Donald Trump's Saturday Night Live Opening Monologue: Grade It!

Let’s not make this post a referendum on whether or not NBC made the right decision in allowing Donald Trump to host Saturday Night Live — mainly because I’ve got another article planned for later tonight on that exact subject.

For now, let’s put aside our deeply held partisan beliefs — don’t laugh… it’s possible-ish! — and weigh in on whether the Republican  presidential candidate/Celebrity Apprentice host/hairstyle cautionary tale can post a “Mission Accomplished” banner as a result of delivering genuine laughs with his opening monologue.

Trump’s verrrrry brief intro consisted of three jokes:

* Trump saying his longtime enemy Rosie O’Donnell had shown up to support him — then ignoring cast member Aidy Bryant’s attempts to convince him she wasn’t the former The View firebrand.

* Trump being flanked by the man currently charged with playing him on the show (Taran Killam) as well as prior impersonator Darrell Hammond as evidence he knows how to take a joke. (Killam’s wordless pomposity was especially choice — but Trump himself didn’t bring much to the moment.)

* Trump getting hit with a heckler yelling “You’re a racist!” — before the cameras cut away backstage to show Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David (who played Bernie Sanders in the cold open), admitting he’d made $5,000 for the accusation.

From my couch, this was a bunt from Trump where (love him or hate him) you’d at least have expected an attempt at a home run.

But what did you think? Press PLAY above and watch Trump’s monologue (again?), then vote in the poll below, and then sound off in the comments!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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98 Comments
  1. Susan says:

    Great intro!

  2. Lysh says:

    I don’t like Trump as a person or a politician, but being joined by two other SNL Trumps and then Larry David shouting “you’re racist!” was pretty good. And then the first sketch started and I left halfway through.

    • sara says:

      oh yes, racism is hilarious. My God Americans are stupid.

      • Lysh says:

        Yikes, rude. I didn’t say racism was funny. David’s delivery was. Even though Trump really is though.

      • Wordsmith says:

        Racism is serious business, but publicly making fun of racists on national television is occasionally pretty funny.

      • Tai says:

        Right. Cuz all Americans are cool with racism. Check your xenophobia at the door when posting, okay?

        • sara says:

          right. You idiots are supporting a racist scumbag and calling those who despise him xenophobes?? You really are confused.

          • Tai says:

            I’m actually not confused at all. I don’t support Trump in any way shape or form. I’m not watching SNL right now. Nor do I even remotely identify with the Republican Party. So I got back to my original statement of sarcasm which flew right over your clearly unenlightened head. My point was that obviously there a lot of Americans that don’t support him. So your original statement is beyond offensive and actually really ignorant. But feel free to keep thinking the way you do. At this point, I expect nothing more.

          • Angela says:

            1, you need to learn sarcasm.
            2, try not lumping all of us Americans together and throwing out stereotypes and assumptions, mmkay? Thanks.

          • sara says:

            Guess what America? You bathe yourselves in stupidity don’t be surprised when you start reeking of it. If you don’t want people to call you on your racism don’t be so bleeping obvious about it. If you aren’t racists then you would be equally disgusted by Trump hosting this show.

          • Angela says:

            @sara: I am a American who was, and still am, bothered by the idea of Trump hosting this show. I cannot fathom why the hell anyone supports the guy for president, or likes him, or gives him any sort of serious attention. I never cared for him even before he ran for president. He always came off ridiculously pompous and obnoxious to me, and his presidential run has only further confirmed that to be true. So what’s your response to that?
            .
            Once again, we do not all think alike here in the U.S.. Please stop acting as though we do. There are many of us who cannot stand Trump, and find his attitudes about various groups of people repugnant and offensive. And considering the fact that Trump’s time at the top of the presidential heap seems to be fading fast, the chances of him ever becoming president are thankfully very small, if not entirely nonexistent.
            .
            Feel free to call out racists where possible, certainly. Lord knows they deserve to be called on their idiocy. But you are seriously misguided in your stereotypes and assumptions about this country as a whole. Just because some people support the guy does NOT mean we all do, and just because some people agree with what he has to say does not mean we all do. Get that through your head.

        • curtis says:

          Grow up, it’s a television program.

        • Tom22 says:

          @Tal, You make me so angry and scared because free speech and provocative use of humor is beginning to be los. Humor is irony, juxtaposing thoughts in inane ways to expand vantage points – the shouting “racist” was interesting on many levels. Our traditions of free speech as a core value is being lost as some strident people demand some sort of “correct” speech; unable to understand the use of provocative hyperbole and shock to break stiff formality of situations etc. Pretty soon guys aren’t going to be able to give each other friendly crap about a short haircut because someone might overhear what they mistakenly regard as creating an “adversarial work environment” regardless if the receiving party feels it’s good jest or not. I’ll stop, because it gets me worked up. Actually : ) maybe you’re just trolling! ; ) you got me! good job!

      • jake says:

        “Americans are stupid.” Yeah man good thing we’re not making assumptions about groups of people based off of stereotypes… like those racists… Are you seeing the irony here? Bernie 2016!

  3. sara says:

    Slezak, why are you pimping this racist pig??

    • Lucifer says:

      Lena Dunham admitted to sexually abusing her sister for 10 years and still is beloved on this site and you’re upset TV Line did something they usually do with SNL and other events?

      • sara says:

        Seriously?? You idiots want to elect this racist megalomaniac pig president and you wonder why people are disgusted that people view this as entertainment?? Really?

        • Lucifer says:

          Actually, I don’t want Trump for president. I was simply pointing out someone who has done worse things is much more popular on this site.

    • Mary says:

      Whether you like it or not, it’s his job. Doesn’t mean he supports the idiot, despite what YOU think, and neither does it mean that anyone else commenting without being as rude as you are about it supports Trump either. Comments don’t automatically equal support for Trump.

  4. Zoe says:

    Trump should not be hosting.

  5. Tom says:

    Larry David was excellent in the intro but he was the only good part and then that insufferable first sketch…maybe it’s time to have LD on to host a full episode.

  6. Trumps Tower says:

    Trump is as Americana as it gets. His professionalism and his quirks are a welcome and needed change. He shows the world he has a sense of humor and humility. As for the illegals he wants to deport; I say deport them at any cost!

    • sara says:

      Professionalism?? He is an ignorant racist megalomaniac clown. Aren’t you late for your cross burning?

      • None O. Urbusiness says:

        Name calling Sara? Wow, you libs are soooo intellectual. Read a book and come back.

        • Tai says:

          Please don’t associate anything coming out of Sara’s mouth as being liberal. Because her ignorance is definitely not in line with anything any rational liberal would say.

        • sara says:

          And let’s talk about name calling for a minute. You do realize that your idol Trump is an expert on bullying and name calling, right??

      • Mike says:

        sara you seem to be the racist.

        • sara says:

          Mike, a racist is someone like Trump who calls for an entire ethnic race to be expelled from the country because of their ethnicity. That is racism. I abhor that position. I am not a racist. You have no problem with it. You are a racist. I am pretty sure your definition is something along the lines of ” a racist is someone who opposes racism”. You would therefore be very incorrect. Please go get an education.

          • casey says:

            You’re right Sarah, you’re NOT a racist. 
            YOUR A BIGOT.

            big·ot
            \ˈbi-gət\noun

            : a person who strongly and unfairly dislikes other people, ideas, etc. : a bigoted person; especially : a person who hates or refuses to accept the members of a particular group (such as a racial or religious group)
             http://i.word.com/idictionary/bigot

            Main Entry: bigot

            Part of Speech: noun

            Definition: intolerant, prejudiced person

            Synonyms: chauvinist, diehard, doctrinaire, dogmatist, enthusiast, extremist, fanatic, fiend, maniac, monomaniac, opinionated person, partisan, persecutor, puritan, racist, sectarian, segregationist, sexist, stickler, superpatriot, zealot

            ANTONYMS : humanitarian, liberal, tolerator

             http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/bigot

    • luke says:

      As someone outside America, i can say that this does not reflect well on you at all. It just shows ur country is a joke who can’t save themselves from… well, themselves.

      Now Canada, they’re fixing they’re image.

      • Lucifer says:

        Yes, because having a prime minister who is a former drama teacher that only talks about making sure gender quotas would be filled in all workplaces is such a great thing for Canada.

        • Melora says:

          Because sexists like you want the USA to turn back to 1955. Got news for you. The world is changing. DEAL WITH IT

          • Lucifer says:

            So because I’m against quotas based strictly on things like sex, i’m sexist? I guess just being qualified for the job is not good enough…

          • George says:

            How about instead of lashing out and calling everyone sexist

            You respond with a constructive argument.

        • Luke says:

          Talks… He actually has a 50/50 split in his cabinet with former refugees and a Paralympian…. So it ain’t just talk. His actions actually reflect his words and is setting an example.

          • Lucifer says:

            My point is that it appears to be the ONLY thing he talks about. I admit I haven’t checked within the last few weeks, but up to a week after being elected, Trudeau has not said what his major plans are for Canada. His only concern is giving jobs to people based on their gender to fill quotas. And that’s a lousy example to be setting.

        • cuius says:

          Probably better than having a potential President who is a drama queen

      • Truth says:

        Cool, guess we are on your countries level then, cause you sound just as dumb as trump does when you speak.

    • Tai says:

      He doesn’t represent any part of America I want to be a part of. His values do not respect mine or that of anyone I know. So yeah, Donald Trump and all of the people who think like him do not reflect anything resembling my reality or the people around me. Sorry.

      • None O. Urbusiness says:

        Let me introduce myself. Now you know someone that Trump totally represents. His SNL apperance was awesome. Thumbs up.

        • Tai says:

          Hi. Let me introduce myself. I’m a person who doesn’t believe that people who hide behind usernames on the Internet are people I know or people who’s opinions outrank the actual flesh and blood people that I know.

        • Melora says:

          The only people Trump represents are immature, immature, racist white men who hate change and progress and want to set the country back 50 years.

          • George says:

            Really? Immature?

            And yet. A bunch of people are offering 5,000 dollars to call him racist. Call him a retard for not defending Obama, which ISN’T his job. And overall send Feminazis and Bigots to attack him during speeches.

            But no you’re probably right.

            *Very obviously rolls eyes*

  7. lisa thompson says:

    Do not care for trump, but the guy is real and can laugh at himself.

  8. nickp91 says:

    SNL ratings gonna be so high off

  9. Mark Mann says:

    Go get the liberals, racist, liers and losers and make this country great again!!

    • George says:

      Love or hate Trump. Offering to pay 5,000 just to call someone racist on television is just plain immature, and they should be ashamed of themselves. I severely dislike Hillary and even I wouldn’t wish that on her.

      • Lin says:

        Absolutely George! I’m for Trump and can’t understand why people say he’s racist when he has always CLEARLY said…..He wants ILLEGALS OUT (and that is anyone that is here illegally!!) Then come back legally!! What is so hard about that to understand. People hear what they want to hear or what’s easier for those people….illegals!

        • George says:

          He said one thing. And only ONE thing ever that sounded controversally racist. It was about calling some of the mexican illegal immigrants rapists thing. That was it. That one line apparently makes him want to don his pointy white hood and start burning any non-white for the glory of Purity, according to the news. I do agree that the way he worded it was wrong, but hell. What do you expect, the man never reads a Teleprompter. Off the cuff lines are expected.

          But honestly that big blowout comes from the same people who want people to hate him because he didn’t defend Obama when someone called him a muslim. Or really, any reason. Then you have on the other side, who wants to give people who broke the law of coming in illegally FREE COLLEGE AND HEALTHCARE. They don’t like to talk about the fact that we have to pay for it either. And really it isn’t just left wing people because there’s nothing wrong with being left or right. Both in balance work the best. It’s just. Corrupt people, on both sides. And it needs to stop.

  10. None O. Urbusiness says:

    TRUMP was HUGE!!! Enjoyed the show soooooo much.

  11. We need someone who is not afraid to speak out! We need someone to run the White House the way it was intended by our forefathers now!

    • None O. Urbusiness says:

      Here here. Show was great…….HUGE.

    • Melora says:

      Yes a man who went Bankrupt several times will help this country. You are ignorant. $ years of Donald and his right wing fascist cronies will end up destroying this country.
      We will end up in another depression. There will be shanty towns and people will be starving and dying. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

      • Morisot says:

        Read about the Wollman Rink in NYTimes articles in 1986 and 1987. New York City had closed the rink for six years and poured 12 million dollars into renovating it. With no end in sight to the closure or the hemorrhaging of taxpayer money, Donald Trump stepped up with a plan. Under budget, and in less than a year, Trump took what had become a dismal hole-in-the-ground and turned it into a world-class tourist attraction that helped reinvigorate Central Park.

  12. Beth Anglemyer says:

    Not that my vote matters but I want to like the man but tonight reminded me why I can’t. Thank you SNL I don’t this poll is accurate it was not easy to find.

  13. P. BALDWIN says:

    TRUMP AND THE SHOW WAS A MAJOR LET DOWN. DID NOTHING FOR TRUMP

  14. mnlakes says:

    If it weren’t for Donald I would never have watched it. They had a chance to impress us but missed the boat big time. Liked the Check from Mexico though

  15. Joe says:

    If you don’t like Trump no matter how it went you will not like it. I have to admit leaving political views aside-overall the show was funny-

  16. Jennifer LaVergne says:

    I love the Donald!

  17. Just me says:

    Love the “white Russian ” joke from the drunk uncle.
    Huge disappointment though; a cameo would of been more than enough.
    Hillary was way funnier.

  18. Bea says:

    Donald Trump will make a great president! He is a successful business man! When is the American media going to give him a fair go? The whole world can see biast on US media reporting. Donald, keep going! Don’t give up & you will get there ! You will be president! Wishing you all the best!

    • sara says:

      ummm, Bea? You do realize Trump hates women, right?? (I assume the fact that he is a complete racist doesn’t bother you one bit).

      • Melora says:

        Bea probably didnt go to college or something. Hopefully he wont get elected.

      • Jasper says:

        Sara, it’s pretty obvious that you’re just trying to start arguments on this message board. If you’re really that bored, step away from your computer screen and do something productive with your life. People like you are not welcome on TVLine.

    • Melora says:

      A business man who went bankrupt 4 times annd marries several times. 4 years from now if he comes president…you will see this country in a depression. There will only be poor and wealthy. People will be dying and starving. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? Are you that selfish?

      • George says:

        Well it’s actually proven he himself never went bankrupt. I believe it was companies he happened to be attached to that went bankrupt, and he detached before that. Something complicated like that.

        Also I don’t thing how many times someone gets married affects how much food or money people get.

  19. Lucie says:

    Moderator? Where are you?

  20. Wee says:

    @Slezak Maybe you should have disabled the comments on this thread……..

    • Angela says:

      Surprisingly, this is probably one of the tamer comment threads I’ve read on here, believe it or not. I’ve seen fandom debates that got way nastier than this.

  21. Mike Simms says:

    I didn’t watch. I recently ‘re painted my living room and was busy watching the paint dry.

  22. Amy says:

    Fantastic , funny, exciting performance .

  23. Azrielen says:

    I would rather grade my dog’s most recent bowel movements that subject myself to this to grade it.

  24. lesa says:

    VERY GOOD…. Best snl this year……. liked the skits… liked the fact that the dirty talk was low…. GREAT JOB TRUMP

  25. yamile says:

    I love his personal

  26. Bette Earnhardt says:

    Despite the protestors outside it was a great show! He has shown that he has the balls to make America great again! I welcome him as our new Commander and Chief of the United States of America.

  27. Bette Earnhardt says:

    Ms. Sara sounds like you hate America, you know you can leave whenever you want.
    Gee Whiz! so much hate !

  28. Ruben says:

    I hope Larry gives the money to a Hispanic charity amd Trump should double that amount. The organization paying the money they should triple the amoun.🇲🇽💲
    All three should do it on live TV on the Univision station

  29. Mr. Tran K says:

    I give it an A. Whether you like him hate him or loathe him if he’s in the running to become the next President of the United States, Trump can do whatever he wants and his monologue was brilliant.

  30. macdoctors says:

    Repost: When both extremes, the left and right, hate him so much, then he’s my president. Here’s what I love about Trump: 1. Strong, cocky, confident leader who does not back down from a fight. We need someone to tune out the PC static that prevents America from defending herself from all the threats around the world and here at home. 2. He’s honest and authentic. I know he’s brash and rubs illegal aliens and the good ol’ boys at the Chamber of Greed the wrong way, and that’s exactly what we need. He supports the MIDDLE AMERICAN, not the extremes. 3. He is not afraid to call America’s enemies out, and that includes the INVASION of welfare-exploiting il😤legal aliens. I’m all in for Trump!

    • Angela says:

      I’m a middle American and I sure as hell don’t think he supports me. All he cares about is money and himself. That’s it.
      .
      And I’m all for strong leaders, but he’s not a good example of such a thing. He would make us the laughingstock of the world. I shudder to think of how he’d handle foreign policy issues. There’s a vast difference between being strong and being a bully, and Trump is the latter.
      .
      Plus, I’d really rather prefer not to have someone in office who spews racist or sexist beliefs, thanks. It has nothing to do with being “PC” (aka the term people throw out to try and dismiss those who rightly call them out on their insulting comments), it has to do with being a decent, rational, mature human being.

      • George says:

        We’re already the laughingstock of the world.

        We just gave our enemies a bunch of money and said “Hey! Don’t build nukes and fire them at us!” in a new deal.

        And People are now relying on Russia to deal with the ISIS crisis.

        • Angela says:

          Not really, no. Our standing in the world improved once Obama took office, actually, because we had a president in office who didn’t go into foreign policy decisions with the kind of ignorance and cowboy-style attitude that the Bush administration did.
          .
          That’s not to say we’re perfect, no-our drone thing is kind of an issue, as is the idea of us possibly getting sucked into more wars when our country really cannot afford to get into more wars. But many leaders and many people elsewhere in the world respect Obama, and our country by extension, a hell of a lot more than they would Trump, or our country at large, if he were president.
          .
          As for the nukes deal, again, we can’t really afford to go to war over this stuff, and at some point we’ve got to find different ways to deal with this issue. Plus, considering our country has given weapons to shady countries in the past (and then acted TOTALLY surprised when they dared to use them! Like, who could’ve seen that coming?), considering some of the iffy and questionable leaders we’ve supported, and considering the fact that we have nuclear weapons, too (other countries could see us owning nukes as a threat just as much as we see them having nukes as a threat, after all), I don’t think we’re really in any position to get on some moral high horse here.

  31. GOD says:

    I love how truely upset liberals get when confronted with a different opinion. The temper tantrum is greater than tepling an entire room of four year olds that they aren’t allowed to eat cookies ever again.

    I seriously can not wait till this man amongst men rolls up to the whitehouse to be sworn into office.

    • George says:

      It’s sorta the mantra of anyone with an opinion in today’s edge. Liberals, Conservatives. Athiests, Christians. Feminists, People with Common Sense. Really it’s just a big pile on of people going “Well MY opinion is this! And you can’t tell me otherwise!”

    • Angela says:

      I’m sorry, which party full of politicians was it that recently threw a hissy fit over a debate because they got asked a lot of “gotcha” questions? I don’t recall it being the Democrats. They’re running for the highest office in the land and they can’t deal with a few silly, dumb questions from some debate moderators? Seriously?
      .
      And let’s not even get into the Republicans’ attitude about other things. Dare to suggest they can’t use their religion to hide behind when they discriminate against gay people? “My religion’s being attacked!” Jon Stewart would poke fun at Fox News on his show and various pundits on there have to spend part of their shows responding instead of just shrugging him off (like mature people would) and being like, “He’s a comedian, that’s what they do, why bother getting bent out of shape about it?”). And we’ve all seen how Trump reacts when anyone dares to challenge him or anything he says. He turns into a petulant four year old.
      .
      So yeah, the conservatives are just as guilty of acting like children when their views are challenged. Don’t even try and deny it.

  32. paul says:

    omg, I don’t get why ppl think D.Thrump is a racist when all hes saying is improve our policies on getting in our country so that ppl can’t come here illegally. He wants to improve a wall that already exist. yall forgot that the rest of the world lives different than us, so we need to all pull together and lets all be funny.

  33. harvey is a thief and enbezzeler and i am still alive to say and prove it donald he made you what you are through theft and blackmaling threats to those that were keeping me safe he even hurt murdered stole from people your just a fake and you are racist for realoh and your bi-sexual closet figure might get the gay communities extra votes so come out of the closet