True Blood Recap: Decisions, Decisions

true blood season 6Although Sunday’s episode of True Blood is titled “Dead Meat,” none of our regulars actually perish. (Not even Arlene, whose hangover from last week’s bender I could’ve imagined being lethal.) However, Sookie does make a decision that at first makes her pulse race and eventually will stop her heartbeat altogether. WTH? Read on. I’ll explain…

LUCKY STIFF | At Sookie’s request, Barlow agrees to help Billith save all our contract fangers from the Sun Parlor of Doom, provided that a) Billith doesn’t kill him afterward, and b) she consents to become his vampire bride. And, while the half fairy is fine with the first demand, the second one, she grapples with — mightily. She reaches out to Jason (via a tearful voice-mail message), tells Sam that she imagined a future for them (at just about the worst moment possible — more on that later) and finally visits her parents’ gravesite, having concluded that she’d “rather walk the earth as a corpse” than be laid to rest next to them. (Ouch.) But, when the bride-to-be gets all dolled up — it’s a nice day for a black wedding! — and takes Billith to fairy land, Barlow appears to be (but c’mon, can’t actually be) dead! Maybe he’s just a bloody napper?

V FOR VENDETTA | Meanwhile, Eric — reeling from Nora’s gory demise — lashes out at Billith, then sets in motion his own plan to (presumably) save Pam and Co., and bring down Vamp Camp. Step 1: interrupt Adilyn’s topless make-out session with Holly’s son, Wade, to drink her fae blood and become a daywalker. Step 2: er, TBD. (That said, wouldn’t you have thought Step 2 would be accepting Adilyn’s thanks for interrupting the aforementioned topless make-out session with Wade? She can do better. Just wait till they reopen the fairy Studio 54.)

WILD KINGDOM | After smacking down would-be packmistress Rikki and her gang of hirsute Pink Ladies, Alcide returns Nicole and her mother to Sam. The good news (because it certainly isn’t Nicole’s safe return): Now the fellas are pals again. The bad news: The fellas have (literally) sniffed out that, unbeknownst to Nicole, she’s pregnant. So, when Sookie comes by Merlotte’s to throw a Hail Mary pass Sam’s way, he’s in the middle of telling the clueless mom-to-be that he loves her, she can’t leave Bon Temps, etc., etc.

ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS | Arlene is all kindsa verklempt when Lafayette reveals to her that, days before his passing, Terry took out a $2 million life insurance policy. She’s even more agitated when her husband’s family tries to include a 21-gun salute in the shooting victim’s funeral proceedings. (So tasteful.) Yet, in the end, she’s convinced to keep the money and let Terry’s killer go.

THE HARD CELL | Back in Vamp Camp, Violet — who’s so tough that she isn’t even cowed by Pam — makes Jason her bitch. “Please don’t rape me,” he whimpers. (She doesn’t — for now, he’s just her private bag lunch.) James saves Steve from drinking the tainted Tru Blood, so of course, in return, the lily-livered ex-reverend thanks him by spilling his guts to Sarah. And, after brutally murdering the Tru Blood boss lady aca-armed with only religious fervor and an impractical stiletto, Sarah has Steve, James, et al ushered into the Sun Parlor of Doom…

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? Hit the comments.