Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 3 Premiere

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Premiere Recap: Love and an Elevator

Longest. Elevator. Ride. Ever.

After a torturous wait to find out the identity of their new captain — amazing the way two minutes can feel like three months, no? — the cops of Brooklyn Nine-Nine finally meet Holt’s replacement in the Season 3 premiere: Seth Dozerman, played by Saturday Night Live vet Bill Hader.

Of course, it only takes 120 seconds for us to realize what showrunner Mike Schur meant when he said Capt. Dozerman’s arrival would be “far from the final surprise” in the premiere. After delivering quite the monologue about work ethic and efficiency, Dozerman collapses to the ground in what he presumes to be a heart attack. It isn’t, but he’s got a genetic heart condition that will shorten his life by about 40 years, and he isn’t going to let the precinct waste any precious time on the job. Much to Diaz’s chagrin, the new captain distributes “Dozerpads,” which will keep the team on task — and track their every movement, which isn’t creepy at all.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 3 PremiereBut Jake and Amy have more pressing matters to discuss. More specifically, they kissed, y’all! But Amy isn’t about to date a co-worker without laying some ground rules: 1) Don’t tell anyone. 2) No labeling their relationship. 3) No sex. (That last one only applies for about six hours, after which point Jake and Amy get really drunk on their awkward first date and sleep together. The best laid plans, right?) (Uh, pun not intended.)

At first, Jake and Amy’s decision to keep their romance secret goes swimmingly. Even Boyle, who is their ultimate relationship cheerleader, believes Jake’s lie that he’s merely dating a girl he met at the gym. That all falls apart, though, when Dozerman catches Jake and Amy making out in the evidence room, and the revelation prompts a heart attack — a real one this time. Which kills Dozerman. Less than 24 hours after he took the job. So… there’s that.

The new captain’s death forces Amy and Jake to reveal their relationship to the precinct, which earns them a scolding from Terry — pretty much Amy’s worst nightmare, being the perfectionist that she is. Amy confesses to Jake that she’d rather keep things simple and remain only co-workers… but that becomes the shortest breakup in history, as Amy shows up at Jake’s apartment that night and decides she’d rather be in an official relationship with him than lose him as a friend. (Yay!)

Other highlights of the season opener:

* In the NYPD’s public relations department, Capt. Holt can practically feel his brain cells dying as Wuntch forces him to help name the city’s new pigeon mascot, then wear the humiliating costume for a group of second graders. Holt is ready to throw in the towel and let Wuntch win their longtime game of chess, but Gina convinces him to keep his wings head held high.

* Speaking of Wuntch, she delivers another blow to the precinct in the form of their new new captain: Detective Pembroke aka The Vulture (Dean Winters), best remembered for taking over the team’s cases, stealing their thunder and generally being a tool. He’s in charge now, and I do believe Jake’s reaction says it all: “Nooooo!

OK, your turn. What did you think of Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s Season 3 premiere? Grade the episode via our poll below, then hit the comments to back up your choice!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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21 Comments
  1. Ed says:

    Gina’s dig at Fatone was goood!

  2. I waited months and months for the new captain, and he’s dead seriously????? And oh god not that jerk off again.

  3. Nicole says:

    Loved it except why couldn’t the second new captain be nick offerman?!?!?!

    Love amy and jake together! Great chemistry.

  4. ndixit says:

    Honestly, Jake and Amy are super adorkable. I really hope the relationship works out on the show because it has the potential to be quite funny and cute. I do think Wuntch is becoming a bit over the top but Braugher’s reactions to her is just so good that I really don’t care.

  5. James D says:

    Hilarious. seems a shame to waste Bill Hader but very glad for the little time he was on. Dean Winters is pretty awesome though so I look forward to the torture he will be inflicting on the gang. Jake and Amy where cute I can’t wait to watch them break up and get back together a dozen times (sarcasm intended:)) glad it’s back.

    • Patrick says:

      Jamy could have a lot of ups and downs, and be very entertaining, without getting on the constant roller coaster of breakups and get back togethers. Frankly, as much as I enjoy this show, I don’t see it going 7+ years. 5 or 6 seasons might be the top end. Maybe they shouldn’t tempt fate by having a lot of breakups in this relationship.

    • murley says:

      Shows that these creators are involved in tend to avoid the break up- make up pattern. Think about Pam and Jim, April and Andy, Leslie and Ben. Give them more credit. I am really looking forward to seeing how the Jake and Amy relationship plays out. So glad this show is back!

    • ndixit says:

      I hope they don’t break up because the show isn’t really the sort to work too well with angst, which would obviously be there if there is a break up. I think there is a lot of potential for humor in the two just being a couple. The two are such dorks in different ways that just them figuring out how to be in a relationship with each other would be hilarious. Plus, if the relationship lasts for a while, there is potential for humor in Jake meeting Amy’s family and her seven brothers(if I remember correctly) and vice versa. Anyways, it should be fun and I have faith in the writers. Dean Winters is a riot and I look forward to how the Vulture tortures Jake and the rest of the 99.

  6. MyFairLady says:

    Jake & Amy best part of the episode…great season opener.

  7. Jessie says:

    I kind of would have preferred Jake and Amy to remain friends for a while longer as she kind of alluded to that she is jumping in to the relationship because she can’t bear not having him as a friend but regardless, their chemistry is great. The naming of the pigeon was hilarious with Pepper O’Pigeon and Gina’s Name (LeShawn?) top contenders.

  8. A3rynSun76 says:

    I really was hoping it would be a couple episodes of famous comedians rotating at the captains position before Holt comes back. I hope this vulture thing doesn’t last for more than a couple episodes.

  9. murley says:

    I am expecting this episode to show up in quotes of the week! So many hilarious lines, like pretty much everything Boyle said. Also the line from Terry about his toddlers knowing ‘stupid’ was a no-no word was too funny.

  10. Joey Padron says:

    Season premiere was good. Bill did good in episode. Sucks his character only least for one episode. Not good The Vulture is their new boss!

  11. Matt Ceccato says:

    Light and Breezy? Not exactly. But it was a lot of fun. Sad we won’t see Bill Hader again. He was spot on in that role. But I would like to see the Nine-Nine work a case in the next episode…

  12. robandco says:

    Thank god the new captain is dead. He would have been just over the top and ridiculous. He was good while it lasted but they did a good job getting rid of him.
    Good premiere, Jamy (I am unaware if this is the official ship name) is just so cute.

  13. A says:

    After the new captain died i was hoping that new new captain would be Archie Panjabi’s character.

  14. Jazminna says:

    All episode I was thinking, “What’s missing? What’s missing?!” then I realised post hoc, no detective/police work story. For that reason I didn’t get the same joy I normally do (felt more like standard sitcom) but it was still really good. Hopefully the only one without crazy police stuff happening.