The best moments in Nashville always happen when Juliette lets her inner trailer park out to play. And this week, when she drops a huge reveal on Avery, it’s double-wide city, all the way.
I’m not saying that texting your ex, “I’m pregnant. It’s yours” isn’t the classiest way to drop some life-changing news… no, actually, I am saying that. Only Juliette “pink macaroni” Barnes would dither for weeks about whether or not to tell her baby daddy about their forthcoming spawn, then do it out of spite in that manner. I’m shocked she didn’t use emoji.
Elsewhere, Deacon finds out that Will prefers dudes (!), Zoey sees an opportunity and takes it, Gunnar finds out he’s a dad, too (!!), and Rayna goes bowling. Give your Stetson a big ol’ Luke Wheeler tip, and let’s launch into what happened in “Road Happy.”
OMG! | Juliette is just pregnant enough that her tour costumes are getting too tight, yet too pregnant to give a damn about doing anything other than laying on her couch. Sounds about right. When Emily once more reminds her boss that Avery has a right to know about his child, Juliette peevishly grabs her phone and texts her ex the news. Just like that! When I saw last week’s preview, I assumed that perhaps Emily or Glenn got a hold of Ju’s phone and did the deed as a way to force Juliette’s hand, but… nope. Maybe Juliette wanted the potential out of following up her missive with, “JK! LOL”?
Avery gets the message while performing his court-mandated community service on the side of a highway, and by the time he can reply, Juliette won’t return his calls. So he shows up on the set of her movie (side note: how’d he get all the way to her trailer?) and, when she won’t let him in, shouts about the pregnancy for everyone (OK, just Noah West) to hear.
I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to mention that Glenn’s hair is DEFINITELY BACK, guys. Oh Glenn, bald is beautiful, and that toupee is too much. #Bringbackthedome! Ju’s manager reprises his disappointed dad act from last week and gives Avery a stern dressing down. “Juliette was raised in chaos,” he warns. “There’s no way I’m gonna let the same thing happen to her child.” Aww. Inside the trailer, Juliette looks on in horror.
BACK IT UP! | She’s got a similar look on her face a while later, as the production preps to film its first sex scene. Noah takes the initiative and tells the director how to frame the shot (okaaaaaay?) so that Ju’s baby bump won’t be noticeable. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me,” Noah whispers when Ju climbs on top of him. I expect her to flip out, maybe just a little, but she seems touched. Because, hormones?
Noah shows up at Juliette’s tour dressing room soon after and makes it clear that he’s interested in her. Zoey — who accidentally learns about Ju’s kiddo — is starstruck, but meeting Noah is hardly the best thing that’s going to happen to her that night: When Juliette has trouble breathing and staggers off stage during the show, Zoey steps up and slips right into the last verse of “Tell That Devil” as if her pants were made of butter. (Don’t worry; right before she passes out in Noah’s arms, Juliette makes a mental reminder to cut a bitch as soon as she’s feeling up to snuff.)
CRUISING FOR A BRUISING | At Jeff’s snide urging, Will asks his trainer to sign a nondisclosure agreement, which leads to an ugly moment where the meathead wants Will to admit that they’re seeing each other… and Will will only concede that their tryst is only about sex. Mr. Lexington then heads out to a nearby park, where he looks for lovin’ but finds a couple of gay bashers who beat him senseless, steal his wallet and step on his butt on their way out. (Side note: Anyone else notice that weird little exit?)
Deacon happens to be around when Will returns to the hotel and, with a little intel from the cabbie who drove the younger man back, pieces together that Mr. Lexington is gay. Will doesn’t exactly confirm anything, and Deacon seems a little awkward about the whole thing, but he assures Will that he’s there if he wants to talk.
Back in Nashville, Layla wants Jeff to take her album more seriously and possibly even let her write a few songs for it. He wants her to shut up and sing the songs put in front of her. And while I hope that Layla will run home to pen a ditty called “Smirky Turtle Go to Shell,” she instead cries, peruses the pills in her vanity and breaks a mirror.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY | The most important things to know about Gunnar’s storyline this week are 1) his ex, Kiley, has a 9.5-year-old son who is totally Gunny’s kid, and 2) steak fries and applesauce is a thing I need to try ASAP. (Side note: No, seriously, Internet, is this an established food combo? Is it good? Report in the comments.)
Getting back to the first point, it’s sweet when Gunnar begs Kiley to tell him the truth about her son: Without his grandmother and Jason, he tearfully reasons, he doesn’t have any family left. But I wonder how he didn’t notice his ex having a complete, nervous stroke every time the boy was even tangentially brought up. Get a poker face, sister! Also worth mentioning: Avery and Gunnar’s make-up chat about what’s best for kids was pretty touching.
GUTTERBALL | Hoping to maximize family togetherness, Rayna and Luke bring their kids to a commercial shoot, but it goes south fast. Even Daphne — agreeable-to-everything Daphne! — tells the First Lady of Country Music that she sucks. When all of the hurt feelings and suspicions of parental inadequacy are addressed, the entire gang goes bowling.
Still, the next night on tour, Rayna is rocked to learn that Teddy let Daphne pierce her ears and Maddie highlight her hair. Sadie listens supportively as Rayna tears up over missing big parts of her daughters’ lives, and when a stagehand comes to bring Ray to the stage, Sadie wonders whether Rayna wants to take a minute. But the redhead presses a few fingers to her eyes, takes a deep breath and pulls herself together LIKE A BOSS.
Now it’s your turn. Are you wondering whether Scarlett will give that guy outside her window a songwriting credit? Are you looking forward to the day that Avery and Juliette get in the same room and talk about what’s going down between them? Is Pam still irking you beyond all belief? And things aren’t going to end well for Zoey, are they? Sound off in the comments!