After three seasons of sudsy buildup, the highly anticipated reunion of “Emily Thorne” and David Clarke went down pretty much exactly how longtime Revenge fans expected it would: with gunfire.
In all fairness, Emily didn’t know it was her father who broke into her house on Sunday’s episode, and David didn’t know he was standing creepily (read: so creepily!) over his sleeping daughter’s body. All he knew was that this “Emily” chick was standing in the way of his happily-ever-after with Victoria, and that meant she had to be taken care of.
Fortunately, Nolan “Quickdraw” Ross was able to scare David off with a warning shot — it technically a miss, but it was still totally badass, so I’ll let it slide — saving Emily’s life for the millionth time. That guy needs a vacation (or just new friends).
Elsewhere this week:
LIES MY MOTHER TOLD… EVERYONE | L’s and G’s, the Twitter rumors are true: Victoria was spotted in Manhattan this week, attempting to reconnect with the two estranged train wrecks she calls children. Charlotte proved significantly more receptive than Daniel, inviting her mother into her hotel room for a big-ass cup of honest-tea. But Charlotte’s stories — “Emily is Amanda” and “I set the fire” — proved far less titillating than Victoria’s: “Your real father is alive and we’re all going to hide like Hobbits together.”
That’s when things
started getting got even more warped: Victoria credited Charlotte with taking down Conrad and exonerating David, a fact she neglected to share with Emily during her trip out to the cabin. In fact, Victoria was too busy pointing a shotgun at Emily, Fuzzy Lumpkins-style, to say much of anything to her arch nemesis. And can we talk about how Emily and Victoria’s relationship has progressed to the point where a shotgun standoff in the woods is now, like, brunch-level casual? These. Women.
Of course, Victoria’s final shot of the night wasn’t fired from the barrel of a gun. Unbeknownst to Daniel, she paid Margaux a visit to relay just how badly the Graysons’ financial situation has become in the wake of Conrad’s, well, wake. And poor Margie fell for the sob story — hook, line and
weird haircut sinker.
PLAN B | While Victoria and Charlotte attempted to get their lives back together — good luck with that, ladies — Daniel’s entire existence pretty much nosedived right into the potty. Not only was he kicked out of his hotel for having no more dollars, but rumor has it no one in town is willing to hire him. Margaux offered to lend her services, but do we think she really cares about him? (That’s not a rhetorical question, by the way. I was born with the unfortunate inability to read French emotions.)
GEEZ, LOUISE | Speaking of Daniel… Victoria’s old asylum buddy Louise “bumped into” her in Manhattan, but when Mama Grayson gave her the cold shoulder, she set her sights on a far more impressionable member of the family: Li’l Daniel. (Obvious spoiler alert: This partnership won’t end well.)
JACK DON’T KNOW JACK | Jack spent the first part of the hour sifting through the wreckage of his bar/life, and it took literally no time for him to discover that Charlotte set the fire. (Color me shocked that everyone cracked that criminal mastermind’s multi-layered plan.) Jack’s not really sure what he wants to do next with his life, but you can bet his future doesn’t include rebuilding the Stowaway. Exchanging long, romantic glances with Emily, however? Don’t worry, there’ll still be plenty of that.
TO PERV AND PROTECT | Don’t expect Officer Ben to get promoted to detective anytime soon, because that dude can not take a hint. Jack’s hot-yet-somehow-still-undesirable cop buddy bumped into Emily, following her little shotgun-standoff with Vicky, and attempted to flip a routine examination into a romantic rendezvous. I mean, do we think he really cares how her car works? If he just wants to check under her hood, he doesn’t have to resort to euphemisms.
Revenge fans, are you pumped for Emily and David’s actual (conscious) reunion next week? Do you think she should give Ben a chance? And Daniel… ugh, am I right? Drop a comment with your thoughts and theories below.