The Bachelor Recap: Brad Vs. the Volcano

Things begin ominously this week on The Bachelor. Brad takes the eight remaining women — D-Cup, Tragic Mom, Crazy Town, Embalmer, Shopgirl, Teeth, Other Blonde, and Whatshername — to scenic Costa Rica, then points to an active volcano in the distance. Suddenly, I can’t shake a mental fast-forward to Chris Harrison making an announcement at the most dramatic rose ceremony ever: “Ladies, there is only one rose left. Whichever one of you does not receive a rose will be driven to the mouth of the volcano and hurled into its fiery depths, a sacrifice to ensure our continued Monday night ratings and the survival of our most popular franchise marriage between Trista and Ryan.” …READ MORE

The Bachelor Recap: Ken Doll Goes to Vegas

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t ABC’s intention to have Brad Womack, current leading man of its Bachelor franchise, outfitted like a live-action Ken Doll this week, but each of his three dates conjured up the idea that the drawling hunk of plastic was nothing more than a blank canvas onto which a variety of fantasies could be projected. (Hey, if the Mattel shoe fits…) …READ MORE

The Bachelor Recap: One Woman Goes Home (Gasp!) Voluntarily

Last night’s episode of The Bachelor kicked off with Chantal O. explaining that this season’s crop of lovetestants can be divvied up among two groups: “Normals” and “Crazies.” I’m not quite sure who falls into the former group, but before we recap the action, how about some words of wisdom from Chris Harrison? “When you get time with [Brad], use it wisely.” Hear that, ladies? It doesn’t matter if you can still smell your bunkmate’s strawberry-flavored lip gloss on the Bachelor’s lips, when he goes in for a kiss, you’d better submit! …READ MORE