It’s been almost 24 hours since what I would argue was American Idol‘s all-time worst results-show telecast — hey, at least Chris Daughtry and Tamyra Gray made it all the way to fourth in their respective seasons! — and I’m still reeling. How did the season’s most consistent (and arguably most gifted) vocalist, Pia Toscano, get booted so prematurely?
Yeah, yeah, I know some of you are gonna say, “Slezak, get over it! Pia was boring/emotionally distant/predictable/uninventive/blah blah blah!” But even if we agree to disagree on those points (and disagree I do), let’s be really real for a second: There’s no way anyone anywhere is going to convince me Pia shouldn’t have received an express pass to Season 10’s Top 5. If nailing every note of every song — and being among the best two or three performers for six consecutive weeks — wasn’t enough to at least outlast Stefano Langone and Jacob Lusk, then something in the milk ain’t clean, as the expression goes.
Anyway, with all the rage and sadness collecting in the pit of my tumtee, there’s plenty of blame to go around: to Idol‘s judging panel (get my thoughts on their failures here); to Nigel Lythgoe and the Idol production team (for failing to demand better of the judges, and for gifting Scotty and James with “girl mob” and “Hulk Hogan” moments, but never throwing a similar humanizing spotlight on female singers); to Jimmy Iovine, Will.I.Am, and their ilk (always worthy of some scorn, no?); to America (for its general voting heinousness); and, well, check out the rest of my options in the poll below.
In the meantime, I’ll express my own personal assigning of blame in musical form — to the tune of a Michael Jackson ditty described by Steven Tyler as one of the greatest compositions ever. Feel free to sing along if you find it cathartic:
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to count his votes
Idol ladies they’re all disappearers
If you wanna send a girl to the Nokia
And avoid another case of the Gokey uh
You gotta dial and text
While you got the time
‘Cause 20 votes won’t do
With Pia’s dreams on the line!
No need for a Standing O, thanks. Those are reserved for Scotty McCreery and James Durbin only. Sound off in the poll below, share your thoughts/rants/rebukes/lyrics in the comments, and do please follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV!