The X Factor Top 12 Performance Night: Follow Along With Our Snappy Judgments

Spoiler alert: Stacy Francis is going to go for a giant glory note, Rachel Crow is gonna be all gosh-darn-aw-shucks cutesy, and those gentlemen from Stereo Hogzz shall bust a move.

Yes, it’s Top 12 Performance Night on The X Factor — and also your first opportunity to get your vote on and challenge the authority of judges who prefer Dexter Haygood to Elaine Gibbs.

If that sounds like your kind of party, …READ MORE

The X Factor Recap: The Pledge of 17

The X Factor stage, with its 973 flashing screens, 1,247 spotlights, and floor covered in twinkling, cascading strobes, is reminiscent of a big-budget sci-fi movie, and that can cause the strangest kinds of daydreams:

No one ever gets eliminated on The X Factor. Instead, they are assimilated into Intensity, a Borg-like collective that operates with a single consciousness and questionable pitch, and is fueled entirely by the power of Tweets with the hashtag #xfactor …READ MORE

The X Factor Top 17 Perform: Follow Along With Our Snappy Judgments!

If you’ve already overdosed on bittersweet tears from Stacy Francis and Dexter Haygood, then please be advised that tuning in to Tuesday night’s live-performance episode of The X Factor — at the end of which five of the Top 17 will be unceremoniously sent to the guillotine — may be detrimental to your health. On the other hand, if you’re like Destiny’s Child and think you’re ready for this jelly …READ MORE

The X Factor Recap: Cry Hard, With a Vengeance

And the Emmy nominees for Best Supporting Object in the Trumped-Up Reality-Show Drama of The X Factor‘s Top 17 Announcement Episode are: Nicole Shapeshifter’s shimmering eyelashes; the pillow used to mop up Stacy Francis’ tears-and-mascara gravy; the matching “wedding bands” worn by …READ MORE

The X Factor Recap: Open House Party

Things I never anticipated seeing on The X Factor‘s second set of “Judges’ Houses” episodes: A microphone stand crashing against elegant pool tiles without making the slightest sound. A ragtag group of 10 children gleefully laying waste to the legacy of beloved music duo Hall & Oates. And a scene set in an elaborately staged junk yard featuring …READ MORE

The X Factor Recap: Home Is Where the Start Is

Things we learned from the latest two-hour installment of The X Factor: Nicole Shirthanger realizes she’s not L.A. Reid or Simon Cowell — she’s sorry about that! — but she’s a really hard worker. Paula Abdul “represents everything a woman wants to be” (at least according to a spelling-challenged member of all-female vocal act 2SQUAR’D who has never heard of Marie Curie, Madeline Albright, Mother Teresa, or …READ MORE

The X Factor Recap: Ranking the Top 32!

This just in: At 23 years of age, Whitney Houston’s mawkish 1988 ballad “One Moment in Time” has apparently reclaimed its power as an un-ironic, soul-stirring anthem that can accompany small-screen images of joy, triumph, and the overcoming of obstacles. How else to explain the melismatic octave changes and lyrics about “racing with destiny” that accompanied …READ MORE