Degrassi Next Class Premiere

Degrassi: Next Class Premiere: Grade the New and Improved Netflix Drama

Bands! Backstabbing! Butts! When the clock struck midnight on Friday, Degrassi returned to these United States — by way of Netflix — in the form of Next Class, a glossier, crazier version of the classic Canadian soap.

A political war between bitter exes Tristan and Miles — plus some “boring” girl named Goldi I think — delivered the crux of the premiere’s drama. Unsurprisingly, Miles fired the first shot, stealing Tristan’s campaign slogan (“Everyone’s gay best friend”) and twisting it to fit his own bisexual agenda (“I play for all teams”).

The couple’s future appeared slightly less dim at the Hollingsworth campaign’s pool party — a bank-breaking soiree for which Miles was eventually disqualified — where they snuck in a quick make-out behind closed doors. But come election day, Tristan realized he wasn’t the only student falling victim to Miles’ sexy tactics.

“Enjoy it while it lasts, because I’m going to destroy you,” Miles snarled like a down-but-not-quite-out Disney villain. “And for the record, I wasn’t over you — but I certainly am now.”

Elsewhere…

BABY (DON’T) GOT BACK | The episode’s second-tier drama stemmed from Shay’s insecurity about her lack of a butt, following Lola’s two key revelations: “Butts are the new boobs” and “all the sluts [Tiny] tweets about have dope butts.” In a well-intended but completely misguided attempt to catch Tiny’s eye, Shay introduced cotton butt-padding into the equation, to which her entire science class became privy after Winston spilled a corrosive chemical on her. Fortunately, Tiny was able to see the girl behind the butt, allowing this new Degrassi ‘ship to (finally) leave the harbor.

LOW NOTE | Lingering towards the bottom of the drama ladder were Maya and Zig, whose issues in the premiere revolved around her not wanting to have sex with him or let him play in her new band. (Oh, she’s really serious about the music thing now. She’s even determined to become “the next T-Swift or something even more amazing.”) I’m no meteorologist, but this couple’s forecast is looking to be all gray skies and thunderstorms; honestly, is Jonah’s presence ever an omen of good things to come?

And I’m not really sure where to squeeze this little nugget, so I’ll just drop it here: Grace and Zoe had an awkward exchange at the pool party — their first run-in since hooking up in “Summer Girls” — where they ultimately decided to move forward as friends. I’m glad that was resolved for now, though I’d be surprised if this proves to be the last talk they have.

Fellow Degrassi enthusiasts, your thoughts on Netflix’s continuation? Grade the premiere below, then drop a comment with your full review. (And check back tomorrow at 12/11c for our take on the big finale.)