTER | Tyrion and Jorah are still on the dinghy when Tyrion notices that they’re going to Meereen via the ruined city of Valyria, Dany’s ancestral home. And guess what they see there, taking wing over the ruins? A dragon. And guess what attacks them right after? Stone men. “Don’t let them touch you!” Jorah yells as Tyrion tries to protect himself, still bound. Remember how Gilly said those with greyscale started acting like animals? These guys are doing much the same — and when one knocks Tyrion overboard and starts dragging him down to the bottom, it looks like the youngest Lannister is done for.

Fortunately, Tyrion comes to on land as Jorah cuts him free. They both say that none of the men touched them, thus passing along the greyscale. “Thank you for saving me,” Lannister says grudgingly. But he doesn’t see Jorah turn away and roll up his sleeve, revealing a patch of scaly skin underneath. Looks like having no wine, Tyrion, soon will be the least of your problems.

Now it’s your turn. What did you think of the episode? Sound off in the comments!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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28 Comments
  1. Real world, getting stoned might be kind of fun. World like Game of Thrones, not so much…

  2. AngelWasHere says:

    Aw I’m so bummed about Joran. First he gets put in the friend zone by Kahaleesi, than he gets kicked out, and now he has greyscale. Does this guy ever get a break? lol

  3. D. says:

    the Grey Worm storyline seems boring and out of place, maybe it just because he’s a nothing in the books I guess since they are diverging so much from the books I can start dropping spoilers since they probably won’t happen

    • KCC says:

      Please don’t. Even if you’re not spoiling the show, you’re spoiling the books. Thank you.

    • Joey says:

      While they still managed to put in some good scenes in this episode, I kept thinking, “Why are you wasting time on the likes of Grey Worm, Missandei, Olly, and Myranda?”

  4. Dr.Sally says:

    So Slow this season and I thought S4 was slow….oh my god plz

  5. m3rcnate says:

    I’m assuming (by how slow these past episodes have been) the final few episodes of the season will be going full speed? Jon Snow out in the wild, Jorah and Tyrion finally meeting up with Kahalessi, the Viper’s family in Kings Landing, Sansa being rescued and the Bolton’s being killed by Stannis, Brienne and Pod, hopefully Ayra at this time is becoming a ultra badass and learning how to face change or something. Hopefully all of this starts happening in the next few episodes because 1-5 have been fairly boring and slow.

  6. abz says:

    I agree with hours. It doesn’t feel like anything’s happened these five episodes. I’d be okay with the pace if it weren’t for the fact that we’re already halfway through the season and we’ll have to wait another year for anything to happen if this pace doesn’t quicken.

  7. ninergrl6 says:

    Besides the Jon Snow scenes & the last few minutes with Tyrion & Jorah getting attacked, overall boring episode. Maybe I missed the drama & debauchery of Kings Landing?

  8. ScottJ says:

    Slow? How on earth was that episode slow? The storylines that were included all moved forward quite substantially, and rather nastily in several cases.

    • Veronica says:

      There weren’t enough deaths to feed the lions. People wan blood, not character development!

    • jerseygirl says:

      I agree w/ you. It was a good episode. We’re in that stretch of Book 4/5 – both of which tend to plod forward in a building to a bigger thing. Everything progressed. In fact, at times I felt it was almost *too* fast. Lik I think several pieces were actually from ‘late book 5’ and I’m thinking “Wow, maybe they will skip ahead of the book before the end of THIS season. (and they already have in some ways…)

    • AnnieM says:

      I’m guessing everyone who thinks things are going slowly have not read the books. Those of us who HAVE read them are wondering if they cut so much that they will be OUT of book before season’s end. Lol. :-D

      • Veronica says:

        I haven’t read this far in the books (I stopped at the equivalency of last season), but I don’t think it’s going too slowly. I think it’s building to a crescendo.

  9. KCC says:

    I liked the episode and think the series is progressing nicely. It’s a 70 hour TV series, not a two-and-a-half hour Avengers movie. I like getting the story of the motivation for the action in more than one sentence of exposition like a movie would do. It’s “Game” of Thrones and we’re getting to see the strategy of the players and how they adapt to other players moves. Action scenes, like sex scenes, get the blood flowing, but too many get just as boring as only having scenes with dialogue. Different people have different preferences. The balance the producers strike will never please everyone.
    …As sharp as Miranda’s hip bones are, I don’t think they’ll protect her from Ramsey once he finds out she’s trying to sabotage his marriage to Sansa.
    …Since Joffrey’s demise, Ramsey has to be the sickest character on the show and I’m looking forward to see how he gets his just deserts.
    …I think Sansa can trust most of the people of the North and that the message the old lady delivered came from Brienne.
    …I was glad to see Dany use her “children” to show everyone who’s in charge.
    …Sometimes even an unsullied just wants to be held, it’s not always about sex.
    …They do have a lot set up for the second half of the season and I hope there are some big payoffs coming.

    • AnnieM says:

      re: The Unsullied – Really! Just because their manly parts are gone, doesn’t mean they can’t fall in love, feel emotions, etc. And as far as ‘fear’, etc, since Dani became their leader, for the first time they are being treated like human beings, rather than unfeeling killing machines, which is bound to stir up emotion in at least some of them.

    • Laura says:

      I thought I was only one that noticed her hip bones. It was distracting how painful they looked.

  10. I think by Joran you mean Jorah Mormont?

  11. Liz says:

    NOT JORAH! PLEASE Game of Thrones show runners, do not hurt/kill Jorah! I want him next to Dany, and her on the Iron Throne.

  12. Joey says:

    At least this episode had some good Theon scenes. Come on, now, D&D, I know Sansa’s meant to take the place of Jeyne Poole this season, so don’t screw up Theon’s arc too badly.

  13. AnnieM says:

    Since things have been changed so much from the books, I am still hoping they bring in Strong Belwas….

  14. CourtTV says:

    I was completely distracted by the actress who plays Miranda’s hip bones!

  15. AngelWasHere says:

    I felt Iike this ep was a bit more exciting than the last few, but I agree the season is going really slow. Some things are being really dragged out. I don’t need to see deaths every ep, but some of these storylines need to move along a little more faster.

  16. Flashrow says:

    Am I the only one who always feels a gay vibe between Ramsay and Reek? Whe he said on your knees I was waiting for a BJ :p

    • AngelWasHere says:

      lol omg yes! I was thinking the same thing during that scene. I got scared for a min. xD

      Ramsey seems like the type who would get off on dominanting anyone. Male or female. Well that’s how I see him for now.

    • AnnieM says:

      HA! First I thought that. Then I thought he might chop off a finger or two – I can’t remember if he’s done that to him yet on the show.