Quotes of the Week From Empire, Vampire Diaries, Housewives and More!

Happy Day-After-Valentine’s Day!

We’re not giving you candy or roses or diamond jewelry — but rather, a collection of the best TV zingers, retorts and one-liners from the last seven days.

Yep, the latest installment of Quotes of the Week contains skepticism on The Bachelor, bootyliciousness on Empire, an I Love Lucy reference on The Mysteries of Laura, double shots of Fresh Off the Boat and Last Week Tonight and much, much more!

So click through the gallery below for the full shebang, then hit the comments and tell us any great zingers we inevitably missed!