Next week’s Glee is so pivotal, it could change the lives of not one, not two, not three, not four… Wait, yes, four. It could change the lives of four — count ’em, four! — characters: Puck, Rachel, Kurt and Coach Beiste. And that’s just the first of the eight tantalizing teasers that TVLine has procured to tide you over ’til Tuesday.
7. There’s a spoiler right there in the episode’s title: “Choke.” (Hint: No one was on the receiving end of a Heimlich maneuver.)
6. Handed a plot in which Coach Beiste shares a surprising dark secret about her relationship with Cooter, Dot-Marie Jones makes a compelling case for herself to win that guest-star Emmy.
5. Rachel and Kurt’s NYADA auditions elicit polar-opposite verdicts from the school’s dean, played by special guest Whoopi Goldberg. (Oh, and for those of you who felt that Kurt was given short shrift this season — take it from us, this hour will more than make up for it!)
4. Underachiever Puck’s slim chances of graduating prompt Finn to stage a “bro-vention.” (Or would that be a “him-tervention”?)
3. There’s a gratuitous Blaine boxing scene!
2. NeNe Leaks’ Coach Roz paints another metaphorically uproarious twisted picture of Sue’s demon spawn. This one includes “rabies and wings.” Of course it does.
1. The episode’s set list includes the songs below, sung by the characters below-er. Yes, below-er. Which means you can now try and match the song from the top list with the performer from the bottom list, which in turn means that this has to have been the most fun list of spoilers you have ever read. Right?
A) “Music of the Night” from Phantom of the Opera
B) Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out”
C) “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago
D) “Not the Boy Next Door” from The Boy From Oz
E) “The Rain in Spain” from My Fair Lady
F) Kelly Clarkson’s “Cry”
G) Florence and the Machine’s “Shake It Out”
H) Barbra Streisand’s “Don’t Rain On My Parade”
B) Kurt with Brittany, Tina and Mercedes
D) Puck, Finn, Mike, Blaine, Artie, Joe, Sam, Rory
G) Tina, Santana, Brittany, Sugar
H) Tina, Santana, Brittany, Mercedes, Sugar