Gossip Girl Recaplet: Not-So-Sage Wisdom

The gossip is out! Monday night’s episode of Gossip Girl unveiled the truth about Nate’s new love, brought back two familiar faces and set up a partnership that could make the Upper East Side crowd very angry. Below, we review the episode’s biggest surprises.

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NATE GOES YOUNG… VERY YOUNG | The Spectator boss finally finds a love interest closer to his own age. Unfortunately, she’s also underage and the daughter of Serena’s new boyfriend, Steven, who decks Nate. “It’s legal. I checked,” Sage reassures her man, but it’s still weird. Along those lines, which hook-up is more creepy: Nate and his high school-age gal or Rufus and Ivy? Most disturbing of all, though? The thought of Serena as a stepmother. It is, however, refreshing to see her and Nate display some self-awareness about their romantic track records – remember Aaron Rose and Bree Buckley? – in the following exchange:

SERENA: You’re right, we’ve made terrible relationship choices.
NATE: Or as Patti Stanger would say, our pickers are broken.

As for Sage’s feelings about her dad’s new girlfriend, they can pretty much be summed up by this: “No one in high school reads Gossip Girl anymore. It’s for old people.” Still, her vow to break them up makes us think she’s not Serena’s biggest fan.

THE LOSERS SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH | The launch of Blair’s new line rests heavily on a Women’s Wear Daily profile and, naturally, she manages to dig herself into a hole before it even starts by insulting the reporter: former classmate and rival Nelly Yuki! To top off Blair’s troubles, con artist/face from the past Poppy Lifton is getting some WWD attention alongside Queen B, and their designs use the same material. Blair accuses Nelly and Poppy of conspiring against her; they aren’t. Nelly simply lets B do what she does best — self-sabotage — which ends with her escorted from Serena’s fancy charity party with no article and no inspiration fabric. Bottom line: She has to start the line from scratch. As Tim Gunn would say, “Make it work!”

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THE SPECTATOR’S NEW COUP | Nelly also manages to impart some wisdom to Dan during her return. “They’ll never let us in,” she tells him. “The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can stop trying and start competing… We have the truth. That’s how the losers win. We stop playing by their rules and make our own.” That’s all it takes to make Dan give Nate the go-ahead to publish his Upper East Side tell-all in The Spectator. But if Humphrey is at risk of alienating his friends and family, wouldn’t Nate be doing the same by running the piece? After all, the people Dan has written so scathingly about are also those who he counts closest to him. Or is finding a new “get” for the site’s relaunch more important? Is Nate surprisingly ruthless?!

BART DOES IT AGAIN | Not a huge surprise here: We learn Bart slept with Amira in the past. However, the translator still has no idea which secret he’s trying to keep hidden. It isn’t until the episode’s end that she finally remembers that there was a man she and Bart spent time with during his business trip to Dubai; she then sends a photo of him to Chuck.

Gossip Girl fans, what did you think of Nelly and Poppy’s returns? What was the episode’s biggest surprise? Sound off in the comments!