UnReal Rachel Adam Sex Recap

UnREAL Recap: Great British Fake Off?

That thing we’ve known was going to happen between UnREAL‘s marvelous mess of a producer Rachel and its British bachelor Adam finally does in this week’s episode — and the reasons behind the long-simmering hookup are as multifaceted as the diamond in Quinn’s humungous engagement ring.

About that last part: That’s right — even though Chet is a walking, talking bag of NO with zero impulse control and a bum ticker, Quinn tearfully agrees to be the future ex-Mrs. Wilton. (Oh, you know that’s where that relationship was headed, even before the final few minutes of the hour.) But what do self-described “manipulative bitches” Rachel and Quinn have in mind for the upcoming final two episodes of the season? Let’s see if we can’t suss it out as we review “Two.”

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SPIN(OFF) CITY | Rachel lingers in Adam’s bed the morning after they slept (in the literal sense of the word) together; he’s rubbing her feet, they’re talking about embarrassing sex stories and it’s very sweet until he hints that he’d prefer her company to any of Everlasting‘s Barbie dolls. After a noncommittal smile, she skedaddles… and runs right into Jeremy, who wants to talk about their gear-truck hook-up. Too bad, Jer: Quinn beckons!

In the edit bay, the EP demands that the doom and gloom surrounding Mary’s death be done: They need romance, and they need to determine an eventual winner. Pretty much everyone agrees that Grace will best her competition, but Quinn stresses that they still need a good race. Rachel unconvincingly argues that Anna would be a great winner, because she’s smart and classy and Adam isn’t as shallow as he seems. “According to nobody but you,” Quinn snarks.

Just then, Chet’s pregnant wife Cynthia shows up, understandably irked about being dumped via phone the night before. She pours herself a drink, and when Chet protests, she scoffs, “At my age, 50/50 it’s a flipper baby, anyways.” GUYS. THIS SHOW! When she threatens to take him for everything he’s worth, Chet calmly offers another avenue: $50 million for her to end the marriage quietly, quickly and without the involvement of lawyers. She agrees. And later, when Chet and Quinn pitch a wedding-related spinoff to Brad the Network Executive via video call — and he approves, as long as Grace is the Everlasting winner (“She’ll bring in the Telemundo crowd.”) and there’s a two-hour wedding special — everything looks hunky dory.

That is, until Quinn and Chet discuss the idea with the potential newlyweds. Grace is all in (to no one’s shock), but Adam refuses: He signed on for one year, and that’s that. “Go find yourself another patsy,” he angrily tells Chet.

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RACH ON THE CASE | Chet is many slovenly things, but stupid is not one of them. So he enlists “Limey whisperer” Rachel to change Adam’s mind, dangling an executive-producer-ship of the spinoff as an enticement. (Side note: I have issues with the spinoff’s title: Royal Love. First, if you’re going to go that route, the Fug Girls already one-upped you with the title of their fantastic latest novel, The Royal We. Second, ADAM IS NOT ROYALTY. It is possible to be British and not be of royal descent. So the title is incredibly inaccurate — though not, upon closer consideration, any less accurate than Everlasting. Carry on.)

UnReal Rachel Adam Sex RecapRachel demurs for all of three seconds before she launches into Operation: Choose Anna. This manifests as “romantic” spa dates that turn into debacles. Shamiqua lectures Adam on inappropriately touching her tush during a massage. Faith’s sensual mud session turns into a giggle-filled filth fight. And Grace wigs out as spa attendants pour “cedar enzyme bath” (read: dirt) on her, because “Where I come from, being buried alive is no joke” (?), which leaves Anna’s tantra session as the date to beat… until Adam realizes that she’s gunning to replace Grace in the spinoff, and he stalks off in disgust.

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CHANGE OF HEART | When Rachel won’t let up with the hard sell, Adam realizes she’s got a horse in this race and gets her to admit that she wants to be the Royal Love showrunner. But his refusal throws her to the point that she needs a life-threatening hot rod ride (not a euphemism) with Chet and a verbal slap from Quinn to remind her how to get what she wants.

Rach’s new plan: Adam picks and proposes to Anna, they spend a year dating and appearing on a show called Royal Renovations — in which his vineyard is completely refurbished — and then they break up when the season is done and he gets to keep his beloved wine property without the Everlasting taint, er, brand plastered all over it.

And just like that, Adam is in. He ditches Shamiqua at that episode’s ceremony — which means Jay is done as a producer for the season, too — and has a steamy kiss with Anna while Grace fumes in the background.

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LIP SERVICE | Quinn watches the whole thing from the edit bay in a cloud of joy; earlier in the ep, Chet proposes to her via a romantic on-set dinner and, despite the fact that his proposal involves the phrase “It’s your turn now,” she agrees. But that gigantic diamond ring clearly doesn’t come with a guarantee, because at the end of the hour, she finds him receiving a BJ from her PA (Pippa!) in a storage room. But Chet doesn’t see Quinn, who stashes the ring in her safe (while retrieving a flash drive — this is the first we’ve seen of it, yes?) and then rushes to tell him that she wants to be married as soon as his divorce papers clear. What are you planning, Quinn my queen?

In other news we all saw coming a mile away, Jeremy broke it off with Lizzie because she is so one-dimensional and boring he’s got a thing for Rachel. But when Jeremy shares that news with Rach, her reaction can best be described as inscrutable. And when Jeremy knocks on her equipment-truck door later that evening for a little celebratory nookie… Rachel is in Adam’s bed, sans clothing this time, saying “Cheerio” to his Little Britain.

Yes, she needs him to be all in (pun intended) for her to have her “dream” of executive-producing her own show. Yes, he is probably using her to get his winery back. And yes, he once pounded a cougar while Mr. Cougar watched. But even with all of these factors, Adam seems like a far more interesting (and well-matched) partner for our Rachel than Señor CargoShorts. So why do I have the niggling fear that he is completely playing Rachel? Am I crazy for thinking so?

Now it’s your turn. What did you think of the episode? Sound off in the comments!  

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Hayes says:

    Hasn’t it been established a long, long time ago that Adam is a part of the royal family?

    • In the first episode, Rachel tells her girls that he’s the heir to the Cromwell hotel fortune — very rich, but not royalty. (Though if I missed a royal connection somewhere along the way, you guys please let me know!) — KR

      • Diana says:

        You’re right that they’ve never officially established Adam as anything more than a hotel heir, but this isn’t the first time they’ve made allusions to Adam being connected to royalty. There have been at least half a dozen throw away lines about it over the course of the season, but have offered no explanation for them. It’s quite puzzling.

      • He’s an Earl. It was mentioned on the show, but also appears on Lifetime’s character page for him.

  2. tallsy says:

    I say that it’s more likely she’s playing him than the other way around. I was still glad it finally happened!!

    • Chris says:

      I don’t think that Adam and Rachel are playing each other! Quinn was the one who set up the camera in Adam’s room, because in the preview clip for next week’s episode, Quinn plays the tape and uses as blackmail against Adam and Rachel!

      • c says:

        The camera has been there since the first episode, adam unsuccessfully tried to cover it and Rachel, later in that episode spots grace servicing Adam.

        • Chris says:

          Rachel probably forgot the camera was there, and Quinn uses that footage of Rachel and Adam having sex to blackmail Adam to pick the winner of “Everlasting” (according to the previews for the next episode)!

          • Rook says:

            Rachel forgot the camera was there….? Mmmmmm does that sound like the Rachel we know because I don’t think so.

    • schu says:

      I agree! I’d say she’s playing him like a fiddle! I’m sure she new her hookup with him with be caught on camera, just another way to get what she wants in the end. Shiri plays this character so well though I might add, I still root for her even though she is a absolutely horrible, horrible person.

  3. sillyemmy says:

    Nice name drop of the Fug Girls!!

  4. Rachel says:

    I keep thinking Rachel knew the camera was there or planted it to seal the deal with Adam doing the spin-off show. Oh and Chet is just so gross.

    • Chris says:

      Quinn was the one who planted the camera in Adam’s room while he was having sex with Rachel, because the previews for next week’s episode has Quinn playing the video of Adam and Rachel having sex, and using it as blackmail against Adam to pick the winner of “Everlasting”. Adam had already agreed to do the spinoff show with Rachel before they had sex together.

      • Rachel says:

        If Adam already agreed then why would Quinn have to blackmail him? I think Rachel is in on the blackmail.

    • c says:

      I’m pretty sure that camera angle is similar to the one in the first episode that catches grace blowing Adam, Rachel had knowledge of the camera, but obviously was too into the moment to remember.

  5. A says:

    I am so rooting for Adam and Rachel to be together they are evenly matched and strangely good for each other in the long run also I find Jeremy boring.

  6. Charissa29 says:

    I love Rachel “hot mess” producer and Adam “spank me like my nanny used to” soo much. They are terrible, delicious people. It is possible my moral compass needs re-calibration, but I don’t think those two are just using each other. There has been actual affection developing and their on-screen chemistry is great. But for Rachel to have at it with him in his room is unspeakably stupid. She deserves to be blackmailed by Quinn for that!
    Quinn, is terrifying! Godzilla let loose on Tokyo while the army is having a tea break terrifying! Cranky, heartbroken Quinn doubly so! Next weeks episode should be a doozy!

    • JPinks says:

      Well said. I fear Adam may believe Rachel was in on the deception having seduced him intentionally and their love affair may be kaput. :(

  7. CourtTV says:

    Rachel set Adam up. She did whatever she could to get the royal wedding show, not the renovation show she was using to manipulate him. That show wasn’t approved by the network.

  8. Meg says:

    Adam and Rachel are great together… I’ve been waiting for them to hook up! I don’t think Rachel planted the camera… all the rooms have cameras in them and it looks like he tried to cover it. If she was the one who tried to cover it and wanted to “accidentally” miss a spot, what are the chances of a perfect landing? I think Quinn just got lucky… that’s just my opinion. To me, it seems like Adam is over girls who throw themselves at him and wants someone he can take seriously. They NEED to bring him back for season 2! I am so excited to see how this unfolds.

    Amazing recap!

  9. I think Rachel and Quinn are playing Adam. Rachel knew the camera was in the room as it has been in there since day 1. Remember Adam tried to cover the camera (unsuccessfully). I think Rachel realized what she had to do to get Adam to agree to the spin-off. She is TOTALLY manipulating him. I know it looks like it was only Quinn by the preview but I’d bet you $$$ that Rachel was in on this as well. We shall see….

    • Chris says:

      Adam had already agreed to do the spinoff show with Rachel before they had sex!

      • toni says:

        But Rachel knew that the network would never go for her idea. She needs Adam married. She set this up with Quinn.

        She likes Adam, its obvious they have a connection but Rachel is manipulative and this was more than just sex.

    • Madriel says:

      The argument that Rachel set Adam up based on the camera suffers from the fact that Adam also knows its there. What’s more HE puts sex on the table. I think Rachel accepts because she does want him and to seal the deal between them, and maybe to say “if this works out, we h\can have this next season too, when I’m show runner.” But I don’t think she was setting him up with Quinn at that moment.

  10. Sigma60 says:

    I don’t understand why the filming of Rachel and Adam would be such great blackmail material against Adam. News of nookie between contestant and producer would undermine the show more than hurt him. Chet, Quinn, and Rachel have MUCH more to lose by pulling the pin on that hand grenade.

  11. Marissa says:

    Actually, if you go back and look at the episode 9 preview, you can see that whatever was blocking the camera fell/moved… I am not sure how that could have been staged.

  12. Rachel and Adam are definitely using each other and I’m fine with that. I believe they have real feelings for each other too but it’s not gonna be an easy road for us Rachel/Adam shippers.

  13. Grace says:

    Love this show so damn much! I’ve been waiting for this hook up since Rachel came into Adam’s room and showered right in front of him. They definitely have chemistry. That being said, there is no way Rachel “forgot” about the camera in the room. She’s way too savvy for that, and I think the show is smarter than that. I think she wanted Adam, but I think she also saw an opportunity. But beneath all the manipulations, I do think Rachel and Adam are far more suited to each other than her sweet but kind of bland ex, Jeremy. He’s nice to look at but just not operating on the same level that Rachel is.

  14. Television says:

    I don’t understand why ANYONE would want Chet in any way shape or form. That guy is hideous blob of goo.

  15. EM says:

    Thanks for filling in the blanks. My DVR cut off the last minute when all the good stuff happens! I think Rachel and Adam have feelings for each other but they are using each other too.

  16. Heidi says:

    At the risk of sounding naïve, following all that build up, was anyone else disappointed that the final scene cut straight to them grinding? Especially when they’d spent some time layering in an emotional connection beforehand? I’d like to have seen what transpired between her standing in the doorway and that moment. The cuddle scene in his bed in episode 7 was hotter than the sex scene (for me, anyway) because it had an emotional component.

    • cordelia says:

      yes, i would have wanted to see them getting closer rather than just the ‘act’. i guess it might have ended on the cutting floor

    • Risquee says:

      I agree 100% I wanted their first time having sex to be full of passion and lust that has been going on between them

    • Dee says:

      I was disappointed. However, I did feel like their sex scene felt far more intimate than the one she had with Jeremy. Maybe I’m being naive.

    • Beth says:

      I was really disappointed too! I feel like their connection means more and should mean more to them than just sex. I wanted to see the kissing and romance once they finally got together. This made it seem like in the end they were just like everyone else to each other ( they both use people for sex). Someone totally needs to write fanfiction for this show :)

  17. Sabrina says:

    Great episode. I can’t wait to see waht happens next week.

  18. Gita says:

    I agree that something is amiss. This show rarely reveals all its cards, so I wonder if the tape Quinn threatens to release is actually one of Adam banging the investor’s wife while hubby and Chet watched.

  19. robandco says:

    The preview was so dramatic!! It suggests Rachel is in with Quinn because they were both on the same couch looking at Adam at the end. I hope not but I also hope yes because this is insane and I love it.