What Would Ryan Lochte Do?: 5 Reasons I Want to Watch (and Then Be Reprimanded by a Nun)

Jeah. No, wait, scratch that. JEAH! (That’s more like it, right?)

If the preceding sentence makes no sense to you whatsoever, then you might want to watch the following extended trailer for E!’s upcoming celebreality series What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Actually, you might not want to watch it at all, and that’s okay, too. READ MORE & WATCH TRAILER AT RISK TO YOUR PRECIOUS BRAIN CELLS

Girls Season 2 Finale Recap: 'No One Really Cares If I Get Cut With Glass'

If you haven’t seen the Season 2 finale of Girls — check yourself before you wreck yourself with spoilers. Everyone else, read on!

Welcome to the Season 2 finale of Girls — or as I like to think of it, …READ MORE

The Bachelor Season Finale: Sean Picks [Spoiler]!

Warning: If you haven’t yet watched The Bachelor season finale, stop reading here. The rest of you, carry on!

We have a winner! If, of course, your idea of “winning” involves getting a marriage proposal from a life-sized Ken Doll whose shoulder is still damp from the tears of a second woman he just flung to the curb to clear your path to the altar. READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Recap: Sex, Fug and Rocky Road

In case you were worried that ABC’s Monday-night crapsterpiece Bachelor Pad was going highbrow — all together now: “not me!” — this week’s episode featured a “Hot Sludge Fundae” obstacle course with a sack race/peanut slathering station that allowed host Chris Harrison to instruct the 16 remaining contestants to get in their “nut sacks.” READ MORE & VIEW PHOTOS

Dumpster Dive: Fisticuffs + Booze + Blurred Body Parts x @$%#! = Bad Girls Club: Mexico

If, like me, you’ve been lucky enough to miss the first eight seasons of Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club franchise, you might be blissfully unaware of this bloated, pustule-ridden underbelly of reality television that makes the Kardashian sisters look like Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Based on the show’s Season 9 premiere (set in Cabo San Puke-us, Mexico) …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Season 3 Cast Announced: Identical Twins 'Will Compete as One Person,' Says ABC

Remember that Monday night last summer where you consumed three-quarters of a bottle of chardonnay and fell asleep on your living room couch watching a Season 2 episode of Bachelor Pad? Well, the absurdist nightmare you droolingly woke from during your local news — you know, the one with Erica Rose’s tiara, Michael Stagliano’s tears, the twins from The Shining, and a person whose actual name is Kalon — is about to come true. READ MORE

The Bachelor Recap: Park City and Recreation

In the world of reality television, Survivor is known as the show where contestants go to “outwit, outlast, and outplay.” But that wouldn’t seem like such a bad motto for the current season of The Bachelor. On Monday night’s installment, set in scenic Park City, Utah, Ben’s tongue made alliances with five other women’s tongues (Rachel, Kacie B, Courntey, Nicki, and Jennifer); a group date found an octet of bachelorettes …READ MORE

The Bachelor Recap: Pinot Me Gusta

“I’m in shock.” “I feel sick.” “Are you kidding me? No, really, are you kidding me? I can’t believe this is happening. I’m mortified.” “I’m gonna pretend this never happened.”

Those were the tear-streaked words that Weepy McCrazypants uttered …READ MORE

The Bachelor Season Premiere Recap: Introducing the Horse of Babylon

If your audio malfunctioned during the season premiere of The Bachelor: Only White Chicks Are Allowed at the All You Can Drink Wine Bar, fret not. The entire two-hour affair can be boiled down to a disconcerting combination of the following sounds: Glug, glug, glug. Slllluuuurrrrr. Waaaahhh. Neeeiiiiiigggghhhh. [Toilet flush.]

And really, what more do you need to know about the episode, other than …READ MORE