Scream Queens Recap

Scream Queens Recap: Kill and Be Killed

Did you ever in all your damn life think you’d hear Kirstie Alley tell someone to “go suck a hot fart”? (I mean, like, on television. When she knows cameras are rolling.)

That iconic line was dropped on Tuesday’s Scream Queens during a meeting of the remarkably un-iconic Green Meanies. Hester assembled this season’s three killers — including Wes, who I completely forgot was her biological father — to figure out which one deserves to finally put an end to the Chanels. In doing so, the Meanies finally copped up to their long list of kills:

* Cassidy killed “Wolf Lady,” Tyler, Randall, the Hamiltons, Chanel No. 9, Chanel No. 11 and Chanel Pour Homme.
* Nurse Hoffel killed that reporter, and she claims to have assisted in offing Chanels No. 9 and 10.
* Lastly, Wes murdered Sheila, Chamberlain and Chad Radwell. He also poisoned the apple water, attacked No. 5. and went after Denise. He was shocked to hear she’s still alive.

We’re still not sure which of the Meanies is going to “take care” of the Chanels, but at least we can say it won’t be Wes; his melted corpse was discovered towards the end of the hour. (Any chance Grace might visit for the funeral?)

The rest of the episode, as usual, was utter nonsense: The Chanels cheated on their med-school exams, making them full-fledged doctors overnight; Brooke Shields was around for a minute, but then she died; and “Dean” Munsch revealed the truth about her cannibalistic urges (and subsequent death sentence) to the group.

With only one episode left in Season 2 — and, quite possibly, the series — how do you hope it’ll end? Drop a comment with your thoughts below.