* Nigel Lythgoe in a hoodie, attempting animation
* Wayne Brady threatening to strip down for the incomparable Cat Deeley
* Sexy tapper Aaron rocking a pair of pants with a crotch saggier than a baby’s diaper the morning after downing a Big Gulp
Okay, okay, that last image crossed some kind of line (taste? grammar? basic metaphor construction?), but in my defense, it’s a tough job to fully digest 10 disparate routines unleashed in the course of 120 minutes. But tough or not, it is my duty — and my livelihood — so let’s break down the Week 1 performances with an eye on separating the pretenders from the contenders, the pimped from those who’ve already been tied to the railroad tracks.
And with that, let me turn things over to you. What did you think of this week’s SYTYCD? Who was best in show? Who will and should be at risk? Take our poll below, then sound off in the comments, and for all my reality-related news, recaps, interviews and videos, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV!