The Bachelor Season Finale: And the 'Winner' Is...

It was billed as a battle of “Good Vs. Courtney,” and tonight one of those teams prevailed on the season finale of The Bachelor: Lummox With Increasingly Terrible Hair Makes Increasingly Terrible Decisions. If you haven’t watched yet — and have a burning desire to spend two hours watching Ben Flajnik mope around in offputting sweaters and loosened suspenders — then stop reading now. Otherwise, find out who “won” after the jump…

Going first in the lineup of drawn-out, possibly misleading “marriage” “proposals,” came Lindzi, decked out in a green velvet cape from the Beauty and the Beast Collection. “This is the moment girls dream of their whole life,” she declared as she took the unwitting walk to the emotional guillotine. And while Ben lamented how difficult it was going to be to let down a woman for whom he cared so deeply, he still participated in the franchise’s standard operating game of zig-zag-zig-knife-to-the-heart. “You are what I’ve looked for in a woman my entire life,” Ben told Lindzi. “I want you to know I have fallen in love with you [Sigh. Long pause.] But… [another long pause] I need those moments to last a lifetime. And I’ve found that with someone else. I’m sorry. I’m in love with someone else.” Naturally, instead of kneeing Ben in the groin and storming off in disgust, Lindzi absolved Ben of his reality TV sins: “I’m mad at myself for not giving you what you needed.” Jesus.

Next came Courtney in a white robe by Eyes Wide Shut. “I’m a good person. And good things happen to good people,” she said, prepping for the final rose ceremony and making former competitor Emily tear out her final remaining clump of hair and weep into her couch cushions. Ben told Courtney she was an “incredible woman” and they’d had incredible moments. “But,” he said, “I promised myself that I wouldn’t get down on one knee again unless I was certain it was forever. And I want to tell you that you’re my forever. You’re my forever. And I’ve waited a really, really long time to tell you that I’m in love with you. And that this whole experience and journey has been worth it every step of the way.” Somehow, even if ABC’s cameras didn’t catch it, you know girlfriend whispered one word under her breath: “Winning!”

Yep, Ben liked it and he put a ring on it.

UPDATE: I’ll post more updates from “After the Final Rose” as they happen…keep refreshing the page or come back at 11pm ET to find out how the “journey” concluded.

* Ben said Courtney’s worst, televised moments of bitchery toward her competitors this season “were the instances that led to Courtney and I not talking for a period of time while the show aired. We were essentially broken up.” [Collective gasp from audience. A gasp? Yes, a gasp.]

* “On my father’s grave, I haven’t kissed another woman, I haven’t hooked up with another woman, I haven’t cheated on Courtney. I’m not kissing those women in those photos.” –Ben, responding to Chris Harrison’s questions about tabloid photos of him lip-locking with another lady

* “He was initially, and then he abandoned me.” –Courtney, responding to Chris Harrison’s question about whether Ben was supportive of her during the media firestorm over her bitchy comments during the show

* “Yes, we’re together. I think.” –Courtney, responding to Chris Harrison’s question if she and Ben are still together

* “We’re engaged. We’re in a good place.” –Ben, responding to the same question

* Courtney still has trust issues. (Girl, your fiancé was considering other options 24 hours before he put a ring on it! That should’ve been a given!)

* MISTY EYES as Ben and Courtney re-watch Ben’s proposal.

* “That beautiful moment has just been soiled.” –Ben, talking about how his proposal lost some luster in the wake of tabloid coverage of his and Courtney’s relationship

* File under “Utterly Gross”: Chris Harrison reveals he’s been carrying Courtney’s engagement ring all day. “Are you engaged? And if so should she have a ring on her finger? Is that where the relationship is?” our smarmy host asks. Ben says yes, and slips the ring back on an ambivalent Courtney’s finger.

* Chris asks Ben if he thinks a marriage is likely to happen. “Yeah, I do! When? When? Who knows?” exclaims Ben. Yeah, that about sums it up.

What did you think of his decision? Sound off below!

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