AHS: Coven Recap: A Hard Axe to Follow

ahs-coven-325In this week’s American Horror Story: Coven, not one, not two but three more of our witches are forced to take the episode’s title literally and “Go to Hell.” (At this rate, there won’t be enough of them left at season’s end to play a decent game of light as a feather, stiff as a board. Paging Fairuza Balk… ) For whom does the hour “spell” disaster? Read on and find out!

ROUGH JUSTICE | After her search for Marie leads to Delphine’s old house — where the made-over murderess is rewriting history as a tour guide — Queenie offers her frenemy one last shot at redemption. When the unapologetic racist turns down the chance (and makes it clear that she’s still just as awful as she ever was!), the human voodoo doll stabs her… which actually kills her, thanks to a brilliant technicality: Since Delphine has chopped Marie into a million pieces, she no longer is able to fulfill her immortality contract with Papa Legba — in other words, she’s as good as dead to him. And, since Delphine couldn’t die so long as Marie lived, she now can — and does — croak, too. Mind you, that isn’t the end of the nemeses’ story: Transported to their own private hell  — Delphine’s attic — by Papa Legba, Marie is doomed to spend eternity torturing innocent Borquita while her mother is doomed to spend eternity watching!

EYE SPY | At first, it appears that in spite of her gruesome sacrifice, Cordelia hasn’t regained her gift of second sight. (When she touches Madison, for instance, she gets no sense of what the movie starlet did to Misty.) Later, however, when Fiona — again/still making a show of preparing to kick the bucket — presents her with her grandmother’s necklace, boom! She has a vision of the future in which the fading Supreme has had the Axeman slaughter everyone at Miss Robichaux’s — even her own daughter! Newly emboldened, the blind seer pays a visit to Mom’s boyfriend to let him know that, when she leaves New Orleans, she’ll be doing so without him. (Ruh-roh!) After that — hey, she’s on a roll — she locates Misty and, with Queenie’s help, frees her from her (well, somebody’s) tomb and resurrects her.

THEY’RE BAAACK | No sooner have runaways Zoe and FrankenKyle returned to Miss Robichaux’s — having resurrected a surly hobo, she’s now certain that she’s the next Supreme — than an epic (black) catfight breaks out between Misty and her attempted murderess, Madison. In other words, it’s pretty much business as usual at the girls’ school. That is, it is until the homicidal Axeman storms in looking like Sissy Spacek at the end of Carrie.

Turns out, after his conversation with Cordelia, he got Fiona to admit that she was ditching him. And she didn’t love him. And she never had. And she wasn’t even capable of love. And, just as she was launching into a monologue about a calico cat that seemed destined to be this year’s squirrel speech, he axed her, emphatically and repeatedly, then deposited her remains in the swamp. “That’s it, then,” quips Misty. “Even I can’t bring somebody back once they’re gator s—.” And, though Myrtle makes a case for letting the killer live — she’s sick of it being “bloody blood blood all day in this place!” — the wannabe Supremes dispatch him in the same stabby manner as their ancestors.

Okay, your turn. Were you shocked that we lost Fiona, Marie and Delphine all in the same episode? (Or do you suspect we haven’t seen the last of them?) Are you looking forward to the witches performing the Seven Wonders? Who do you think is the next Supreme? Cordelia’s been so ineffectual for most of the season that my money’s now on her as the “surprise” victor. Lotsa good quips, from Queenie (who figured Delphine would return to her old home just like “a dog returns to its vomit”), Fiona (who hoped, after Cordelia’s visit to the Axeman, that “she’s in the bathtub”) and, of course, my beloved Myrtle (who likened Zoe to “Halston when he sold his brand at J.C. Penney”). Hit the comments!