The X Factor Recap: No One Wants to Be Defeated

“Paula Abdul is no longer a mentor,” a practically giddy Steve Jones informed us at the top of this week’s X Factor Top 7 performance show. But Strong Chin With Devastating Cheekbones (clad in double-breasted gray pinstripes!?!?) didn’t realize that his nemesis at the judges’ table wasn’t destroyed by last week’s ouster of Lakoda Rayne, but rather freed up to launch a sold-out tour of Cirque du Abdul: ¡Gobbledygook!

Indeed, Michael Jackson Week found Paula trotting out some of her loopiest critiques of the season, telling wee rapper Astro that …READ MORE

The X Factor Top 9 Performance Night: Follow Along With Our Pithy Live Blog!

There’s no denying the awesomeness of Thanksgiving — in fact, I just had a brief food fantasy about the whoosh of a can-opener breaking into a tangy container of processed cranberry sauce — but I’m a little more dubious about “Giving Thanks” as a theme night on The X Factor. I’ll say this: If it involves any of the Top 9 acts covering “I Believe I Can Fly,” “The Greatest Love of All,” or “Jesus Take the Wheel,” I’m going to start drinking this Sauvignon Blanc straight from the bottle. …READ MORE

The X Factor Recap: Rock, Shock, and Four Sniping Judges

In the words of REM — and now, Melanie Amaro — “everybody hurts sometimes.” Unfortunately for Nicole Schpelunker, hurting time may arrive during Thursday night’s results-show telecast, as two of the three acts in her “Over 30s” category look like good bets to meet the same fate as the 15 (!) vocalists TKO’d under Paula Abdul’s watch over the last two weeks.

How bad is the prognosis for LeRoy “Dorian Gray” Bell and Stacy “Paw in a Bear Trap” Francis? Well, …READ MORE

The X Factor Recap: Movie Violations

Things I don’t want to see ever again on The X Factor: Two-hour commercials promoting Adam Sandler’s latest “film.” Any/all of the judges channeling Randy Jackson in their critiques; back-critiquing performances they praised in the previous week; trying to take credit for …READ MORE

The X Factor Top 12 Performance Night: Follow Along With Our Snappy Judgments

Spoiler alert: Stacy Francis is going to go for a giant glory note, Rachel Crow is gonna be all gosh-darn-aw-shucks cutesy, and those gentlemen from Stereo Hogzz shall bust a move.

Yes, it’s Top 12 Performance Night on The X Factor — and also your first opportunity to get your vote on and challenge the authority of judges who prefer Dexter Haygood to Elaine Gibbs.

If that sounds like your kind of party, …READ MORE