Unauthorized Full House Story

Did The Unauthorized Full House Story Have Mercy on Your Fond Memories?

As it turns out, Danny Tanner was an even bigger downer than you thought.

Or, at least, that’s what Lifetime’s Unauthorized Full House Story would have us believe. The two-hour movie, which debuted Saturday night on the cable channel, purported to relate the behind-the-scenes drama that went on as the ABC sitcom rose to popularity in the 1990s.

One recurring theme: Bob Saget really, really hated playing clean freak/overhugger dad Danny.

Aside from that, even according to a project intending to out the most salacious real-life OMG moments, there just wasn’t that much gossipy fodder.

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Among the telepic’s reveals and/or WTFull House moments:

* Dave Coulier became Uncle Joey as a sort of consolation prize after having — then losing — a slot as a Saturday Night Live cast member. Also, the Coulier mullet wig is on. point.

* Bob Saget was too edgy for a CBS morning show; when he was fired from that gig, he somehow managed to wiggle onto Full House despite the fact that the pilot had already been shot… with someone else playing Danny.

* The actresses playing the Olsen twins were, like, 5… right?

* Series creator Jeff Franklin revised his network pitch for House of Comics on the fly when ABC wasn’t enamored of his “hip” concept about three feckless stand-up comedians living together. After he added some kids, everyone was on board!

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* Candace Cameron was “only OK” in her audition, but she insisted on a second reading and got the part. (I guess wild gesticulating was the key?)

* At one point, Coulier and Saget joked that the show eventually would reveal that all three of the guys were gay… and John Stamos believed it for a hot minute.

* Was anyone else thrown by the fact that the set looked nothing like the Full House set?

* Stamos and Saget butted heads from the beginning, though more in a “annoying brother” way than in a “I’m going to try to get you fired” way. The guys’ bonding trip to the least populated casino in Las Vegas seemed to ease tensions.

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* Coulier liked to fart… a lot. His flatulence was even on display when the cast learned about the Season 2 renewal.

* Saget once got reprimanded for dancing around the set with a dressmaker’s dummy.

That’s supposed to be Paula Abdul? Really?

* You have not lived until you’ve heard Justin Gaston playing John Stamos playing Bob Dylan.

* The Olsen twins’ parents quickly realized their daughter’s popularity, much to the chagrin of the show’s cast and powers that be.

* Saget, Coulier and Stamos once got high on whipped cream cans during a live taping of the show.

* Everyone had a great time at Cameron’s wedding to NHL player Valeri Bure in 1996, but Jodie Sweetin’s great time — a harbinger of terrible things to come — conveniently didn’t make it into the film.

What parts of the movie had you saying “Huh?” Favorite moments? Most egregious scenes? Sound off in the comments!