Riverdale Recap: Nun of Your Business

Need to catch up? Check out our previous Riverdale recap here.

This week on Riverdale, we finally met Betty’s institutionalized sister Polly — who dropped a huge bombshell in the ongoing Jason Blossom investigation.

Betty invites Jughead over for breakfast, where her mom Alice snidely blames him for Betty’s “Jason Blossom obsession.” But when Alice steps out, Betty sneaks a look at her mom’s checkbook and finds a check made out to The Sisters of Quiet Mercy. It’s the “home for troubled youth” run by nuns where they stashed Polly, so she and Jughead head there to investigate. Betty reunites with Polly, who’s overjoyed to see her: “You found us.” Us? Yep, Polly pats her belly: She’s pregnant.

Polly explains that she and Jason plotted to run away together on the Fourth of July and start a family, but Betty’s parents caught Polly in the act and sent her away to the group home. Even worse: Polly has no idea Jason’s dead. Betty has to be the one to tell her, and she dissolves in tears. Alice shows up to yank Betty out of there, and Polly screams at her mom for not telling her Jason was dead. Orderlies have to drag her away. Family meeting adjourned, I guess.

Back at home, Betty asks her dad Hal point-blank if he killed Jason. Alice seems to break down in tears… but she’s actually laughing: “You think he has the stomach for that?” She says she wishes she or Hal had killed Jason, then adds ominously: “You sound crazy like your sister.” Careful, Betty, and you’ll end up spending time with the nuns soon enough.

Season 1, Episode 6Jughead climbs up a ladder to Betty’s bedroom window — holy Clarissa Explains It All flashback! — and she tells him about her crazy parents. “They’re parents. They’re all crazy,” Jughead reassures her. Then… he goes in for a kiss! And Betty doesn’t seem to hate it… but then she pulls away: “The car!” She remembers Polly said Jason stashed a car for them to run away in; Jughead agrees to go check it out with her. But still: a landmark moment for those of us on Team BettHead!

Betty and Jughead find the car that Jason stashed, along with his letterman jacket in the trunk… and uh-oh, bricks of drugs, too. They tell Sheriff Keller, but by the time he gets to the car, someone’s torched it. And when Betty and Jughead head to The Sisters of Quiet Mercy to bust out Polly, they find she’s already done it herself: Her window is smashed, with blood on the shards, and she’s nowhere to be found. Remember to take your folic acid, Polly: The baby needs it!

Elsewhere in “Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!”:

Season 1, Episode 6GUITAR HERO | Archie has a bad case of stage fright while auditioning for the school’s variety show, and asks Val to perform with him. She can’t without betraying the Pussycats, so Veronica volunteers to duet with Archie. But then Val quits the Pussycats when Josie becomes too controlling, and Archie picks her over Ronnie, so Ronnie decides to get revenge by… joining the Pussycats! That’s right: We’ve got a real live catfight on our hands.

But all’s well that ends well: On variety-show night, Val makes up with Josie and goes back to the Pussycats, and Veronica encourages Archie to perform solo, telling him to “focus on someone that makes you feel safe.” His performance goes great, and he’s so elated afterwards, he runs out and kisses… Val. Not exactly what Ronnie was picturing, we’re guessing.

Season 1, Episode 6CAT’S IN THE CRADLE | We learned a little more about Josie: She’s fanatically driven to succeed, because her jazz-musician dad Miles is the same way. She and the Pussycats absolutely kill it at the variety show with a cover of Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love”… but her dad walks out halfway through, leaving Josie devastated. Man, why are all the parents on this show (besides Fred) all liars, criminals or a-holes?

Speaking of liars: Hermione wants to help Fred land the contract to develop the old drive-in lot. (You know, the one Hiram bought under shady circumstances.) She needs Veronica’s signature as a Lodge shareholder to award Fred the contract, but Ronnie doesn’t like her mom dating Archie’s dad — they’re both still married — so she refuses unless Hermione stops seeing Fred. But Hermione goes ahead and forges her daughter’s signature anyway. Thanks, mom!

Yearbook Notes:

* So are we sure that Polly’s baby is Jason’s? Like, really sure? I assumed so, but when Betty asked, Polly didn’t say anything. Hmmm… could be another twist coming on that front.

* Was Cheryl in this episode at all? If she was, I missed her. (And I did miss her!) Her parents didn’t lock her away in the attic of that Gothic mansion of theirs, did they?

* If Fred only has three weeks’ left of payroll, like Hermione says, what is he doing hiring Hermione? And isn’t their relationship a little weird(er) now that he’s her boss? Forget the fact that they’re both married, and their kids made out once…

* What’s up with that wolf mask Archie had in his drawer? Later on, he had a vision of his football teammates wearing wolf masks in the crowd. Does our red-blooded American boy have a skeleton rattling around in his closet?

* Finally: Archie, you write and perform acoustic folk songs. How do you not know about Bob Dylan’s switch to electric? Start with Blood on the Tracks and work backwards; you’ve got some learning to do.

Got thoughts on tonight’s Riverdale? Drop ’em in a comment below.