Best TV Quotes

Quotes of the Week: Hawaii Five-0, Crazy Ex, Mom, Westworld and More

And now, we present the results of a much less contentious election: choosing which TV sound bites to include in our Quotes of the Week.

This time around, we’ve got some tough motherly love on Empire, a very unwelcome guest on Supernatural, plus double doses of Superstore and — yes, this is a thing — Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party.

Our roundup also includes plenty of post-election commentary, courtesy of Seth Meyers, James Corden, Conan O’Brien and Ellen DeGeneres.

Check out the gallery on the right – or click here for direct access — then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. ninamags says:

    I loved the Steve/Danno conversation!!! It was funny.

    I loved how Dean kept saying “I killed Hitler”

    Very good stuff all around.

    Must be ratings season. :)

  2. Linda says:

    Of course Steve wanted a hug from Danny! :) Dang, Steve. Danny would have given you ANYTHING…”I killed Hitler…”

  3. Kevin says:

    Steve refuse to give Danny a hug was hilarious on Hawaii Five-O as does Corden’s monologue on The Late Late Show.

  4. I just have to say ... says:

    This made me laugh this week:

    “I swear, Doc, my foot and your ass are going on a date real soon.”

    – Cabe Gallo to Toby on ‘Scorpion’, after Toby wouldn’t help Cabe out of a jam at the Chinese consulate.

  5. kirads09 says:

    My QOTW is also from Westworld. Elsie ponders if they a have a glass half full or glass half empty situation ( after finding the uplink & info in that one host) Bernard: “We’re engineers. The glass was manufactured to the wrong specifications”. Priceless. And deadpanned perfectly.

  6. Angela says:

    There was a quote from Garcia in this week’s “Criminal Minds” that got a chuckle out of me: “To paraphrase the Violent Femmes song, nothing went down on their permanent record.”

  7. ninergrl6 says:

    The songs on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend this week were outstanding. You could’ve picked just about any lines as quotes of the week.

    • Wordsmith says:

      Agreed! My fave:
      Greg: “But where should we finish (their tap number)?”
      (They climb up on Becca’s dresser)
      Rebecca: “Please, not on my chest…”
      I totally lost it.

    • Wordsmith says:

      Also the line about the anti-douching research put out by “Big Vagina.”
      What really sold that one was Paula’s completely deadpan, “Nothing worse than Big Vagina.”

  8. Grace says:

    Love that H50’s super cute Steve and Danno moment made the list! Steve’s outrage at not getting a hug immediately from Danno was hilarious. Now pick a base, Steven!