The Vampire Diaries Recap

Vampire Diaries Recap: Vamp vs. Wild

I can’t say I’ve ever seen The Revenant, but after watching Friday’s Vampire Diaries — directed by executive producer Julie Plec — I can confidently say I feel like I’ve seen it.

Trapped in the shell of an alcoholic fugitive, Stefan weathered the elements, angry locals and his host body’s debilitating addiction in order to reunite with his brother — all while his real body was being ridden dirty by a sadistic vampire from the 19th century. (When Mary Louise destroyed the Phoenix Stone, she released “some of the most evil vampires of the last 200 years,” so… thanks for that!)

Speaking of sadistic vampires from the 19th century, Damon ended up coming through for Stefan in a way that only Damon could: by converting Stefan’s resentment into fuel. “Come kick my ass yourself,” Damon teased over the phone after being told he sucks at “playing hero.” To be honest, the Salvatores’ vicious cycle of emotion-exploiting is starting to feel a little like a snake eating itself — but a really handsome, brooding snake with great hair. So we’re good.

(Side note, because I don’t know where else to put this: How much did you love Damon masquerading as Matt Donovan, the “finest, bravest, least stupid cop you’ve ever met”? I’m sure Damon was being sarcastic, but taken out of context, that is a factual statement.)

Back in Dallas, the most unlikely trio of all-time — that’d be Alaric, Valerie and Rayna — united to locate Stefan’s one true bod, but because this is still TVD, the gang also found time to take personal jabs at one another’s relationships. My personal favorite was this sassy sentiment from Valerie to Alaric: “I never fooled myself into thinking what I had with Stefan would last. You put a ring on it.” (Needless to say, Valerie is ‘shipping Alaric and Caroline hard. )

Then again, it doesn’t exactly sound like Alaric has a ton of faith in his impending nuptials — which are apparently only a month away. (I haven’t gotten my Save the Date yet. Have you?) To be honest, I can’t really visualize Caroline going through with it, but I hope she makes that decision before the day of the ceremony. If there’s one equation I know to be true, it’s Alaric + weddings = dead brides.

Time to talk back, TVD fans: Did you enjoy this episode? Were you as impressed with Paul Wesley’s performance as I was? And was my assumption about this being Revenant-esque even remotely accurate? Drop a comment with your answers below.