Fey and Poehler hilariously snuck into the respective lineup of nominees for Best Actress and Actor in a TV Miniseries or Movie for a fictional flick called Dog President. The former hammed it up as Darcy St. Budge, who’d been nominated for playing “a psychic who solves her own murder,” while the latter donned unbecoming man-drag as Jamie Francisco, honored for his portrayal of “a professional volleyball player battling restless leg syndrome.”
Lincoln Gets a Presidential Endorsement
President Bill Clinton made a surprise appearance to preview footage from Steven Spielberg’s multiple nominee Lincoln, and used his moment at the podium to remind viewers about how "necessary compromise" makes our country great. Clinton’s appearance left host Poehler (who frequently played the president’s wife during her SNL days) gasping, "That was Hillary Clinton's husband!"
Sacha Baron Cohen Proves It’s Not Easy Being Ricky Gervais
The Borat star seemed desperate to bring ribald humor to the podium, but unfortunately, that resulted in him making an off-color Anne Hathaway upskirt "joke" as he presented the nominees for Best Animated Feature Film. Hey, at least when Gervais took potshots during his Golden Globes hosting gigs, the icky-to-funny ratio was far less out of whack.
Argo‘s Real-Life Hero Has a Moment
His microphone may have been a little hinky, but how cool was it to see retired CIA operative Tony Mendez joining John Goodman to introduce Argo, Ben Affleck’s dramatization of Mendez’s attempt to sneak a half-dozen diplomats from Iran by pretending to be part of a Canadian film crew?
Claire Danes Makes Us Proud of Our TV Addiction
Taking home the statuette for Best Actress in a Drama Series for the second straight year, Danes praised her fabulous competition — Nashville‘s Connie Britton, Damages‘ Glenn Close, Downton Abbey‘s Michelle Dockery, and The Good Wife‘s Julianna Margulies — by noting she was "very proud to be working in this medium, in this moment, in this company." Amen, sister! (And on a more shallow note, how amazing did Danes look in that red Versace gown — less than a month after giving birth to son Cyrus? Rated D…for Day-um!)
Jennifer Lawrence Makes a Brash, Brassy Speech
"I beat Meryl!" trumpeted the Silver Linings Playbook actress, collecting a trophy earned over living legend Meryl Streep (nominated for Hope Springs) as the audience nervously tried to figure out whether or not it was okay to laugh. Lawrence won over her peers, though, with a followup joke about famously hard-charging producer Harvey Weinstein: "Harvey, thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today." Hey, we’ll take spontaneous remarks over a list of agents’ names (or coy “surprise” at winning) any day!
Salma Hayek and Paul Rudd Come Up Blank
When the duo encountered a faulty teleprompter for the second of two statuettes they had to hand out, Rudd played it funny after a long pause, “Hello! How’s everybody doing?” But the moment became increasingly awkward when it started to become evident neither Rudd nor Hayek knew which category they were supposed to be presenting. “Something about the best uh…,” muttered Hayek, as the Globes’ director mercifully cut to the voiceover rundown of nominated shows. We’ve never been so happy to have two such talented actors get off our TV screen.
Poehler and Fey’s Opening Jokes Live Up to the Hype
The former SNL cohorts displayed their comfort with live television with a rapid-fire series of take-no-prisoners zingers. "When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron," Poehler said of Zero Dark Thirty‘s nominated director Kathryn Bigelow, while Fey brutally/brilliantly noted Anne Hathaway hadn’t seemed as alone and abandoned as she did in Les Miz since she cohosted the Oscars with James Franco. Oh, and for a flawless chaser, how about our hosts discuss Meryl Streep staying home because of the flu? "And I hear she's amazing in it." Can’t these ladies host everything ever from now on?
Adele Keeps It Refreshingly Real (as Usual)
If there’s a more charming celebrity in existence than Best Original Song winner Adele, then by all means get that person on our TV screens ASAP! The “Skyfall” singer, for her part, high-fived Daniel Craig (yes!) then got on stage and insisted she was just taking the opportunity for a night out with her friend Ida, and wound up a Golden Globe winner. "We've been pissing ourselves laughing all night," she giggled, and we cracked up right along with her.
SNL Vets Make a Compelling Case to Host the 2014 Globes
In the night’s loopiest bit, Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig introduced the nominees for Best Lead Actress in a Musical or Comedy as though they were half-tanked party guests using the most fantastical details in an effort to prove they’d seen all five performances in question. The shtick felt improvised (“Judi Dench, where did she come from? Ohhhh! Unknown! She used to be a police officer, and now in her first movie, Best Exotic Marigold Hotel…”) and yet Wiig and Ferrell were often in brilliant sync (like when they made up dialogue for Meryl Streep playing “sassy sheriff Hope Springs”). Tommy Lee Jones may have looked decidedly unamused from his seat in the audience, but we were totally in stitches.
Jodie Foster Comes Out…and Not as a Fan of Honey Boo Boo
Foster has famously kept her private life very private through most of her nearly five-decade career, but accepting the Cecil B. DeMille Award, she revealed she is a lesbian — albeit in a circuitous, funny, generally lovely, occasionally winking, occasionally scathing fashion. The Silence of the Lambs actress at first plated it coy — telling the audience she was coming out as “single” — but then she went on to discuss how she’d already come out “back in the stone age” when “a fragile young girl would open up to trusted friends, and family, coworkers and then gradually, proudly, to everyone who knew her, to everyone she actually met. But now, apparently I’m told, that every celebrity is expected to honor the details of their private life with a press conference, a fragrance and a primetime reality show. You guys might be surprised, but I am not Honey Boo Boo Child.” Foster went on to explain that after spending her childhood as a public figure, she’d learned to value privacy above all else. Then she added “there is no way I could ever stand here without acknowledging one of the deepest loves of my life: My heroic coparent, my ex-partner in love but righteous soul sister in life, my confessor, ski buddy, Consigliere, most beloved BFF of 20 years Cydney Bernard. Thank you, Cyd. I am so proud of our modern family.” (Foster made headlines when she thanked “my beautiful Cydney” at another awards gala back in 2008.) By the time Foster spoke directly to her ailing mother, telling her three times that she loved her, and to “please take that with you when you’re finally okay to go,” there weren’t many dry eyes in the audience. Perhaps it was not a classic “coming out speech,” but it was a fascinating declaration of who Foster is, and who she hopes to become.
George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez Make Out-of-Sight Cameos
Fey and Poehler brought the laughs from the start of the telecast right to the end, but not without occasional assistance. When the duo’s names were announced among the nominees for Best Actress in a Comedy Series, Fey appeared on-screen clutching Lopez’s arm, as the duo awaited the announcement with comically heightened nervousness. Poehler, meanwhile, was “caught” by NBC’s cameras flirting with Clooney over glasses of champagne, which was possibly the night’s best (and best-looking) sight gag.
Hugh Jackman Proves It’s Better to Forgive as You Receive
In accepting his statuette for Best Lead Actor in a Musical or Comedy, the Aussie hunk forgave the person who stole his bike tires the day he auditioned for Les Mis, then joked that he’d be leaving its frame in the same spot come Monday morning. (That bit where Jackman thanked his wife for always being right was pretty good TV, too.)
Anne Hathaway Pulls a Kanye
Okay, okay, to be fair Hathaway asked producer Eric Fellner, collecting the prize for Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical for Les Mis, if she could steal a second at the podium and thank her manager of 14 years, but was he really going to tell his star actress “no” in front of an international TV audience? Even more irritating, everyone knows Hathaway’s practically a lock for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar next month. So why’d she need to run down the clock on Fellner’s big moment when she’ll be able to dole out more thanks in a few weeks’ time anyhow?
Glenn Close Plays Drunk
Two hours into the telecast, Fey and Poehler took to the stage with cocktails in hand and began riffing on how the Globes’ notoriously free-flowing alcohol was making the crowd loose and sloppy. “Look how drunk Glenn Close is!” declared Fey, as the cameras cut to the Damages star uproariously flopping about with a champagne bottle in the foreground. “Actually, she might need a medic,” Fey added, before capping the moment by warning Taylor Swift to stay away from Michael J. Fox’s adorable underage son.
What were your favorite (and least favorite) moments from the 2013 Golden Globes? Sound off in the comments!