Did anyone else scream “Jumanji!” during Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars premiere? … Oh, just me then?
After nine long months — you know, the same amount of time it takes to fully cook a child in the womb, or so I’ve read — Freeform’s crown jewel returned to kick off its final run. And the hour began with a special gift for the Liars: an inconceivably detailed board game, complete with a miniature replica of Rosewood and a piece representing each girl.
Spencer was the first to officially play after being told that she’d earn a “reward” for visiting a “sick friend” in the hospital. I’m pretty sure that “friend” was supposed to be Yvonne — you know, the girl currently chilling in a medically induced coma — but she spent the whole visit talking to Toby about how everyone will make it out of Rosewood someday.
The reward was a heartbreaking letter that Mary wrote to Spencer shortly before giving birth to her at Radley — sample line: “You come out of a hateful act, but that doesn’t make you hateful” — along with a puzzle piece that fit on the “home” spot on the board game.
Speaking of Mary, a heated exchange between Spencer and
her mother Veronica, re: Spencer’s paternity, revealed that her birth father is actually — wait for it — her father! Apparently Mary posed as Jessica DiLaurentis and carried on her sister’s affair with Papa Hastings. And when Mary became pregnant, Jessica came clean to Veronica about everything, giving her the option of adopting the baby and raising it as her own. (Spencer’s dad may be a grade-A garbage person, but I do appreciate the way his affairs have tied this whole show together.)
Elsewhere this week…
HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA | It didn’t take a Grunwald to predict that Emily, Paige and Alison working together under one roof would prove problematic, so imagine my look of absolutely zero shock whatsoever when Emily had to break up a vicious war of words between them. (Honestly, you know Ali was two seconds from shouting, “You tried to drown her in a pool!”) The tension continued back at Chez DiLaurentis, where Alison admitted she still wasn’t sure how she feels about Emily. “Please don’t kiss me again,” Emily told her. “Not until you know.” (Oof!)
FASHION FORWARD | Now that things are good — you might even say better than ever — for “Haleb,” Hanna was free to shift her focus to the other love of her life: fashion. And thanks to a “scathingly brilliant” plan hatched by Mona, Hanna had her designs on the daughter of a New York senator within 24 hours. Sure, there was a brief hiccup when Hanna discovered that Mona presented herself as Hanna’s boss — but hey, since when has Mona not been a total control freak? This is not news.
HOLY (AWKWARD) MATRIMONY | Planning your wedding alone is uncomfortable enough, but Aria took things to the next level when she bumped into Holden — remember him?! — who’s apparently working for his sister’s bridal business. I know no one wants to hear this, but let me be real for a second: Should Aria even bother planning this wedding while Ezra is still traveling back and forth to New York to see Nicole, who’s preparing to have all of her bones broken… as part of some sort of surgery, I think? (Honestly, I cover my ears whenever there’s talk of breaking bones.)
So… was Tuesday’s premiere worth the (nine month) wait? Grade the episode below, then drop a comment with your thoughts — including any new A.D. theories you might have.