Hannibal Recap: 'Pity Has No Place at the Table'

You are what you eat.

That’s an old adage that takes on disturbing, oftentimes sickening connotations in the deranged tableau that is NBC’s Hannibal (AKA the prettiest/scariest show on television right this second).

In Season 2’s penultimate episode, “Tome Wan,” Will and Hannibal tackle the subject of …READ MORE

The Bachelorette: Become Fluent in the Desiree-Brooks Saga With 15 Wacky Screengrabs

Here’s a dilemma for quality TV lovers with active social schedules: You’d rather brush your teeth with steel wool than spend two hours of your life watching The Bachelorette. Nevertheless, with ABC billing the show’s latest two-part finale (Part 1 aired last Monday; Part 2 airs this Monday, 8/7c) as “the television event of the summer,” chances are you’ll be hearing the names “Desiree” and “Brooks” and possibly even “Drew” at …READ MORE & VIEW PHOTOS

Dumpster Dive: Day 2 of Kris Jenner's Talk Show -- 'See? The Dog Is Smarter Than I Am!'

I brought exceedingly low expectations to Day 2 of Kris, the new daytime talker from Kardashian family matriarch Kris Jenner. And yet, to my surprise, I still marveled (and occasionally chuckled) at how the level of discourse plummeted like a stone from a highrise balcony.

Read on for the Top 12 Moments of Total Idiocy from the Talk Show That’s Less Fun Than Getting Pinned Beneath a Falling Flat-Screen (TM Pending). READ MORE IF YOU DARE

What Would Ryan Lochte Do?: 5 Reasons I Want to Watch (and Then Be Reprimanded by a Nun)

Jeah. No, wait, scratch that. JEAH! (That’s more like it, right?)

If the preceding sentence makes no sense to you whatsoever, then you might want to watch the following extended trailer for E!’s upcoming celebreality series What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Actually, you might not want to watch it at all, and that’s okay, too. READ MORE & WATCH TRAILER AT RISK TO YOUR PRECIOUS BRAIN CELLS

Bachelor Pad Recap: Sex, Fug and Rocky Road

In case you were worried that ABC’s Monday-night crapsterpiece Bachelor Pad was going highbrow — all together now: “not me!” — this week’s episode featured a “Hot Sludge Fundae” obstacle course with a sack race/peanut slathering station that allowed host Chris Harrison to instruct the 16 remaining contestants to get in their “nut sacks.” READ MORE & VIEW PHOTOS

Dumpster Dive: Fisticuffs + Booze + Blurred Body Parts x @$%#! = Bad Girls Club: Mexico

If, like me, you’ve been lucky enough to miss the first eight seasons of Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club franchise, you might be blissfully unaware of this bloated, pustule-ridden underbelly of reality television that makes the Kardashian sisters look like Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Based on the show’s Season 9 premiere (set in Cabo San Puke-us, Mexico) …READ MORE