Last Week Tonight's John Oliver Offers Brilliant New Year's Eve Survival Tips

John Oliver has a few thoughts about New Year’s Eve that just might save your life — or, at the very least, spare you from the most uncomfortable night of the year.

Likening the holiday to the death of a pet — “You know it’s going to happen,” he says, “but somehow you’re never prepared for how truly awful it is” — the Last Week Tonight host offers up several easy excuses to avoid awkward holiday parties, our favorite being “I’m on a cleanse.” (Because, honestly, no one will ask for further explanation.)

In fact, the only scenario Oliver doesn’t have a solution for is an invitation to a girls night because, frankly, he’s never been invited to one. “I’m such a Samantha, he explains. “Women are intimidated by my energy.”

“If you do this right,” he promises, “you will be in bed on New Year’s Eve by 11:45 after watching all five Die Hard movies.”

Hit PLAY on the video above, then drop a comment below: How are you surviving New Year’s Eve this week? And do you agree that Boondock Saints is a terrible movie?