The ladies at Orange Is the New Black‘s Litchfield Penitentiary just earned themselves a lifetime spot on Santa’s naughty list.
The inmates’ NSFW take on ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas describes a holiday gone wrong at the women’s prison, as a visit from Kris Kringle culminates in an all-out riot.
Old Saint Nick’s beatdown isn’t likely to factor into series canon, but Laura Prepon’s appearance might be telling of whether Alex has survived Season 3’s cliffhanger, which found her locked in a shed with a killer sent by Kubra.
Watch the non-festive tale above, then sound off in the comments. (OITNB Season 4 premieres in 2016.)