You are viewing the archive: Awfulness

Bachelor Pad Season Finale Recap: A Very Wrong Engagement


“None of use deserve $250,000,” said gorgeous but mildly crazy Michelle Money during Monday night’s season finale of Bachelor Pad. Truer words may not have been spoken on the small screen all year. Well, except maybe Queen of All Meltdowns Melissa admitting that, …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Recap: Rose From the Dead

BACHELOR PAD - "Episode 205" - On the next episode of ABC's "Bachelor Pad," MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 5 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET), the contestants must couple up to compete as couples for the remainder of the season, beginning with this week's challenge -- the "Nearly-wed Game" -- which tests how well the pairs know each other. (ABC/RICK ROWELL)

Memo to residents of Bachelor Pad: No means no. And regardless of how unjust you think it is, said rule applies even in instances where the object of your advances: …READ MORE

Dumpster Dive: Dance Moms Will Leave You Neck-Deep in Horror and Regret


Welcome to “Dumpster Dive,” a new recurring feature in which our intrepid reality-TV junkie will put on his rubber gloves and face mask and wade into the murky depths of the genre’s nastiest-looking offerings.

Lifetime’s Dance Moms raises an important societal question …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Recap: Oral Dilemma

BACHELOR PAD - "Episode 204" - The housemates strategize to take down the power couple in the house, MONDAY, AUGUST 29 (8:00-10:01 p.m., ET) on ABC's "Bachelor Pad." Meanwhile, a new guy has easily emerged as the most unpopular guy in the pad, and one woman shows her true colors. This week's challenge is a "Bachelor Pad" viewer favorite, the "Kissing Challenge." Each guy will kiss the women -- and vice versa -- then vote on who has the "best lips" in the pad. The winners will be treated to one-on-one dates - the first of the season. (ABC/GREG ZABILSKI)

As the number of morally compromised, fame-hungry lunatics diminishes each week on Bachelor Pad, inanimate objects must step up and bring the entertainment. On this week’s episode, for example, an electric toothbrush and a yogurt cup provided stellar supporting work that was at least as interesting as the exhausting “will they or won’t they” romantic drama between Michael and Holly. Let’s recap the action: …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Photo Recap: Swim Pickings


“I find it entertaining, and it’s almost like I’m in disbelief that one person could really be so crazy,” declared suddenly entertaining Erica, watching Melissa’s nervous breakdown, on Monday night’s episode of Bachelor Pad. The tiara-sporting contestant’s statement pretty much sums up my feelings about every person, every word, and every interaction that exists on ABC’s compellingly awful famewhoreasbord. And so, even though I’m on vacation, I feel compelled to post some kind of recap, if for no other reason than to confirm that, yes, Bachelor Pad is real, and not just a figment of my waking nightmares. …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Recap: Monsters Inked!

BACHELOR PAD - "Episode 202" - After the shocking events of the Season Premiere, Kasey and Vienna continue to aim the target at Jake Pavelka's back, MONDAY, AUGUST 15 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET) on ABC's "Bachelor Pad." In the second challenge, "Target on My Back," each woman will be asked a series of questions, for example, "Who's least deserving of the $250,000?" She'll answer by throwing paint-soaked balls at a target on one of the guy' backs; points will be allotted for each target hit. Then the men will turn the tables on the women, and the man and woman accumulating the most points will be declared winners of the challenge. Awaiting the winners are 3-on-1 dates to a haunted hospital or a night on a private yacht, while the other contestants plot, manipulate and connive their way to avoid being voted off. (ABC/GREG ZABILSKI)

If you happened to watch Monday night’s installment of Bachelor Pad, you may have come away from the episode asking, “Am I any better than people who watch two roosters or two pit bulls getting thrown into pit to tear each other limb from limb?”

Fret not, reality TV junkies, the answer to that question is …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Recap: Sleaze the Day!


Welcome back to Bachelor Pad, a squelching cesspool of amorality, intellectual rot, and abject horror where wannabe celebrities come to play for the chance to take home a cash prize that’s more than double what they hand out to the winner of Project Runway.

But before the scheming, crying, flesh baring, and inappropriate touching begin,

The Bachelorette – The Men Tell All: 10 Questions That Never Got Asked or Answered


For an episode subtitled “The Men Tell All,” Sunday night’s installment of The Bachelorette — the fetid (un)appetizer to tonight’s season finale — contained precious little in the way of scintillating intel. We discovered that Ashley suffered a toe cramp while practicing Tai Chi with Ryan in Taiwan (probably because her pants were so tight, she lost circulation to her extremities). We learned that our heroine likes to slather her face with …READ MORE

The Bachelorette Recap: Punched. Drunk. Love?

THE BACHELORETTE - "Episode 705" - Eight men meet Ashley at an outdoor gym. Whether they are athletic or not, they aren't prepared for learning the traditional Thai art form of Muay Thai boxing. But the real drama begins when they learn they will fight each other in an open-air square in the middle of Chiang Mai in front of hundreds of rooting spectators. The date takes a terrifying turn when Ames is rushed to a local hospital after suffering a blow to the head. That night at the after-party, the somber mood is broken by a surprise visitor - and Ashley has a tough decision to make about who will get the rose, on "The Bachelorette," MONDAY, JUNE 20 (8:00-10:01 p.m., ET), on ABC. (ABC/DAVE HAGERMAN)

On Monday night, ABC aired a very special crossover episode combining The Bachelorette: Extreme Insecurities Edition and the ABC News hidden-camera series What Would You Do?, in which ordinary people are confronted with ethical dilemmas to see how they react.

Producers sent human self-esteem issue Ashley and eight of her suitors to a Muay Thai boxing camp in Chiang Mai, Thailand, where the guys underwent an hour or so of training, donned colorful silk shorts, and headed into the ring to pummel the living famewhore out of one another. Ames, by virtue of his Ivy League degree, pleasant temperament, and ability to correctly use the word “saffron” in a sentence, was immediately marked as …READ MORE

2011 MTV Movie Awards: Best and Worst Moments (Plus the Full List of Winners)


The 2011 MTV Movie Awards is in the books, or perhaps more accurately, on a wadded-up piece of paper towel on the bathroom floor. The two-hour litany of movie trailers, Teen Wolf ads, and glorious victories for members of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse fan club was short on genuine laughs and long on uncomfortable sex jokes and pitiful teleprompter reading. Let’s recount the telecast’s three best and three worst moments — the former being a much harder task than the latter — and review the list of winners. …READ MORE