Finding Carter Recap: Oh, Brother

From the moment it was revealed on Tuesday’s Finding Carter premiere that Ben has neither a Twitter nor an Instagram account, I knew he was trouble.

But let me back up: I don’t need a DNA test to know with absolute certainty that Ben is Lori’s son; watching him trick Carter into being his getaway driver at a backyard robbery — in broad freakin’ daylight, no less — proved he inherited his mother’s winning combination of manipulativeness and sheer irrationality. (I also don’t need a DNA test to know where he got dat jawline from.)

But because Carter is forgiving to a fault — heck, she’s all but forgotten that Crash shot Max last season — she brushed Ben’s blatant kleptomania under the rug and followed him to a bar with Bird. That’s where she met Jared, yet another in a long line of smoldering bad boys with whom she’s destined to make a few mistakes. In fact, she made her first mistake in the premiere: using a fake I.D. to apply for a serving job. (What is this, amateur hour?)

The worst part about Carter and Ben’s relationship, though, is that she won’t even be able to say no one warned her when he (inevitably) screws her over beyond forgiveness. Crash, who knows a thing or two about untrustworthy fellas, pegged Ben for a rotten apple right off the bat, and although Carter swears she still loves him, I don’t have a whole lot of faith in their future as a couple.

SUSPICIOUS MINDS | Just when it seemed like David and Elizabeth’s marriage was finally rock-solid again — mostly thanks to Kyle’s death, to be honest — along came Lori to screw everything up. Both Wilsons dropped by Chez Kidnapper during the premiere, but Elizabeth’s visit (“If you choose to stay in this town … I will make it my personal mission to make every moment of your life a living, breathing hell”) was considerably more hostile than David’s, which ended in him giving her an unsolicited check for $10,000. Naturally, Elizabeth witnessed the whole thing from her parked car (so trusting, that one) and did not seem to enjoy the view.

THE START OF SOMETHING NEW? | Speaking of rocky relationships, I can’t quite make sense of Taylor and Damon. There’s obviously a rivalry there, ever since he ousted her from the No. 1 spot at school, but does anyone else think their combative rapport could someday lead to… more? When the Season 2B trailer first came out, I assumed that Max would be worried about party boy Gabe developing feelings for Taylor, but now I’ve got my eye on Damon.

Your thoughts on the Finding Carter premiere? Grade the episode below, then drop ’em in a comment.