The TVLine-Up: Your Guide to 81 Christmas Marathons and Specials

SATURDAY, DEC. 24
Doctor Who (BBC America, 12 am – 8 pm) | Relieve your holiday stress with a marathon of Christmas specials from the British sci-fi series, topped off by Doctor Who: Best of the Christmas Specials at 8 pm.

Ridiculousness (MTV, 2 – 7:30 am) | Clips of people getting hurt. Um, well, that’s a different interpretation of the Christmas spirit…

Harper’s Island (Chiller, 6 am – 7 pm) | The ill-fated CBS horror-thriller delivers a nightmare before Christmas.

Oddities (Science Channel, 6 am – Sunday, 6 am) | Spend 24 hours at Obscura Antiques & Oddities, and you’ll be treated to a new episode, “Holiday Bizarre,” at 9 pm on Saturday.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo, 6 am – Sunday, 4 am) | Scarier than anything you’ll see on that Harper’s Island marathon we just told you about.

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (Food Network, 7 am – noon) | Why is it every time you flip on the Food Network, this show is playing? Case in point: Also airs Monday, 6 pm – Tuesday, 4 am. That’s so Groundhog Day, not Christmas.

American Guns (Discovery, 9 am –4 pm) | In the first episode, someone wants a pink 1911 pistol. But no, Miss Piggy, you’ll put your eye out!

I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant (OWN, 9 am – 8 pm) | This needs to be a “Really!?!” segment on SNL. Can someone over there make that a New Year’s resolution, please?

Teen Mom 2 (MTV, 9:30 am – Sunday, 1:30 am) | What comes after I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.

NCIS (USA Network, 10 am – Sunday, 2 am) | It’s a “Three Wise Men”-themed marathon. Because they always come in threes…

Strangers With Candy (Logo, noon – 4 pm) | Way before she stole dairy from Eli on The Good Wife, Amy Sedaris co-created (along with Stephen Colbert!) and starred in this (way) offbeat Comedy Central series.

Dog the Bounty Hunter (A&E, 1 pm – Sunday, 4:02 am) | Not sure how they’ll stretch this out til 4 am. Everybody knows the paper towels are in aisle 2.

Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide (TeenNick, 1 – 9 pm) | Tell us your secrets, Ned! It’s all we want for Christmas, really it is!

Sex and the City (Style Network, 1 – 7:30 pm) | It’s a Season 3 marathon, which means you’ll doing a lot of screaming, “Aiden’s too good for you, Carrie!”

Sons of Guns (Discovery, 4 pm – Sunday, 2 am) | Want a flamethrower cannon for Christmas? These guys can build it.

Swamp People (History, 4 pm – Sunday, 4:02 am) | Shhh, be vewwy quiet! We’re hunting alligators.

Snooze-a-Thon (Sprout, 6 pm – Sunday, 6 am) | Simple but genius way to get kids to go to bed on Christmas Eve: 12 hours’ worth of clips from Sesame Street, The Wiggles, Pajanimals, Lazy Town and Berenstain Bears, featuring the popular characters… sleeping!

A Christmas Story (TBS, 8 pm – Sunday, 8 pm) | Watch the beloved 1983 film over and over and over. Or, if you prefer, just over and over.

Bob’s Christmas Eve Picks (TCM, 8 pm – Sunday, 6 am) | Host Robert Osborne returns with his handpicked classics: Margie, Auntie Mame, The Bishop’s Wife and Tenth Avenue Angel. But first: Miracle on 34th Street.

Christmas Crazy (Travel Channel, 8 – 9 pm) | Over-the-top Christmas displays include surfing Santas and some ginormous Christmas trees.

The Nerdist (BBC America, 9 – 10 pm) | Chris Hardwick takes a look back at the year in pop culture with celebrity guests, comedians, bloggers and podcasters. And no, we’re not miffed that we weren’t asked to participate. Not in the least. Hmmph. Stupid BBC.

The Graham Norton Show (BBC America, 10 – 11 pm) | A special Christmas edition of the UK chat show promises surprise guests and laughs. But does that mean the guests will be surprised, or we will? And will the laughs also be a surprise? Hmm…

Christmas in Chelsea Square (CBS, 11:35 pm – Sunday, 12:35 am) | The special, hosted at the Chapel of the Good Shepherd in New York City’s Chelsea district, will feature Scripture readings, choral works and musical performances.

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