Orange Is the New Black Season 5: Red's 'Haircut,' White Dream Girls, Epic Striptease and 22 Other OMG Moments

Warning: The following post contains spoilers from Orange Is the New Black‘s fifth season. If you have yet to complete your binge, bookmark for safekeeping and return at a later time.

Orange Is the New Black went full-on Criminal Minds in the back half of Season 5.

We’re of course talking about Piscatella and his decision to take six of Litchfield’s finest hostage, during which he gave Red, umm, a “special haircut” and shattered bones with his bare hands. But those were just a few of the OMG moments that occurred during this most recent binge, which saw some truly heinous things go down as the inmates took control of the prison.

Thankfully, Season 5 wasn’t void of comic relief, and the following gallery includes as many guffaw-inducing instances as it does cringe-coaxing moments — from a Law & Order-tuned entrance to Chang’s exit, to a frozen sorority sister and an all-white version of Dream Girls. (And did we mention there was a very corn-y proposal?)

View the attached gallery (or click here for direct access) for a rundown of unforgettable moments from OITNB Season 5, then head to the comments and tell us which stuck out to you the most. Then, grade all 13 episodes via the poll below.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  1. John036 says:

    Am I the only one who thinks that Piper, Alex, Red, Nicky, Gloria, Taystee, Cindy, Suzanne, Blanca and Freida will become the major players of the next season? I’m thinking that season six is not going to take place at Litchfield and will instead the previously listed prisoners as they adjust to new prisons (of course, some of them will end up at the same place) and I’m sure we’ll see the other prisoners like Flaca, Pennsatucky, and the others as well, but I think we’ll see the most of Piper, Alex, Red, Nicky, Gloria, Taystee, Cindy, Suzanne, Blanca and Freida.

    • The Beach says:

      So long as it’s not Leann and Ashley I’m ok with it. I despise their characters and they got way too much airtime this season.

  2. Joann Rowell says:

    Too much of the uneducated hillbillys. Riot too long too many days.

    • GregJ. says:

      Halfway through the season I thought the same thing, but in the season finale it all came together and made sense. Probably the stand out scene for me was the episode where Janae went to visit the private school and saw the students rehearsing for Dreamgirls, I felt her pain. The Tastye episode where she met her mom was another emotional one. I was rooting for Gloria, but what Maria did was wrong. I wanted Gloria to see her son.

      • GregJ. says:

        Also Uzo Aduba “Crazy Eyes” performance amazing as usual. I think it’s also think time for Danielle “Tastye” to win some awards it’s long over due.

  3. Carrie says:

    I was under the impression that Piscatella never actually killed an inmate. I thought it was his crush that died and he was implicated cuz he was the one standing over him. Did the other one actually burn to death in the shower?

  4. abz says:

    I really enjoyed this season overall. I was a little sceptical over how they planned to focus an entire season on the 3 day riot, but I think they did a pretty good job. I will say that I wasn’t a huge fan of the flashbacks. I get that some of them added some background on the thought processes of some of the inmates and some were necessary like Piscatella’s but I still find many of them to be poorly executed. None of the inmate flashbacks this season showed what got the inmates into prison. I wanted to see why the Muslim inmate (Abdullah?) was in jail. Same with Frieda. Some of the flashbacks are interesting, but I think they’re still one of the weakest parts of the show.
    I wonder how the next season will go. It’s a shame how Taystee kept pushing her luck and ruined all her hard work, but the actress did an amazing job. The entire cast did a great job but she and Uzo Aduba were among the standouts this season.

    • The Beach says:

      I actually enjoyed the Frieda flashback as a kid with a survivalist dad. It explained how she was able to build and stock her own little bomb shelter.

  5. abz says:

    Also I agree with one of the comments above. Enough of Leanne and the other meth head. And I cringe every time I have to see Coates and Pennsatucky together.
    Great to see Charlie Barnett on the show. I still remember him from Chicago Fire. He was pretty cute here.

  6. RJH6388 says:

    I enjoyed this season overall. I do wish they would focus more on the core group of characters from season 1. I agree the meth heads got too much screen time as did the nazi girls.

    There is one thing that I am wondering was a mistake. The SWAT guy mentioned they were missing 10 inmates based on their counts and yes there were 10 inmates in the pool but what about Pennsatucky and Chang? Shouldn’t they also be counted as missing unless you include Linda but that would still make it 11 inmates missing. Did I miss something?

    • sunny says:

      I just watched the finale and was thinking the same thing. Actually I was only thinking they were missing Pennsatucky but good call on Chang. Seems like a weird mistake to make for the writers so I’m wondering if we’ve missed something too??

  7. Raftrap says:

    I loved the season, it was great, Flaca and Maritza said it right at the end, it was a taste of what some of their lives would be like if they weren’t behind bars, Jenji Kohan is a genius at restructuring her shows in the right moment (she did a lot of that on Weeds to the point where it became unrecognizable, but hey the past is in the past) and I can’t wait for season 6

  8. Terry says:

    Very subpar season. It just repeated itself over and over. Tried to be funny when it wasn’t First season I have been really disappointed in.

  9. A Bit Disappointed in Season 5 says:

    As a long time fan of the show I was so glad to see them shift focus away from Piper this season. I don’t enjoy her. She’s like a spoiled millennial who feels the world owes her a favor. So having her take a back seat this season was great!

    I loved a lot of the season but agree with others who dislike the meth-heads. These girls seem to have the ability to get more drugs in jail than they would on the street. Spending so much time with them this season was a bit grating.

    I also had several problems with different story-lines. Why wasn’t the pharmacy taken over by angry prisoners? In one episode they’re hoarding tampons to be used as currency but the drug dispensary isn’t raided and hoarded? Instead Lorna gets the key? One of the most annoying characters on the show known as “Loca” gets put in charge of handling meds? – Really?

    And the pool? That was so horrible it was actually a bit offensive. How exactly did Frieda get the ability to order foodstuffs and beer? A computer? And how did Piscatella randomly choose a room to store all of his prisoners in but never opened the closet door leading into the secret pool lair? Meanwhile one of the female prisoners hiding in the lair opens the closet door to see Piscatella beating someone with time enough to record him making a speech about the beatings he’s giving but never notices someone standing there pointing a phone at him? It felt like lazy, lazy writing for convenience.

    But, as always, at times there were such great acting moments it made me forget all of the problems I had with it.

    Danielle Brooks as Taystee was a revelation to me. She’s always been great but in Season 5 she rose above. She was phenomenal. Lea DeLaria as Big Boo too and as far as I’m concerned, Dale Soules as Frieda can’t be beat.

    Allowing focus to be placed on supporting characters made Season 5 so much stronger for me as a viewer.

    I’m kind of glad to see it end the way it ended. With the huge amount of cast associated with the show it feels like a great way to thin the herd.

    I hope Lorna, Leanne & Angie and Linda are gone from the show permanently. They’re too hard to swallow for me.

  10. Lorita says:

    alarm going off most of the first episode got boring and annoying, but glad I finished up the season. Loved the cliff hanger at the end.