Quotes of the Week from NCIS, Scandal, Big Bang, Late Night, Mindy and More!

October is only a few days away — but fret not, we’ve resisted the urge to add pumpkin flavoring to TVLine’s Quotes of the Week.

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Indeed, all you’ll get is pure, distilled hilarity via quips, retorts and one-liners from the last seven days of television.

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This time around we’ve got double doses of Scandal and The Mindy Project, a MacGyver moment on NCIS, a rapper’s delight on Sleepy Hollow, a parting shot on Under the Dome and some definitely not homophobic banter on Key & Peele.

So click through the gallery below for the full roster of quotes, then hit the comments and share any great one-liners we inevitably missed.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Shar says:

    … and the Emmy goes to Bellamy Young, Even if she says or does nothing for the rest of the season.. laughed out loud at the 1976 thing and cried a little as she laid down on her son’s grave.

    Was Tony Goldwyn pinching his lips so he wouldn’t laugh out loud too??

  2. July Lark says:

    The funniest line of the week goes to Outlander, as Angus hands a knife to Claire and she says “it’s too long and heavy for me” and he responds “that’s what lassies say to me all the time” and she gives him back a look that could kill.

    • Alichat says:

      Rupert…..it was Rupert who said that line. Very funny quip made 100x better by Claire’s expression. On a side note, I was just happy to see Claire have an expression on her face other than ‘disgust’ or ‘I-can’t-believe-that-jerk-ran-over-my-dog’.

  3. Melinda says:

    Should have included “When you see her you will tell me”. She called him out.

    • wordsmith says:

      That one was more about the delivery and the effect of the whole long speech. It’s less impressive in the limited context of a compilation of quips. but you’re right, it was good.

      If we’re going for quippy, I loved Jake’s my turn/your turn speech in bed. It was clever and sexy and all the other things I like about the show.

      • wordsmith says:

        And if we’re going for nonverbal “dialogue,” my favorite bit in the episode was Olivia buying and then breaking that phone to get Huck to talk to her. Fantastic comic timing in the back-and-forth.

      • Mike R. says:

        What made that whole exchange great, was Mellie wasn’t buying anything he said, she knows he will eventually see her, to be fair Mellie was by far the best part of the premiere.

  4. Diane says:

    Bellamy Young’s 1976 comment was the best I can’t still wrap my head around how Tony Goldwyn did not laugh in that scene

  5. Babygate says:

    Shay was talking to Peter, not Severide.

  6. Angela says:

    I loved that “Benjamins” exchange on “Sleepy Hollow” :D. Ichabod’s annoyance with the guy was a great running joke.

  7. Carly says:

    Just on the Person of interest quote, I believe its eject (as in pop out at high velocity), not inject

  8. Stormy says:

    Re: Under The Dome
    “dispatching with” is grammatically incorrect. The “with” is superfluous.