Mistresses Recap: 'Do a Lot of People Do This?' 'You'd Be Surprised'

Mistresses Sam Karen KissThis week’s Mistresses posed a variety of provocative questions: As a psychiatrist, is it ever OK to lip-lock with the (possibly unhinged) son of your dead patient/former lover? (Helllll, naw!) “How do you accidentally kiss a lesbian?” (After the Nth round of martinis?) What deal has Alyssa Milano cut with the devil to completely suspend the aging process? (Also, is said arrangement available in a “regular mortal” variety? I’m asking for a friend, of course.) And finally, how in tarnation do you write a recap after witnessing a from-the-towel-clad-waist-up camera pan of Australian dreamboat Brett Tucker (as Savi’s hubby Harry)? Let’s find out, shall we? (Also: I just used “tarnation” in a sentence!)

Hey, just because Mistresses is summer’s most addictive guilty pleasure doesn’t mean it won’t leave you with anything to think about!

With that in mind, let’s boil down the action for our quartet of protagonists — while raising pertinent questions we’ll need to see answered in their futures:

SAVI | The episode kicks off with a panicked Savi getting her pregnancy confirmed by her gynecologist, then sharing the news with April and Karen — a scene that ABC’s promo department showed us before last week‘s episode (grrrrr). Savi spends most of the hour offering legal advice to April about the paternity suit against her late hubby, and simultaneously trying to find out if she can determine the father of her own little fetus before she starts showing. Turns out, the answer is yes — but it’ll cost her. “Do a lot of people do this?” she asks her new doc. “You’d be surprised,” he responds. And so Savi ends the episode collecting the blade of her hubby’s razor — and all his DNA-rich stubble (purrrr) in the process. Oh, did I mention, Savi prioritizing her medical crisis means she’s been bumped off the Sullivan case in favor of Dominic — which is what she wanted in the first place, just not with her getting a scolding for being flaky in the process?

Key questions: Is Savi’s career trajectory about to wake up next to Karen’s dignity (behind a back-alley dumpster)? How is Harry getting better-looking every week? Shouldn’t Savi have waited till Harry left for work before collecting his razor blade? And wouldn’t his toothbrush have been an easier thing to replace, along the lines of “Honey, I replaced your toothbrush because it was looking all kinds of manky!”? (Okay, yeah, then we would’ve been robbed of that shaving scene. I hear ya.)

JOSS | Joss goes on a hike with hot lesbian client Alex — and then Alex’s hard-charging ex shows up, yanks the tags off Joss’ workout clothes and notes, “You must not do this much.” Oh snap! After Savi tells her not to insert herself (unsolicited) into Alex’s personal affairs, Joss accompanies her new pal to a lesbian jewelry party (it’s L.A., just go with it) and when some chick gets all up in Alex’s grill, Savi pretends to be her significant other and plants a kiss on Alex’s lips.

Alex, however, isn’t amused, and storms off — until she shows up later at Joss’s and announces she’s broken up with Sally. She spends the night at Joss’s, gets breakfast in bed, and tells Joss she’s a good friend — which puts a smile on Joss’s face so genuine and wide, I can’t pretend it didn’t touch me a little. It’s nice for Joss to have a friend whom she’s not borrowing from Savi, no? But is Alex a friend, or a friend-friend, if I ain’t being too subtle?

Key questions: Where in the party-toilet house was Joss’s new boss Olivier this week? Also: Isn’t the Joss-Harry friendship just one step past the border of comfortably sibling-y and into the territory of disconcertingly flirty? I mean, take Harry’s response to Joss’s lycra hiking gear: “Seducing another personal trainer, are we?” Or Joss’s demand for a fresh espresso in exchange for not discussing with Harry hers and Savi’s menstrual cycles. Deep down, I think it’s merely family closeness through Joss’s lack of filter, but my TV veteran side worries this could turn into an affair. (Please don’t, Mistresses writers!)

APRIL | Miranda, April’s “dead” husband’s baby mama, sends her attorney to make financial demands on April (complete with “lab results” proving paternity), and with Savi’s advice in the mix, April agrees to meet face-to-face with the woman. Miranda is surly at first — demanding special lattes from April and sharing that her hubby had made up his mind to leave her and be with a pregnant Miranda right before he — ¡¡¡WENT MISSING ON AN OCEANIC FISHING TRIP!!! ¿¿¿WHAT???

When Miranda’s son (or is he a hired model?) Scotty takes a tumble and needs medical care, April steps up for the uninsured Baby Mama, prompting Miranda to note that the situation would “be a whole lot easier if you weren’t a good person.” Miranda, however, doesn’t label herself under that heading — she’s a bad bitch, yo, and she seems to be getting off on it! The episode ends with her paying off the “lawyer,” who turns out to be merely an actor who wouldn’t dig in and ask too many nagging questions. Ladies and gents, we have a con artist in the house!

Key questions: Savi won’t let April shell out 10 cents till they’ve conducted their own independent paternity testing, right? And “disappeared on a fishing trip” is to “faked his own death” as “Do we have fruit in the fridge?” is to “Get me some ice cream, please, dear,” right?

KAREN | Karen gets in her car the a day or two after helping Sam through his DWI and sees his wallet in her car. “You gotta be kidding me!” she sights, and I’m all, “Grrrrrrrrrrl, that’s exactly what I was thinking!” I mean, she has to be joking that she’s not just gonna drop this in an envelope and mail it to him, right? But no, Karen goes and tries to shove the wallet into Sam’s mailbox — and he bumps into her in the foyer, uses some lame excuse about Karen needing to see his ye-olde-timey camera (which promopted him to drop out of Brown — WHA?!) and then manages to convince our TRAINED AND PRESUMABLY LICENSED THERAPIST to stay for dinner. Karen has enough sense left to pretend she doesn’t know where the glasses are housed (this was hers and Sam’s dad’s love nest, after all), but doesn’t know enough to flee the scene when A) She dissolves into tears after Sam reads a note from his dead dad about following one’s passion; B) Sam cranks up Young Jeezy on the stereo; C) Sam gets closer to her than two pieces of filo dough in an oven while reaching for a water glass. She harshly rebuffs the kid when he finally goes in for a smooch: “No, Sam, we did not have a moment.” (But ya did, Blanche! Ya did have a moment!) And when she takes off, Sam dramatically destroys the tablescape he’d so carefully laid out. (Gasp! What would Sandra Lee say?)

Key questions: Who’s the most dangerous: Dominic, Sam, Alex or Miranda? (Please rank them from most- to least-menacing in the comments.) At this point, would you be upset if Karen’s license was revoked? What happened to her smokin’ hot colleague Jacob? And why can’t I shake the idea that Karen is the prey in a long con/psychological-legal trap set by Sam and his mom?

Week’s Best Quotes
4) “Fancy! Glad I wore a bra.” –Joss, arriving at the “lesbian jewelry party”

3) “Shut your lady-loving lips! You hooked up with men?” –Joss, responding to Alex’s confession that she used to date doods

2) “Unfortunately, bitches still have legal rights.” –April, discussing with Savi the paternity suit against her late hubby

1) THIS exchange:

Nurse at Savi’s doctor’s office: “Patients who make same-day appointments sometimes have to wait.”
Savi: “Until the second coming?!

OK, for the fourth straight week, I’ve passed the 1,000-word count on an article about FREAKIN’ MISTRESSES! Let me turn it over to you: What’d you think of the show this week? What key questions do you have? Sound off in the comments!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Tinemi says:

    Answering the “most dangerous” question:
    1) Sam
    2) Miranda
    3) Dominic
    4) Alex

  2. S says:

    *This show is getting to be so addicting. I know it probably is a 1 season and done kinda thing but it’s actually not terrible. I have watched so much other bad shows, especially in the summer, so this isn’t bad at all. Plus I love Joss. She is the best part of the show. I don’t think she is in it enough. I didn’t like Karen’s storyline at first but I am very intrigued now that she has had several moments with the son of her dead secret boyfriend.

    *From most dangeorus to least is—Miranda(she is using a child to extorte money), Sam(kid’s gonna lose it when he finds out about his dead dad and potential girlfriend’s relationship), Dominic(he doesn’t know what the hell is going on, but he is still a possibility of Savi to hook up with), Alex(she and Joss have a good connection and seem to be right for each other, but that Sally person isn’t going away.)

    *Quick note…Cartridges aren’t too hard to replace. Most people have more than one. If she took the whole razor, rather than just the blade then I would have thought it was dumb, but it’s not that bad. I think I would notice a new toothbrush over a new cartridge on my razor.

  3. Most Dangerous starting first.

    Dominic – it’s too much riding on this situation. Let’s say the baby is his. We all know she is thinking about an abortion so Harry never finds out. It’s still early enough but Dom would have to be ok with that if she tells him. It’s just all a mess and what if the office finds out. What if the baby is Dom and she has to tell Harry. It’s just a mess.

    Miranda – I honestly hate this bitch. We all know she is lying. She is messing with April’s life and I LOVE April. I want this to go to court and this check not see a penny of April’s money.

    Sam – What’s the worse that can happen? Karren loses her job and get sued. There are far more pressing issues going on. Karren pretty much deserves whatever she gets. She’s been pissing me off why can’t she leave these people along. I don’t think Sam is apart of the conspiracy… Just his mom.

    Alex – Worse case. Joss won’t make the sell or loses her job because Sally says she slept with the client or Sally becomes crazy and tries to fight Joss. Last worse case Alex has an STD which I doubt.

    Pissed abc interrupted over the damn black hawks game. … Can’t wait till next esp.

    • GTS says:

      There isn’t that much riding on Dominic, comparatively. At worst, a marriage is broken up, but only if it is his baby. Miranda can con April and take her money. Sam can get Karen’s license revoked, and sent to jail (??? Is this possible? She did give him morphine.).

  4. Soopah-Soopah-Soopah says:

    Is April’s husband faking his death so he can run away with Miranda WITH his money and WITHOUT April knowing he ran off? That, or did Miranda off him, having this plan the whole time? Also, the name of that DNA test whatever was phonetically “Genocide”, right? That’s cringe-worthy.

    • the girl says:

      Except it’s been years since he “died” according to April so why would he and Miranda wait that long?
      My real question is, why would April meet with Miranda at ALL without Savi present? If Savi is going to represent April’s legal interests, they should make different moves immediately. Savi should set up a meeting between both attorneys, the news of which will likely scare the con artist off. But I am afraid that Savi’s distraction (the pregnancy!) is going to cause April to make serious missteps in handling this.

      • Luckee87 says:

        Remember there was a delay with the life insurance settlement and the calls from Miranda only started after the life insurance made payment. My suspicion is that April’s husband and Miranda are in on it together. In terms of most dangerous to least: 1) Sam 2) Miranda 3) Dom 4) Alex.

  5. GeoDiva says:

    Your recaps are better than the actual show!

  6. LaLa says:

    Disclaimer 1: I love this show. Disclaimer 2: I know TV involves a slight suspension of reality.
    OK, now, why the heck is April even talking to this Miranda chick without DNA test results and her lawyer present? Excuse me – her BEST FRIEND IS A LAWYER! and she doesn’t have the good sense to do this thing in the proper way? A little too bone-headed for me.
    The same sentiments for Karen. I understand she’s supposed to be drawn to this family, but if she’s been able to get away unscathed so far (what with prescribing lethal doses of morphine, and all), then shouldn’t she have the good sense to stay away? I mean, really, does she not have an assistant who can screen these calls and put wallets in the mail and such? Just asking . . .
    Otherwise, I am enjoying Savi’s and Joss’ storylines a little more.

    • Kim R says:

      You mentioned the 2 things that irked me last night. I must admit I wouldn’t be watching if there was anything else on but I have to wait the next day to see Major Crimes etc. so….I watched again. Is “Karen” not the worst actress? And the scenes with her and the kid were so bad. I felt like I had tuned into a really low budget movie. The storyline is ridiculous. What is she thinking?? And April, no lawyer or proof of her own…..Savi being one and not pressing the issue…..like I said. Irked.

  7. Dave says:

    This show reminds me of how much fun it was to watch mindless fun like Melrose Place back in the 90’s.

    This is a fun little sudser that is turning out to be suprisingly watchable!

    Sometimes soaps like Revenge end up taking themselves too seriously and get too convoluted in plotlines.

    Im thoroughly enjoying this so far! And Joss is so damn charasmatic!! She is by far my favorite

    • harleyb says:

      I’m sorry but I thought I was the only person that says (constantly), “but ya did Blanche”! I literally laugh out loud reading these recaps, but that made me laugh & smile at the same time (which probably made me look bizarre, just like Bette). LOVE YOU!

  8. KD says:

    1) Sam – I agree with you. I think he knows and he is working with his mom to bring Karen down. The mom is just too trusting. She has to suspect Karen esp after she gave the drugs.

    2) Miranda – Once I saw Dondre Whitfield as the picture of the dead husband, I figured (hoped) he would still be alive.

    Dom and Alex aren’t dangerous, Savi and Joss just need to keep it together.

    I wondered about Joss and Harry too, they seem pretty chummy. I feel like Harry has better scene with Joss than with Savi.

  9. Babygate says:

    It’s hard to admit that this show is in fact, very addicting. I was looking forward to Under the Dome, but had to watch Mistresses first. Even though I get a little grossed out by Karen’s storyline. She had an affair with a client and then continues to put herself in compromising situations with the son. It’s creepy. April is so nice and so .pretty…I hope she gets the hunk for keeps. Joss is just hilarious. She’s my second fave after Savi. I have to admit I’ve never been an Alyssa Milano fan, mainly because of all of the personal drama when she was younger, but she has earned my respect as an actor. She’s just fantastic. And Harry, just stand there shirtless and reciting the alphabet in your Aussie accent and I’m happy.

  10. Joyce says:

    I don’t watch the show but I keep seeing articles about it and I have to ask – what is wrong with people? This show looks like pure trash! Have you no taste? Blah! No wonder TV has gotten so awful – it’s because people have no standards!

    • Luckee387 says:

      It’s about fun! Not everything has to be critically acclaimed awards bait. I personally pride myself on loving PBS and being able to let my hair down and indulge in pure brain candy. Perhaps you should lighten up. Why would you take the time to pull up the recap for the “pure trash” then expend time and energy to leave a comment about how much you disapprove? To each his own; why not allow those of us who like the trash alone?

    • Thisguy says:

      Yet you read the recaps and take time to post about how lame it is. No one says you have to watch it.

  11. crispy says:

    So this article finally convinced me to watch the show. Dang you Slezack, now I am hooked. It reminds me of Chick Lit, does not require deep thoughts or an emotional investment. Just something light and fun.

  12. G says:

    I would go with 1. Sam – violent outbursts may not think rationally and do something else crazy. 2. Miranda – seems like a crook that knows what she is doing. 3. Dominic – not much danger unless we learn the child is his. 4. Alex – doesn’t seem like a threat at this point, though her previous girlfriend Sally might be trouble down the road. So far this has been a pretty good summer show. Also angered at Karen for being such a dunce, but I also try and remember that if these characters act all rational then we would have a very boring show! ;)

  13. Dear ABC,

    I love this show. Please don’t cancel it. Please and Thank you.


  14. blancaster60 says:

    I’ve recorded all of the episodes but haven’t wathed them yet. I’ll probably have a Mistresses marathon on a day when (a) I decide to stay in and get plastered, (b) I’ve lost all of my self-respect, or (c) both (a) and (b).

  15. Tara d says:

    Does anyone else get an Andrew McCarthy vibe from Sam? The 80’s girl in me is totally crushing on him (even though he’s clearly crazy)