Celebrity Apprentice Casting Rumors: Let's Put Odds on the First Nine Hopefuls!

A brave group of stars will endure inevitable outbursts of rage from their comrades, possible humiliation in front of millions of TV viewers, and close proximity to Donald Trump’s waking-nightmare hair on Season 5 of Celebrity Apprentice (aka Season 12 of The Apprentice). Let’s ponder the chances of the first nine would-be contestants whose names have leaked to the media — in order from least- to most-likely to win. …READ MORE

Celebrity Apprentice Finale Recap: Save a Horse, Hire a Cowboy!

Here’s the best compliment I can give both John Rich and Marlee Matlin, the two classiest Celebrity Apprentice finalists ever to sit across from Donald Trump and stare at his crust-colored hair thatch: They exhibited such intelligence and poise during last night’s two-hour finale that I almost forgot how dicey the season really was. Remember Nene Leakes’s remarks about La Toya Jackson’s Casper-like skin? Dionne Warwick’s powerful use of the word “hussy”? David Cassidy’s un-kneaded clay face? They all became distant memories as Rich and Matlin squared off at the final boardroom table, arguing for Trump’s final check like cocky southern lawyers in a Grisham thriller. Was the winner deserving? Join us for a recap of the (partly live) conclusion. READ MORE

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Sanity Prevails!

Last night’s penultimate episode of Celebrity Apprentice began with four contenders and concluded with two. The bad news: Neither of them is pointy dragonling La Toya Jackson. The good news: It’s anybody’s game.

My evil commentary will begin in just a second, but first, please indulge the following metaphor: …READ MORE

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Cry, the Beloved Meat Loaf

Make sure you’re sitting in a comfortable space with a chilled beverage, because I have terrible news: Celebrity Apprentice was three hours long last night. Yes. Like the Today show or one of Gary Busey’s speeches about “heart” and “art,” it tacked on an extra hour without warning. When’s the last time you watched 180 minutes of anything, really? Titanic? Ben-Hur? La Toya Jackson chasing a Slinky? This episode was not nearly as epic as those things, but it did feature three eliminations and two challenges. Who survived and who didn’t? Join us for the rundown. READ MORE

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: Star Wars!

Donald Trump’s yellow-orange hair thatch turned bright red this weekend after President Obama embarrassed him at the White House Correspondents Dinner. It was poetry in Prismacolor! Obama made crafty Celebrity Apprentice jokes (and namedropped Gary Busey and Meat Loaf), Trump scowled with the lifeless stoicism of Richard Hatch, and America cackled with the fire of almost two Dionne Warwicks. Is Ivanka’s dad finally through with his Obama diatribes? Trump’s not telling yet. He’s keeping it under his thatch! Adding insult to injury for The Donald, last night’s Celeb Apprentice was partially pre-empted on the East Coast with news that Osama bin Laden had been killed. D’oh! READ MORE