Big Brother Finale Recap: We Have a Winner! And Some Issues!

Hours after Big Brother’s 13th season came to a glittery conclusion, I still feel like I’m standing on the gigantic butter churn, waiting alongside Rachel, Porsche and Adam both for strength and for the stench of gurgling dairy to fade. It’s rare that any BB ending feels perfect, but I think we arrived at a solution that (at the very least) seems appropriate. It’s just that it stinks, too. Like bubbling lactose. Spoiler immediately after the break. Read More

Big Brother Recap: Is the 'Worst Player Ever' Getting Smart?

With just six days before next Wednesday’s finale, Big Brother is almost done blaring a spotlight on each player’s game. Remember early on, when we spent a good week inspecting Dominic, wondering if he was a social savant or a totally futile houseguest? Remember when we examined Brendon, the zombie with comeback zeal? Read More

Big Brother Recap: 5 Telling Quotes from the 5 Remaining Houseguests

If you took a microscope to this week’s Big Brother, you’d find one uninspiring Petri dish. Our five remaining protozoa jiggled slightly, even splashing in a gelatinous undertow during the HOH challenge, but we’ve seen these Double Dare antics before. Even Rachel seemed bored when honking BRENNAAAAN’s name. That usually replenishes her electrolytes for up to 18 hours! Not so today. Read More

Big Brother Recap: Five Alive, Barely

After a brutal week of lessons that Porsche and Kalia won’t soon forget, Headmistress Chenbot flung her elimination ruler at either Shelly or Adam during Thursday night’s Big Brother. Did Jordan, Rachel, and Kalia vote to keep the sad non-competitor Adam or the all-beige matriarch Shelly? The answer may rile your electronic fortune-teller. Read More

Big Brother Recap: Operation Dummy Drop

No one likes to see seven minutes of entertainment stretched into an hour-long batch of pregnant pauses and fart speculation, but that’s exactly what we witnessed on Wednesday night’s Big Brother. It’s like how that Anne Hathaway movie One Day felt like it lasted two months, you know? To kill time, the P.O.V. episode turned itself into a meditation on Porsche’s poor decision to open Pandora’s Box for a $5,000 payoff. To be fair: Very bad move, Porsche! But to be fairer to us, couldn’t Zingbot have come back to harass her about it? Or David Hasselhoff? Read More

Big Brother Recap: Eviction Conniption

A thought occurred to me (!) about halfway through Thursday’s Big Brother: It’s all downhill from here. When Julie Chen sullenly declared that we’d witness a double eviction, I realized that dropping from eight to six houseguests jumpstarts not only a new leg of the game, but a new game. The old alliances? Warped and contorted beyond repair. The new lineup? A sinister tableau of underestimated, overblown, and fairly shell-shocked contenders. My verdict? Big Brother turned itself inside out and just became fantastic. And with this episode, the real fight begins. Read More

Big Brother Recap: Zing for the Moment

Yes, yes, we’ll get to the freakish results of the Power Of Veto competition in a short spell, but wait: Did Big Brother just bring back Zingbot 3000, the wisecracking robot who enters the manse for no reason, hurls insults at the remaining houseguests, and proclaims “ZING” after each punchline? Well, I’ll be: It’s the most human advancement of the season! Forget this dreary episode and the humiliating P.O.V. aftermath — we just watched these eight comatose bodies jolt to life thanks to the power of mockery. Lesson learned: We do God’s work when we call Rachel a braying hyena demon. Read More