Mistresses Recap: Pill Street Blues

There are things to celebrate about this week’s Mistresses: the absence of bratty teen Lucy and awful Aussie Kate, the jaw-dropping beauty of Karen’s blue lace dress, and especially the insanity of Lydia dropping in during her boss’ “appetizer” course.

But like Elizabeth Grey sans martini or Josslyn Carver without a zippy punchline, there’s a certain spice missing from Season 4, Episode 10 — and that’s why I’d put it near the very bottom of my all-time Mistresses episodes ranking.

When IRS inquiries, email etiquette and Marc’s music career are hogging screen time that would be better spent on Karen’s sexcapades or the inevitable Joss-Harry confrontation that’s slow-burned like a lump of melted wax and buttercreme frosting atop a month-old birthday cake, it’s time to pick up the pace. And with only three episodes left before the “renewed or cancelled” anxiety kicks in full-force, the time has come for the show’s writers to hit the accelerator.

With that said, let’s recap the action from “Confrontations””

PRESCRIPTION FOR DISASTER | Joss is spiraling more quickly than a mini-Transformer toy’s detached arm down a bathtub drain*. (*A brief insight into the biggest drama in your recapper’s house this weekend.) She’s sleeping on the couch, stealing Rx pads from Karen since she’s run out of her client’s pilfered anxiety meds, and she’s even clashing with her relentless Impact instructor Jackie. The latter chica is pushing her pretty aggressively to talk to the cops on background about the abusive boyfriend who murdered their classmate Marisol, but just the mere mention of legal proceedings sends Joss into bad-flashback mode. She’s waking up in a cold sweat remembering her unjust arrest for the murder of Lucca Raines and her night of horror being taken hostage by bewigged Wilson. At long last, like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense (spoiler alert that really shouldn’t be spoiler alerted) realizing he’s dead too, Harry finally sees his fiancée stumbling, stuttering, tuning out and looking miserable — and as the episode ends, he tells her he discovered her stash of pills. Please, Joss, don’t storm out of the room. It’s been too damn long since Jes Macallan and Brett Tucker shared a juicy scene — and I don’t want to wait til the season finale to get one.

COWBOY, SEND HER AWAY | April’s mom is the literal worst — giving transphobic monologues in the obviously progressive-leaning Maison Sur Mer, referring to April’s verrry recent ex as “a Peter Pan white boy,” accusing her of bringing “all sorts of men” around impressionable Lucy and (worst of all?) serving “veggie bacon” at breakfast. Joss finally looks at April and demands she “cowboy up” to her mama, the way she’d treat anybody else in her life overstepping their boundaries. Randy, too, who definitely needs to be a series regular if/when Season 5 is announced, gives his boss a pep talk. Sure, she’s a tough boss, but not because he’s gay, but because he breaks stuff. Plus, he “cannot watch old people eat,” so who is he to judge April if she didn’t immediately embrace Michael’s news bulletin about being transgender with grace and sophistication. Voila! April appears to be back in righteous, delightful Season 1-3 form, as she sends Marjorie off to live with some beloved auntie. “I don’t want you out of my life, just out of my house,” she tells her mom. Plus, she sends and email apology to Michael and extends an olive branch voicemail message to Marc. Too bad the latter gent is in a stadium parking lot with Sonja or Sofia or Siri or whatever the hell his ex’s name is. He’s decided, at Harry’s urging, to take his music career more seriously — and he realizes this means he needs to quit their band. “I want you to do it with me,” he tells She Whose Name Will Not Be Remembered by Labor Day. But while he’s obviously talking about making music, he seemingly is also talking about making music (hubba hubba) and they’re smooching eagerly at around the same time April’s leaving her concillatory “can we talk?” voicemail.

THE EAR THAT EAVESDROPS ON THE BEDROOM DOWN THE HALL FROM THE CRADLE | “Definitely do not trust your gut — when has that ever gotten you anywhere?” says Joss, totally earnest, when Karen tells her she and new beau Adam haven’t gotten physical, then wonders if it means there’s something wrong with him. Hot Mama puts on the aforementioned blue lace dress, barely gives her infant daughter a pat on the arm (could someone please create a Tumblr blog recounting all of Karen’s baffling interactions with little Vivian?), and by the end of the night is calling her nanny and asking, “Girl, could you work a few extra hours while I reenact Chapters 6 and 11 of my sexual-awakening memoir Unleashed?”

Little does Karen know, Lydia was the one who initially reached out to Adam via internet dating site, and is now dying inside as the guy shows up and hands her giant bouquets with silica packs and instructions for proper watering and maintenance. This is not the garden that needed tending! When Lydia refuses to work the late shift and later tells Karen she doesn’t trust Adam (a man who’s gone so far as to say Karen’s next step should be to “fall in love with a man who’s truly available to you”), the conversation gets more tense than a Hillary Clinton sitdown with Sean Hannity. “My personal relationships are absolutely none of your business,” Karen seethes in full Alpha Dog mode, and Lydia quickly backs down. The next night, though, Lydia forgets that instruction and lets herself back in to Karen’s pad right as she and Adam head upstairs for their opening course (euphemism fully intended). I can’t tell if she’s shocked, horrified, aroused or enraged as she listens to the sound of her boss and her obsession dippin’ it and doin’ it (TM Wendy Williams), but I sincerely hope next Monday’s episode picks up seconds after this scene left off. I mean, Lydia knows Karen’s history with thruples and nannies — so could you really blame her if she walked through the door and made Karen and Adam an offer they’d definitely refuse?

YOU KNOW THAT HE’S NO GOOD | Harry’s investment in the hotel restaurant — and his salary — are on hold as Jonathan reveals he’s being investigated by the IRS. Every time Jonathan talks, it sounds like an exotic and very expensive riddle. Harry hears him say that early in his career, he frequently had to “choose the deal over the person,” and so, he winds up pushing his manager to make happen a Season 2 of his Food Network series, the better to have leverage to walk away from his partnership with Jonathan. Wait, is Harry’s Plan B to be embroilled in an unwinnable lawsuit or wind up dead in a Dumpster? Or is his willful ignoring of his manager’s advice a sign that he’s been recklessly popping Joss’ pills and they’re impairing his judgment?

What did you think of this week’s Mistresses? Did you find the action a little lackluster? How do you want the season to end? Sound off below!