Warning: The following contains spoilers for Thursday’s Season 14 finale of Grey’s Anatomy.
Before Thursday’s Season 14 finale of Grey’s Anatomy, we didn’t know what the something old, something new, might be at Alex and Jo’s wedding, but we were painfully aware that the something borrowed was going to be the time that April and Arizona were on, and the something blue, us the second that that time was up. So, bummed though you may be, grab a hanky and RSVP yes to this recap, and we’ll go over not only the vows exchanged but the goodbyes said.
‘YOU CAN TEACH US HOW TO MAKE AN IGLOO’ | As the hour began, April was at Jolex’s wedding venue, looking radiant and literally stopping to smell the roses. At Mer’s, flower girl Zola was asking her mom if she was ever gonna get married again. Mer replied that she’d already had one great love and didn’t want to be too greedy. “I don’t think love is like candy,” replied the moppet with a wisdom that belied her age. “I don’t think you can be too greedy for it.” Downstairs, Arizona got Alex ready for his big day but, wary of tears, refused to discuss her imminent departure other than to say that, now that he was getting hitched, “My work here is done.” Just then, in burst Jo — superstitions be damned — with big news: She’d gotten the minimally-invasive-surgery fellowship she applied for at MassGen! No sooner had Mer gotten done congratulating the bride than she realized — gulp — if Jo left Seattle, so would Alex. She’d be left without her person. At Owen’s, Betty revealed to Hunt her chip for having gone 30 days clean and sober. (Hello, time-jump!) Sweetly, he insisted that that deserved a fist bump. Alone with Amelia, he learned that no, Betty’s parents hadn’t shown to celebrate the teen’s accomplishment. On the plus side, Betty hadn’t known that Amelia had invited them. Over at Bailey and Ben’s, she gasped upon receiving her first check from the Trail-Blazer. Clearly, they were now as rich as Jackson (used to be).
Meanwhile, at the site of the nuptials, April thanked Matthew for attending with her — especially since, as she acknowledged, weddings weren’t his favorite place to be with her, historically. Inside the church, Jackson expressed to Maggie his astonishment that his ex-wife had quit her job to do God’s work. “That happened weeks ago,” Pierce reminded him. As he wondered aloud what it meant that he’d promised his life to a God that he’d never believed in, his girlfriend noted that she wanted to be supportive of his “quest,” but religion wasn’t really her thing. Hey, until a hot second ago, it wasn’t his, either! (Nearby, Dahlia had the same horrified reaction to the couple’s canoodling as do Jaggie haters.) As the ceremony at last began, Bailey was surprised to see that Jolex had so many friends from outside the hospital. But here’s the thing: They didn’t have so many friends from outside the hospital. Half the staff of Grey Sloan had shown up at the wrong place! “Oh God,” said April at the other venue. Apparently, she explained to Mer and Alex, there had been “a little issue” with the GPS link on the wedding website. At the wrong church, Richard suggested that they all sneak out subtly, one by one. Cue Catherine feigning a crying jag. “Very subtle, dear,” cracked her hubby. Before Ben and Bailey could make their exits, the Mother of the Bride collapsed, and the marrieds leapt into action.
‘I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH ALEX’ | At the actual wedding venue, Mer confessed to Amelia that “I feel less OK than I have in a long time.” Amelia’s priceless response? To assume — as many a viewer and Ausiello long have — that Derek’s widow was hung up on Alex. Stat, Mer shut that s— down, insisting that while she was harboring no secret feelings for Karev, Amelia might be harboring some for Owen. And, given the way that Amelia reacted when Hunt then sidled up to her, Grey was obviously right. (Side note: How awesome and funny is tumorless Amelia!) In the bride’s prep room, Jo was getting her nose professionally powdered when in burst Mer, telling her that if she didn’t want to take the fellowship, a general-surgery attending job at Grey Sloan was hers for the taking. Immediately, Jo ran to the groom’s prep room — superstitions be damned again! — and accused him of putting Mer up to it. “That’s something Paul would’ve done,” he pointed out. “I’m not Paul.” That settled, Jo wondered if she was really ready to be an attending, and with Alex’s support, decided to take the fellowship. They kissed, then kissed some more, then ran off to a shed to start the honeymoon early “somwhere April can’t bust us.”
They weren’t the only ones getting some action, either. (Although theirs was certainly the more fun kind!) Bailey and Ben arrived at Grey Sloan with the Mother of the Bride No. 2. “This woman is not gonna die on her daughter’s wedding day,” Miranda vowed. Since none of Bailey’s best and brightest were around to scrub in with her, she was beyond thrilled when who should walk in, fresh from a 12-hour flight, but Teddy? (“Drat,” I thought. “Just when I’d been re-sold on the idea of Owen and Amelia 2.0.”) Meanwhile, the rest of the Grey Sloan-ers arrived at the real wedding venue. “Where do you sit,” a cranky DeLuca asked April, “if you used to be in love with the bride, but then the groom beat you up and put you in the hospital?” When Catherine told Kepner how much she was missed at the hospital, she reiterated how rewarding it was to be working with the homeless. (Since Catherine asked April to come to Sunday dinner with Harriet, did that mean that she was staying in Seattle, just off screen?) When Jackson and Matthew crossed paths, Arizona couldn’t get away fast enough. “I’m gonna… ” she began, searching for a word, any word, to allow her to bolt, “drink.”
‘WILL YOU JUST STOP PROJECTING YOUR SECRET LOVE ALL OVER ME?’ | Nearby, Jolex discovered post-romp that they were trapped in the shed. And no one could hear them hollering, either. In fact, at that very moment, Maggie was encouraging Jackson to “find your inner Jesus or whatever” and get over his awkwardness with April and Matthew for Harriet’s sake. While Kepner and Robbins searched for the bride and groom, Richard called Mer on her BS job offer to Jo. “I get it,” he said. “You wanna keep Karev around.” But that wouldn’t be fair to Wilson. After Webber moved off, Amelia, adorably full of mischief, asked her sister-in-law if it was actually Jo that she was in love with. Again, Mer insisted that Amelia was re-falling for Owen. She was never home, and neither was Maggie; she was always with Jackson. But Alex… “He’s my Alex,” Mer said. “I just got happy in a world without Cristina and without Derek, and I don’t want to be alone.” Sweetly, Amelia promised that even if she was re-falling for her ex, she’d always be there for Mer, to which Grey responded in classic fashion, “Oh, whatever” and huffed off.
In the shed, Alex assured Jo that she needn’t worry, their entrapment would just be a funny story they’d tell their kids someday. At the bar, the interns downed shot after shot, toasting each time to Mer, with whom Taryn seemed as enamored as Dahlia was with Jackson. Or make that “as enamored as Dahlia had been with Jackson.” When DeLuca passed by, she got him to join them. As the search for Alex and Jo continued, Jackson and Matthew made a valiant attempt at putting the past behind them. When April’s current squeeze copped to wanting to hit the ex who’d come between them, Jackson tried to make him feel better by admitting that he’d just lost a quarter of a billion dollars. “Anything I can to do help,” he joked. In a moment alone with Owen and Leo, Betty asked if her son’s foster dad was going to marry Amelia. “I’ve been living with you guys for a month,” she said, “and I still can’t tell if you’re a couple or not.” When Hunt replied that they were not a couple, Betty cracked, “So you just live in the same house and take care of stray kids together? That’s weird.” And it only sounded weirder when he kept saying it was complicated — from where Betty was sitting, looking at them now, it wasn’t complicated in the slightest.
‘WE HAD SEX IN A SHED NEXT TO A CORPSE ON OUR WEDDING DAY!’ | While Jo tried to turn the skeleton she found in the shed into a symbol of the full life that she and Alex should aspire to lead, Carina stopped a drunken Taryn from confessing her feelings to Mer (and glanced at Arizona when she said one shouldn’t waste love on someone who doesn’t love you back). At that very moment, Arizona was admitting to April that she smiled every time she got a text from Callie. But no, God, no, she told Kepner and Richard, she wouldn’t even consider getting back together even though they were both single now. (Bye, Penny.) “No one ever in the history of my life,” said Robbins, “has hurt me like Callie.” In response, April pointed out how badly she’d hurt Matthew, and look at them now. Richard chimed in that he, too, had hurt Catherine. “People change,” April said, and “our one job, really our only job, is to stay open to possibilities.” (Calzona reunion in 3, 2… ) Since we were heading toward the end of the episode, and the season, Arizona fought back tears as she told her friends she’d miss them. Then, hugging April, she lost that particular fight. (So did a lot of us just then, I suspected.) Desperate to kill time, the wedding planner suggested that someone make a toast. And since DeLuca was right in front of her, she chose him… even though he was so soused that he could barely stand.
Mer ushered Sam’s ex away before his speech could get too unbearably bitter, then reassured him that he’d fall in love again. DeLuca’s response? To kiss her! “This is not a seduction,” she made clear. “Am I fired?” he asked. “No,” she said. “I’m flattered.” As an added bonus, they were close enough to the shed for them to hear Alex and Jo, and free them! Back in the seating area, the wedding planner asked if anyone had an EpiPen: She’d accidentally eaten some shrimp, and um, she was extremely allergic. After she collapsed, the doctors fought their way past her Spanx to rectally administer some expired Benadryl from a first-aid kit and performed an emergency tracheotomy. So that was how the blood got on the white carpet! Speaking of blood, the sight of it made poor Levi faint, and when he went down, he took the cake with him. Back at Grey Sloan, while successfully operating on the Mother of the Bride No. 2 with Bailey, Teddy revealed that she wasn’t in Seattle for the wedding — like Vik, she hadn’t been invited — she was there to ask the chief if there were any job openings. Bailey took it as yet another prompt that she should do what she really wanted and… take a sabbatical. “Not from surgery,” she clarified. “From paperwork… and stress.” She wanted to fall in love with the O.R. again and do research and spend her newfound fortune. That being the case, “the position of interim chief just opened up,” she told Teddy. “What do you say?” And what did she say? “Let’s keep talking.”
‘I DO NOT THINK THERE’S GOING TO BE A WEDDING HERE TODAY’ | As the Jolex nuptials broke up without them ever saying “I do,” and most of the wedding party ferried their way back home, Mer apologized to Jo for her job offer but clarified that she really had loved working with Wilson. Back at the wedding site, Matthew told April, “Let’s try again,” then got down on one knee and proposed… just as Jackson showed up to see. “I loved who you were five years ago,” Matthew said, “and I love you even more today… So I don’t want to waste any more time. April, will you marry me?” She was tearfully replying yes when the minister arrived. Judging from the looks on Matthew and April’s faces, they were gonna get married right then and there. Meanwhile, on the ferry, Maggie reported to Alex that Jackson had said they could move the reception to his place; Catherine was already ordering food. She also had an idea (which we wouldn’t find out for a few seconds). Off that chat, Alex approached Mer and reassured her that he’d never leave her. Also, about Maggie’s idea — Mer could get ordained as a minister right on the spot. Done!
So, as April told Jackson that, of course, she wanted him to stay for her and Matthew’s wedding — and how nice for Matthew (not!) — Mer presided over Alex and Jo’s ferry ceremony. “I have never seen two people bring out better in each other,” she told the couple. Among the attendants, Owen and Amelia were looking so cozy as to once and for all settle Betty’s question of whether they were a couple. After Arizona walked April down the aisle, she and Matthew wed at the very same moment as Jo and Alex — and as the couple whose wedding had been interrupted by the Mother of the Bride’s collapse. In the last few seconds of the episode, Arizona got a text from Callie saying, “I can’t wait to see you!” And Teddy, watching with the Mother of the Bride her daughter’s nuptials via FaceTime, admitted that she was expecting. Just in time to blow up Owen and Amelia’s reunion before they’d even reunited! So, what did you think of April and Arizona’s swan songs? Jolex’s wedding? Teddy’s return? The episode as a whole? Grade it in the poll below, then hit the comments.