The Walking Dead Recap: Close But No Cigar

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????In this week’s episode of The Walking Dead, Andrea breaks out of Woodbury in hopes of warning Team Jailhouse that the Governor has no more interest in honoring the (insane) deal he offered up than a biter has of dining at a salad bar. But, of course, her plan goes awry in pretty much the worst imaginable way.

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THE $64,000 QUESTION | The hour opens with a flashback in which Michonne — arguably the toughest chick on TV (and inarguably one of the Top 5) — almost cries when Andrea asks if she knew her “pets” before they were turned. “They deserve what they got,” Michonne replies. “They weren’t human to begin with.” Okay, some major (and obviously majorly ugly) history there…

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS | Back in present day, while the Governor builds Michonne a torture chamber that looks like a gynecologist’s office in hell, Milton blabs to Andrea not only that ol’ One-Eye wants her former protector but that, even if he gets her, he’s gonna slaughter the rest of Team Jailhouse, anyway. “I have to kill him,” she says. Well, duh! Carol could’ve told you that — and did — weeks ago! Though Milton stops Andrea from shooting Cyclops when she has the chance — are you daft, man?! — and refuses to leave Woodbury with her, he does encourage her to hit the road and save her old friends.

NEW KIDS ON THE (CHOPPING) BLOCK | After Tyreese and Sasha let Andrea jump the wall, tensions flair between the Incredible Hulk and Allen. “Don’t screw up our new home life,” the 98 lb. weakling (basically) whines before admitting that he’s still pissed that Tyreese was able to save his (now-deceased) wife and he wasn’t. (What is this, The Real Househusbands of Woodbury County?) Later, the guys go at it again when Tyreese refuses to help round up biters with which the Governor insists he’s just going to scare Team Jailhouse. (Yes, he just wants the zombies to scare them… the same way the zombies always want to come closer because they just want a hug.)

TURNING POINTS | As Milton (it seems clear) begins to man up — by setting fire to the stores of biters — the Governor chases Andrea through an abandoned warehouse with the shovel he (again, it seems clear) intends to use to dig her grave. She escapes by feeding him to a stairway full of biters, only to have him catch up with — and grab — her just before she makes it safely inside the prison gates! (How’d he make it out in one piece? Do the undead fear pirates?) When last we see Andrea, she’s gagged and tied to the terrifying dentist’s chair that the Governor had intended to be Michonne’s (seated) last stand.

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? Which was scarier — the Governor’s implements of torture or his incessant whistling? Do you think Andrea will survive the season? Sound off below!

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