Scream Queens Recap

Scream Queens Recap: Gashes to Ashes

What began as an innocent seance on Tuesday’s Scream Queens quickly degenerated into a tea party — and the ghost of Chanel No. 2 had some serious spilling to do.

Chanel was reluctant to contact Ariana Grande’s character from beyond the grave, what with her being a “dumb, dead whore” and all, but she eventually agreed to play Ouiji with Nos. 3, 5 and 6, leading to a series of shocking post-mortal revelations.

Revelation No. 1: Chad is cheating! OK, this was technically only a surprise to Chanel, as everyone else on the planet is either aware of Chad’s indiscretions… or has been a willing participant in them. Chanel’s worst fear was confirmed when she caught her man in bed with an actual goat, but Chad was quick to explain that he was merely relaxing said goat so she would produce lactose-free milk for his bod. (Yeah, he was totally banging that goat.)

Then came revelation No. 2: Chanel is the killer! Chanel accused No. 2 of lying to sully her already-tarnished name, but because she hasn’t quite mastered the art of B.S.-ing as well as Chad, the other girls remained unconvinced.

This led to the third and final revelation: Chanel’s minions are plotting a deadly mutiny! Unfortunately for the Chanels, not only did No. 2 warn No. 1 of their treachery, thus stopping their plan dead in its tracks, but even if they had gone through with it, they would have failed spectacularly. (Their scheme was to put rat poison in her Prunex; not only would she survive ingesting it, but it would also make her skinnier.)

Elsewhere this week…

ONE MISSED CLUE | If there was any doubt in your mind that Gigi is in bed with the Red Devil(s), I assume her candid phone chat — in which she literally referred to her group as “murderers, hell-bent on revenge” — set you straight. And I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that Wes isn’t suspicious about Gigi’s bizarro behavior; this is a guy who’s allowing his daughter to remain in a school where she’s literally being hunted down like an animal. He’s just… not smart.

AXE HUSBAND | Speaking of wackadoodles, let’s wrap up this recap with a discussion about Dean Munsch. When her cheating ex-husband turned up dead (and headless!) at his girlfriend’s apartment, she was thrown into a (very familiar-looking) insane asylum for reasons I couldn’t even begin to specify. After receiving a visit from junior detectives Pete and Grace, Dean Munsch put her own master plan — to frame her ex’s student-turned-lover for his murder — into action, and boy was it a success. (Spoiler alert: Munsch did it.)

Your thoughts on this week’s episode? Any new theories? Drop ’em all in a comment below.