Rob Lowe Roast Recap

Rob Lowe's Comedy Central Roast: 16 Darkest Digs (Mostly at Ann Coulter)

Rob Lowe may have been the intended target of the latest Comedy Central roast, but as always, no participant left Monday’s ceremony unscathed — least of all Ann Coulter, who was there for some reason.

Saturday Night Live‘s Pete Davidson took the first swing, or rather the first three swings, at the conservative pundit: “Ann Coulter, if you’re here, who’s scaring the crows away from our crops? … Ann describes herself as a polemicist, but most people call her a c–t. … Last year, we had Martha Stewart, who sells sheets. This year, we have Ann Coulter, who cuts eye-holes in them.”

Rob Riggle then suggested that Coulter’s presence could only mean only one thing: “Someone must have said her name three times. Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!”

For a second, it seemed like Jewel was going to stand up for Coulter: “As a feminist, I can’t support everything that’s being said up here tonight … but as someone who hates Ann Coulter, I’m delighted.” (Oh, Jewel, what a gem.)

Jewel then handed the mic to British comedian Jimmy Carr, who delivered quite possibly the darkest zinger of the night: “Ann Coulter is one of the most hateful, repugnant, hatchet-faced bitches alive. But it’s not too late to change, Ann. You could kill yourself.”

(That said, Lowe himself provided the evening’s darkest runner-up, referring to Coulter as looking like a close-up abortion.)

But as Jeff Ross posed so eloquently, “How do you roast someone from hell?” Needless to say, Coulter was amused by all of this:

Ann Coulter Rob Lowe Roast

Now that you’ve indulged me in all things Coulter, here’s a rundown of the sickest burns directed at the man of the hour (which are mostly about his bad acting and multiple sex tapes):

* “Rob was in a movie called The Outsiders back in the day. His character was called Soda Pop because, at the time, Rob was 98 percent coke.” – David Spade

* “Rob Lowe was in the Austin Powers movie 16 years ago. Can you believe it? Sixteen! Or as Rob calls it, 18.” – Spade

* “Rob Lowe, or as gonorrhea doctors call him, patient zero.” – Davidson

* “People call Rob Lowe a bad actor, but that’s only because they didn’t see him tell his wife he didn’t f–k that nanny.” – Davidson

* Jewel revealed that she asked to not kiss Lowe in an episode of the short-lived NBC drama The Lyon’s Den because she didn’t know where his mouth had been. She then treated the audience to a cute little ditty sung from the perspective of the 16-year-old girl in Lowe’s infamous sex tape. (Sample lyric: “Of all your films, I’m the best thing you’ve ever been in.”)

* “Something … something … sports-ball?” – Peyton Manning

* “You’re an adonis! You look like you’re sculpted. … You put the statue in statutory rape.” – Nikki Glaser

* “Rob has been in some of the most successful movies of our lifetime. … I’m sorry, on Lifetime.” – Spade

Your thoughts on Lowe’s roast? Drop a comment with your personal M.V.P. of the evening below.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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85 Comments
  1. JosiahBartlet4President says:

    Ann Coulter’s opinions are pretty awful, but she’s still a human being. Stooping to her level and saying such cruel things about her isn’t cool.

    • WireDream says:

      Uh, you realize IT’S A ROAST. What the hell is wrong with you?! Besides, Coulter is SUB-human. She’s a vile, hate-mongering, racist piece of animal excrement who deserves everything thrown at her.

      • dooby says:

        Project much? Actually that uh, “excrement” is what all you lefties are, and the point of a roast is TO BE FUNNY FIRST! Too bad all these little left-wing twerp comics no one has ever heard of (unlike wonderful Ann) like that teenager-looking monkeyface Davidson from a SNL no one watches anymore or Rob the Riddler, whoever the hell he is, were trying so hard to virtue-signal that they hated Ann first over actually delivering a funny joke! Greg Giraldo, who was left-wing but took comedy SERIOUSLY and would’ve killed is rolling over in his grave at these hacks with their little simpleton “Ann is racist!” “jokes” that weren’t funny or true but just the usual self righteousness of oh so pompous progressives

        • kevstar69 says:

          They were hilarious because they are true. Have you heard all the vile things Ann Coulter, the horseface tranny has said?

        • I was going to write something, but you said it much better, good job. I was extremely disappointed in all they said about Ann.She’s a human being and is allowed to her own opinions whether people like her or her comments. Everyone that spoke against her I have totally lost all respect for. When I heard what Peyton Manning said, that did it. I thought he was a good Christian man, sure had me fooled. Burn….never watch him again, no respect at all for any of them. And to the jerk who said it was a “Roast.” Well idiot, it wasn’t suppose to be a Roast about Ann and what they said was not even close to funny. They showed their true selves and their hate.

      • GR says:

        Coulter is SUB-human, therefore in WireDream’s world, it would be okay to kill her! I’ve screenshotted this post, as well as forwarded it to the FBI…good luck!

      • A.S. Morris says:

        If Coulter is sub-human, what on God’s green earth are you? This show was to be a roast of Rob Rowe, not an attack on Ann Coulter. If you ever want to watch real tatseful and comedic roasts wathc some the the Dean Martin roasts on YouTube and perhaps you’ll have a greater appreciation of the combination of personal digs, slams and tasteful humor. Jeff Ross is an idiot of the highest order. Nuff said!!

    • Amber says:

      I’m never okay with someone calling a woman the ‘c’ word. No matter who she is.

    • Jerri says:

      Isn’t it like saying “Hitler’s opinions and ideas were pretty awful, but he was still a human being. Why do people hate him so much?”

    • kevstar69 says:

      It’s a roast. The Repugnicant party complains about political correctness, so they can’t suddenly get mad when the hate is directed at them.

    • Max says:

      It was very uncomfortable to watch. I’ve seen every Comedy Central Roast but this one takes the cake for mean spirited banter. I dislike Ann Coulter and maybe she should have known it was coming considering the room she was in and being there to promote a book but the piling on Coulter got tiresome. For that twerp Davidson to get so offended by Coulters jab at him and mock her while she was on the podium and call her the C-word is pathetic. She sat thee quietly and took it … you should too. I know this is a roast but after you call her a racist for the 27th time … maybe it’s time for some fresh material.

      • kevstar69 says:

        What was the jab at Pete Davidson? That she thought he was biracial and was disappointed that he wasn’t?

        • Max says:

          Yes, the unfunny biracial line was one of many Coulter jokes that fell flat. My problem is when others hit him with similar cracks he rolled with it but coming from Coulter he was offended. He was also the only one who didn’t give Coulter courtesy applause after her brutal set. Grow up and be professional.

          • kevstar69 says:

            Professional? At a comedy club? And since when do you owe a performer courtesy applause?

          • Max says:

            This is a TV Show not midnight at the Laugh Shack. You have a point that no one is owed courtesy applause …. I gotta give you that. But just as Davidson plays characters in his profession Coulter has created a character that has been quite profitable for her. I liked Davidson’s roast jokes as much as any of them. I just think he acted like a wuss because he doesn’t agree with Coulters politics.

        • It doesn't matter. says:

          One of the men said, “I don’t know what you are” and proceeded to list possible ethnicities and mock him. Why is that okay to do but not okay when it was her turn? Oh, it was because she was the one with opinions they didn’t agree with. That must have made it okay.

      • B says:

        Well the idea of a roast is first and foremost, comedy. It is supposed to be funny, not cruel. And let’s not forget, the actual roast was to be directed at Rob Lowe, not Ann Coulter. I thought it was in poor taste to ambush her and gang up on her like a room full of bullies. Not to mention, telling her to kill herself? Really? I don’t care if you like her or not — that isn’t comedy.

        • Max says:

          You said it better than I did “B”. It wasn’t funny … it was cruel … dropping a one liner on Coulter is fine but most of them had to just keep piling on. It did feel like bullying and it wasn’t entertaining. It should have been Rob Lowe’s night and all we are talking about is Coulter. It really mimics what we’re seeing in America and the current election process. It seems it’s not enough to just disagree with someone you have to destroy them too.

        • She is C-u- next-tuesday says:

          It made me laugh. Out loud. Because she is. Its a word, that she is picture of :)

    • The Beach says:

      There are plenty of previous comedy roasts someone can view and see how crass and brutal they are. If you opt to participate and are shocked or offended you have no one to blame but yourself, esp if the only reason you are there is to promote a book.

    • valerie tower says:

      Everything that was said about ann is true. Don’t insult the rest on us by calling her human

  2. Abbie says:

    Remember when Rob Lowe raped a 16 year old girl, filmed it, and then they joked about it?? Sooo funny. Harhar! (WTF?)

    • WireDream says:

      Remember when a moron spewed a big fat libelous lie about an actor in a comments section? He never raped anyone, you uneducated idiot.

      • peterwdawson says:

        1988, 16 year old girl. He got off with community service and rape was never proven, but it was still sex with a minor.

      • Tina says:

        Um, it’s FACT. Underage 16 year old. Google is your friend.

      • bigdede says:

        Isn’t that called statutory RAPE? She was 16. He may have gotten a slap on the wrist but he did have kiddie p0rn. He’s nasty anyway it goes

        • Cas says:

          I’d just like to point out that 16 might be underage but still lwgal if it is the age of consent. Also, when I was 16 I was perfectly capable of making my own terrible choices. I was aware of what I was doing 100% of the time. I knew sex was sex and what a big deal it was. And I also tried to hook up with older men. In the end I never did, but I feel at 16 you are old enough to make your own choices.

  3. Amber says:

    How are normal people in this comment section so mean to perfect strangers? I’m sure someone is willing to hatefully explain it to me!

    • jones says:

      I am never sure how much of this is real, or somewhat rehearsed, Watched many roasts in my year, but most were pretty clean with digs all the same-but more of a fun roast, not cruel. Then again, they do preface that the show is going to not appeal to the masses.

      I wouldn’t be able to say or do this to anyone, nor would I handle taking it so well,
      When I sat down to watch it, it helped to know that these are actors, comedians and other figures used to critics and being in the limelight, Ego’s are strong in most of those fields—?

    • kevstar69 says:

      Why is Ann Coulter so mean to perfect strangers?

      • Ryan says:

        My issue with her is that she is like this all the time, often to every day Americans who deserve praise or sympathy not scorn (like the 9/11 widows).
        The rest are only like this at a roast. I still don’t get what the producers were smoking when they asked her to be there. She is literally pond scum.

      • AnnieM says:

        I think she was rejected by a Democrat years ago and became a scornful Republican because of it. Or, not. That’s the only guess I have. *shrug*

  4. ScottJ says:

    In most of the civilized world this would be called “bullying”. But for the USA its entertainment. No wonder there’s a violence problem.

    • kevstar69 says:

      Look at who the Republican presidential candidate is.

    • KFool says:

      I guess you don’t understand what a roast is, stereotyping people based on trivial things is stupid, so your oversimplifying of everything is what’s wrong with the world. No one being bullied schedules it and plans to share it on television, so your comparison is moronic.

    • bigdede says:

      Ever hear of the Dean Martin Roasts? I guess he was a bully also. smh stop playing victim.

    • Euvee says:

      I wish I could like your post a million times. How can crass, mean spirited comments, hiding under a politically correct term called a ‘roast’ be termed entertainment?

  5. Itwasaroast says:

    Ann Coulter deserved what she got! As someone already said ” IT WAS A ROAST!!” If you bring a woman like her on stage, someone who has offended everyone that’s possible ( Hispanics, African Americans, Jews, Caucasians, and even the mentally disabled!) Of course they are going to let her have it! What goes around comes around! It was a poor choice on her part to go!

  6. Big Cheddar says:

    Someone on her team must really hate her if they said it was a good idea for her to attend this. They had to have know she was goong to become the focus of the roast once she got there.

  7. That was a really boring and repetitive roast. It was like everybody was asleep or something! It was literally the same jokes over and over again: Anne’s racist, Peyton Manning’s stupid, Rob slept with a 16 year old. Repeat.
    Pete Davidson was a really bad sport, David Spade clearly didn’t want to be there and Rob Riggle actually gave me a migraine. I used to love these roasts but they have been going downhill for a while now. I’ve never had a problem with “shocking” humour, but when it’s just shock for shocks sake, it gets really tiresome. I used to laugh even if I didn’t know that much about the roastee but I don’t think I’ll bother watching another one unless it’s a celeb I am really really interested in. And even then, they better have a decent lineup of comedians.

  8. quang says:

    I agree, people should not be making fun of Ann Coultergeist.

  9. tovah11 says:

    What was wrong with changing the Rob Lowe to the Ann Coulter roast. You idiots were cruel and never mind that you just shoved her under the bus. I pity all of you.

    • kevstar69 says:

      I’d like to actually shove her under the bus. And a drag queen defending Ann Coulter. Must be one of those Log Cabin Repugnicant.

      • Eric says:

        You sure love that that stupid portmanteau of a word you’ve now used in multiple posts. If there’s any wonder why political discourse and civility in this country is so bad, you are a prime of example of the cause. When did having a difference of opinion make the other person Hitler? Seems that many liberals resort to Hitler or one of the many -ists to gain the supposed moral high ground so that they can end debates quickly since the conservative in the conversation is left having to defend themselves from those accusations and other liberals can keep piling on.

  10. GuessWhat says:

    For you morons who don’t know your history — the age of consent in Georgia (where the video was made) — was 16 at the time. There was NO underage minor. It may seem creepy — but the law is the law.

    • hannah says:

      The sex may not have been illegal, but taping it most definitely is. Child pornography is still child pornography regardless of age of consent.

    • AnnieM says:

      People are also forgetting that Rob Lowe was 22 or 23 at the time, not 50 like he is now. I mean, yeah, he doesn’t appear to have aged at all since then (ha, ha), but he was hardly robbing the cradle. I seriously doubt she was forced.

  11. Alec says:

    I just wish I was there to laugh at her ugly face.

  12. Alec says:

    The woman offended gays, hispanics, african americans, jews, people with disabilities and even other women! But her fans can’t handle some jokes on a roast?

  13. Debbie says:

    What they did to Ann Coulture was horrible. You could tell that the whole room was full of democrats whose goal was to make her out to be a Nazi. So, she has different views makes it ok to crucify her. No. The thing is all those people who insinuated or outright hated because they say she hates and judges…were hating and judging. I felt dirty and disgusted at the outpouring of hate. It was suppose to be about Rob and harmless burns. They made it horribly personal. I would not ever want to be associated with Hollywood and don’t understand why a pit of hate and immorality could be anyone’s dream life. Thank God for my simple life.

    • kevstar69 says:

      Good. Small town simpletons should stay right where they are.
      When you judge and hate what do you expect, hugs and Kumbaya?

      • Debbie says:

        Wow. Physic much? Who comes from a small town? Simple does not mean small. Someone (who needs Webster) who is not of the same opinion as you is a simpleton? I believe if you look that up, you will be right there because only a simpleton assumes info about another and judges accordingly. Also, no, no Kubbaya…just some non self righteous humanity but then what can I expect from people who revert to name calling like we are back in middle school…oh, yeah…you must be a democrate because that is where school yard bullying comes from. My bad.

    • Anne says:

      To build a career based on racist and sexist policies/opinions…..you have to expect to be called out for that. A person, particularly a public person, can’t expect to be treated with kindness and respect when they actively work to ensure other people aren’t treated with respect.
      .
      Can’t have your racist cake and eat it to. If she doesn’t want to be called a racist misogynist than she shouldn’t act like one. It’s really not difficult

    • CountryQueen says:

      Um, you’re posting here, so you are, gasp, associating with Hollywood. Which you also do if you watch ANY sort of entertainment.

      • Debbie says:

        Read my English, chick. Associated with Hollywood does not mean knowing of Hollywood. Does no one actually pay attention to grammar anymore?! Gasp, chick, get a dictionary.

    • dru mont says:

      Oh, give me a break – Ann Coulter IS horrible and she is a borderline Nazi. Don’t try and defend her as a poor, pitiful Pearl – she’s slime!

  14. Alf says:

    Everyone loves to say Coulter or Trump is “racist. ” please, tell me the most racist thing each one of them has said and I guarantee you that you said something worse in private.

    Seriously, give me an example of the most racist thing they’ve said.

    Liberals are pathetic lemmings that are sanctimonious awholes. They’re the ones that pretend to be your friend and stab you in the back.

    • It doesn't matter. says:

      Yeah, Alf, I have been trying to figure out where the racist thing comes from. All words and photos past and present of them tell a different story. Bill Clinton’s campaign stated the same exact Trump/Coulture agenda(except he had no actual plan) and he was never called a racist. Politics should be saved for the political arena. I lost respect for a lot of those people during ROB LOWE’S roast. Behind the podium, they became sheep. She was awkward up there, but who wouldn’t be when there is an unfair advantage In favor of hundreds of sheep trying to tear her apart. It took some major cajones to get up there after that. (Even though the sheep were attacking her lady “cajones”…the real ones, not the metaphorical ones. That was gross)

    • CountryQueen says:

      Most racist? What if I post something and you agree it’s racist, but not the most racist?

  15. It doesn't really matter. says:

    The point is being missed. The roast was about Rob. Ann Coulture takes shots at people, yes. Everyone is suppose to stand for their beliefs regardless who agrees or disagrees, but do it when the subject is actually about politics. Democrats are all about “this is America. There should be freedom for all to have opinions…gay, straight, black, and white.” And then a Republican states their opposition and it becomes, “oh, yeah as long as the Republicans agree with us. How dare they act like they have the freedom to have opposition!” Taking pot shots on an uneven playing field is low. It’s like arming someone with a brush when everyone else has a gun. I have never, as bad as Coulture has ever been, seen her take her agenda and fire it at anyone outside a political arena. It has always been during a debate/discussion in a political arena. Her opinions are aired because someone in the political world INVITES it. The roast was suppose to be fun and cough, cough…about Rob Lowe.

  16. Spence says:

    Republican Conservatives: *makes countless jabs and attacks at POC, queer people, Muslims, handicapable, “triggers” and “safe spaces”*
    People: *roast Ann Coulter for one event that she still probably made a crap ton of money for*
    Republican Conservatives: NO FAIR! YOURE BEING SO HATEFUL AND RUDE FOR NO REASON!!

    • Debbie says:

      Yeah, I did not know only Republicans did all of that. I thought everyone did. I must be the only Republican who has a beloved gay family member, has a sister-in-law that I love dearly from Iraq, and who IS actually handicapped. Wow. I am special…and I did not know that stating an opposing view was cause to go comicon on someone outside of a political fighting arena…I will remember that next time someone tells me it’s not okay for me to be against gay marriage even if I do love a gay person enough to give my life for them or that I don’t want illegals here but will help a Muslim get a drivers license, or feel like welfare should exchanged for community service and help a black woman load up her groceries. I will make sure they won’t know that all that I did Because I thought it was kind was really because of my political views. Gotta love a narrow mind and all of the ah ha moments that open up their worlds.

      • Bonita1973 says:

        I’m a Christian and I also oppose gay marriage but I love gay people and am racially harmonious. I am pro miscegenation and do practice it. Ann is racist and wants no other race in this country but White people. That’s not right.

        It’s okay to disagree with gay people which I as a Christian absolutely do, but it’s another thing to HATE them, bully them, murder them and mock them because you disagree. I will never support homosexuality in any way, but I will also never bully them, wish ill to them or be ill-compassioned toward them.

        As Christians we need to pray for our gay brothers and sisters and be as genuinely loving and kind toward them as Jesus is. We also need to love every ethnic group as our own. We are all the same and are one. Ann DOES NOT recognize these things and she does not practice love or racial harmony. I’m not saying the roast was right but I also don’t agree with the way Ann treats others. I didn’t watch the roast but I have seen previews for it.

  17. Rob Horine says:

    Since you guys can call Coulter this kind of stuff, then it must be fine if I can trash Hillary. You lefties call us the most vile things and then act hurt when we fight back.

    IT MAKES ME SICK!

  18. HAP says:

    Coulter was willing to take the hits in return for pimping her awful Trump book.

  19. dru mont says:

    Ann Coulter is a bitch and deserves every terrible thing said about her – she’s a walking, talking canker sore who infects the public discourse in the worst way. Once Trump loses, maybe she will return to Satan and rule Hell with him!

  20. A.S. Morris says:

    I’m a pretty thick skined individual and not too much offends me, that said, this roast had to be the most disgusting and offensive thing I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing. This was not a roast of Rob Lowe, but rather a distasteless attack on Ann Coultre. Regardless of what you think of Coultre, she is after all a human being. Some of the statements made against her were beyond the realms of humor, even outrageous shock humor. Jeff Ross is an idiot of the higest order. His so called tribute to Prince, was in of itself also disgusting. We as a society are going backwards. These new age roasts are not just a sham of what Dean Martin and his roasts presented which were real and paid genuine repsect to those that were being roasted. The best performer and saving grace of last night’s debacle was Peyton Manninf who made some pretty good slams, but was still respectful and clean.

  21. Norman Emerson says:

    CC has been one of my favorite channels on TV. I especially enjoyed @midnight. Tosh, & the celebrity roasts. CC has been a welcome escape to the daily mudslinging and venom-spitting on the news…until now. This latest roast, along w the consistency of the daily/nightly shows & @midnight, has taken away the benefits of the escape from said slinging & spitting. Note: Trump isn’t remotely qualified to be President & Coulter is an idiot! That being said…I’m guessing she did not volunteer to be on that roast. Out on a limb, she didn’t lobby for the honor either. Her treatment on that excuse of entertainment was disgraceful. Would have been so to anyone of any political, racial, ethnic or social affiliation. The spears of hateful rhetoric lobbed at her and others like her of similar political n social stances is not only despicable, it’s just plain cheap. It’s low-hanging fruit for less talented would-be or has-been comics to get an easy laugh or cheer they couldn’t otherwise get through real talent or imagination or material. You @ CC used to be appointment viewing…a welcome distraction from the daily grind. You have now sunk into the pits with the rest of the hacks. CC has been programmed in my “favorites” mode on my provider. It’s now off. I will no longer watch your programming for any event, program or any reason for that matter. So you can roast Kim Jong Un, ISIS leadership, or Satan for all I care. I WILL NOT WATCH EVER AGAIN!

  22. Gagism says:

    That was probably the worst Comedy Central Roast I have seen yet, yes there was a few laughs but all the blatant attacks on Anne was a bit much. You could tell by the look on her face she did not belong there. To me this looked like a farce setup specifically to attack her. It was very petty and childish.

  23. D. Mac says:

    Anne is headed to HEAVEN…rob n friends are going really low to HELL!!

  24. Bonita1973 says:

    Rob seems to swing in whatever direction the wind blows as far as race relations are concerned. During one interview he agreed that it’s okay to make fun of someone’s race and declared it as “open season”, now he’s roasting Ann Coulter for her racism? That’s the pot to the kettle. His attitude seems very Alternative Right. I gave him the benefit of the doubt in the past but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I can’t help but wonder if he too doesn’t think very highly of no rich, non famous minorities. I kinda get that vibe from him now.