Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Sanity Prevails!

Last night’s penultimate episode of Celebrity Apprentice began with four contenders and concluded with two. The bad news: Neither of them is pointy dragonling La Toya Jackson. The good news: It’s anybody’s game.

My evil commentary will begin in just a second, but first, please indulge the following metaphor: …READ MORE

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Cry, the Beloved Meat Loaf

Make sure you’re sitting in a comfortable space with a chilled beverage, because I have terrible news: Celebrity Apprentice was three hours long last night. Yes. Like the Today show or one of Gary Busey’s speeches about “heart” and “art,” it tacked on an extra hour without warning. When’s the last time you watched 180 minutes of anything, really? Titanic? Ben-Hur? La Toya Jackson chasing a Slinky? This episode was not nearly as epic as those things, but it did feature three eliminations and two challenges. Who survived and who didn’t? Join us for the rundown. READ MORE

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Star Wars!

Donald Trump’s yellow-orange hair thatch turned bright red this weekend after President Obama embarrassed him at the White House Correspondents Dinner. It was poetry in Prismacolor! Obama made crafty Celebrity Apprentice jokes (and namedropped Gary Busey and Meat Loaf), Trump scowled with the lifeless stoicism of Richard Hatch, and America cackled with the fire of almost two Dionne Warwicks. Is Ivanka’s dad finally through with his Obama diatribes? Trump’s not telling yet. He’s keeping it under his thatch! Adding insult to injury for The Donald, last night’s Celeb Apprentice was partially pre-empted on the East Coast with news that Osama bin Laden had been killed. D’oh! READ MORE

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: I Say A Little Prayer for Decency

Unspeakable things happened on Celebrity Apprentice last night, and I’m not talking about Gary Busey’s sentences. I’m referring to a challenge about stupid commercials, Jose Canseco’s “risque humor,” (which must be Trump code for “homophobia”), and the firing of a first-rate buzzard. Tragedy all around. Plus, Busey told us his johnson is nicknamed “Big Wednesday,” and he meant it. Because this show? Is kind of hell, for sure. But a fresh hell! Let’s relive and re-love it. …READ MORE

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Mutiny on the RV!

From Movieline.com’s Louis Virtel.

This season, “Celebrity Apprentice” is short for “The Sorcerer’s Celebrity Apprentice” because it’s a scary spectacle worthy of a Fantasia vignette. There’s the magical mouse herself, LaToya Jackson, decked in a wizard’s bandleader jacket. There’s the wise fox Mark McGrath alongside the shifty-eyed puma Dionne Warwick. Oh, and look, there’s Gary Busey — who is his own animated species. It’s a menagerie of mischief this year, and last night’s episode was yet another foray into the animal kingdom. Rowr. Let’s review. …READ MORE