“Love is a lot like farming,” mused Chris Soules on Monday’s Bachelor season premiere, a metaphor that can also be applied to the episode itself, which was basically a three-hour parade of clucking, weeding and — at one lady’s polite behest — plowing.
Soules may have bestowed his “first impression” rose upon 27-year-old waitress Britt — of course he’d pick the normal girl, right? — but we at TVLine have curated a list of ladies who made pretty strong first impressions on us. Let’s begin:
* Amanda, the 24-year-old ballet instructor with eyes that can pierce into your very soul — and not in a sexy way. More like an “I’m going to drag your stuffed corpse down the aisle” kind of way.
* Reegen, the 28-year-old cadaver tissue saleswoman who gifted Soules with a “fake” heart in a cooler. (She knows this isn’t One Tree Hill, right?)
* Tandra, the 30-year-old who entered on a motorcycle like she’s freakin’ Jo from The Facts of Life.
* Mackenzie, the 21-year-old dental assistant with a son named Kale. She didn’t actually do anything noteworthy this week; I just thought it was really important to stress that she named her son after a trendy vegetable (not to mention Kale’s younger siblings, Brussels and Sprout).
* Alissa, the 24-year-old flight attendant with the terrible pick-up lines. “Smoking is not permitted on this aircraft,” she joked. “Unless you’re smoking hot. Hi, Chris!” Bye,
* And last — but certainly not least — Tara, who was so drunk that she admitted she “almost fell” during the rose ceremony. Bless her heart.
While not all of our favorite crazies made it into Soules’ top tier, a generous handful managed to sneak their way in. Here’s the full rundown of his picks:
(You can take a closer look at all of tonight’s women in our handy gallery.)
Tell us, dear TVLine readers: Which of Soules’ ladies would you have given a rose to, and which of his picks were straight-up mistakes? Drop a comment with your take on tonight’s premiere below.