AHS: Coven Recap: The Eyes Have It

American Horror Story Coven HeadIn this week’s American Horror Story: Coven, Cordelia loses her visions but regains her vision (in grisly fashion, of course), Marie turns a blind eye to a big threat (with disastrous results), Delphine — what’s left of her — refuses to see the error of her ways (at least at first), and we behold a spectacle we never thought we would. What is it? Take a gander at the recap below, and all will become clear…

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GETTING A HEAD | Early on in “Head,” Fiona — chatterbox full of Delphine in tow — shows up at Marie’s not in hopes of reinstating their truce but in hopes of forming an alliance. As she tends to, the voodoo queen blows her off, saying, “Witch hunters is white women’s worry” (with a cockiness that pretty much guarantees she’ll soon be eating her words). Meanwhile, at Delphi Trust, the corporation (lowercase C) that acts as a front for the Corporation (uppercase C) of witch hunters, Hank is called out by his CEO father for… well, pretty much every effort he’s ever made. “You don’t take initiative,” Dad reminds the screw-up, “you follow orders.” Mind you, the order that is of the greatest concern to Hank quickly becomes the one that Marie (painfully) issues: Finish off the witches of Miss Robichaux’s that evening… or else!

STRIFE LESSONS | Though Marie tells her new ward to burn her old foe’s head, Queenie instead keeps Delphine in her room, where, in spite of her lack of a stomach, her appetite remains undiminished. “What are you gonna do,” Queenie asks when the noggin wants a snack, “chew it and s— it out of your neck?” She isn’t keeping her frenemy around as a pet, mind you. She’ll give her the “sweet release” of death — AFTER she’s come to understand the hell she and her kind put their slaves through. Step 1: Play the “stubborn old lady head” a DVD of Roots…

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WHERE’D YA GET THOSE PEEPERS? | After needlessly reassuring Cordelia that she isn’t responsible for blinding her (the Corporation is, we learn), Myrtle slaps Quentin and Cecily with “human statue syndrome.” Sure, she’s mad that they burned her at the stake, but “I’m not going to kill you,” she insists. Well… “Maybe after dessert. I put a lot of effort into the key lime pie.” And indeed, kill them, she does — after using a melon baller to remove one of each of their eyes to restore Cordelia’s sight… a feat which inadvertently takes away her gift (curse?) of second sight.

HELL’S ANGEL | When the teenage witches visit a comatose Luke at the hospital, Joan accuses them of mocking her grief. “Not your grief,” Madison clarifies. “Maybe your outfit.” The holy roller briefly bonds with Nan when the clairvoyant is able to prove she is reading Luke’s still-very-much-alive mind. (They even — gasp! — hug.) But the détente is short-lived: When Nan says Luke says Joan killed his father (with bees, no less!), Joan throws the girls out and begins to smother her son with a pillow! (Good Lord, wasn’t the bleach enema enough?!)

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THE DOGS OF WAR | After FrankenKyle sends Fiona’s guard dog to heaven, she raises his IQ by enough points that he can play gin rummy and installs him as Miss Robichaux’s new security system — and not a moment too soon, it would appear. Elsewhere, Hank is opening fire at Marie’s salon, wounding Queenie and her mentor before the human voodoo doll is able to put a bullet in her own brain, thereby bringing down their attacker! Off that assault, who should come knocking at Fiona’s door — do my eyes deceive me?! — Marie! Guess that alliance against the witch hunters is starting to look a little more like a good idea, eh, chere?

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? As much fun as beheaded Kathy Bates is, my favorite parts were Fiona’s interactions with Myrtle (threatening to exile the “charcoal briquette” to Paramus, New Jersey) and Hank (who was surprised that she got a dog, because, “You hate animals… and all other living things”). I also liked the mind-screw of Queenie blowing out her brains. Even though we know she’s a human voodoo doll, it still took me a second to realize she wasn’t committing suicide. Nice that Patti LuPone got to sing, too (even if her weepy “Just a Closer Walk with Thee” was no “Rose’s Turn”). Your thoughts? RIP, Hank, Marie’s crew, cute doggie…