Quotes of the Week: Best Zingers From Blacklist, S.H.I.E.L.D., Amy Schumer, Elementary and More

Warning: Your are at risk of falling short of your weekly TV quota.

The good news is, you can get yourself back on track by reading Quotes of the Week – a collection of the best retorts, one-liners and bon mots from the last seven days!

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This time around, we’ve got a Doctor Who reference on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., birth-control intel on The Mindy Project and Modern Family, a royal insult on Inside Amy Schumer, a double dose of About a Boy and much more.

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So click through the gallery below for our latest batch of honorees, then hit the comments to weigh in on your faves — and add anything we’ve inevitably missed!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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49 Comments
    • Alex says:

      Because it sucks!

    • Jab says:

      Great exchange with Will & Margot Verger. When she corrects him as to her brother being the sole heir of her family’s meat packing empire:
      Will- Wrong parts?
      Margot- Wrong parts. The wrong proclivity for parts.

  1. Evan says:

    What about Felicity on Arrow : “Anyone feel like dumplings after fisticuffs?”

    • Danyelle says:

      As a Felicity superfan, pains me to say but all her lines this week, that one included, seemed “forced.” Besides this site mentions our girl plenty enough.

      • wordsmith says:

        Have to agree. Felicity has been included on this list more times than she’s been missing from it. Better to hold off this week and wait for something truly memorable.

      • Deena says:

        Except when she asked Oliver if he could even get into leather pants with his knee injury. Loved that.

  2. Max says:

    You must not watch Surviving Jack…

  3. guest says:

    Hilarious line from Inside Amy Schumer

  4. TVPeong says:

    Loved that Lanie quote on Castle

  5. Babybop says:

    The pregnancy line from Mindy was my favorite!

    • JM says:

      Mine too!

      • S. says:

        So many quotable lines usually, but thudded at the “I’m not a guy. I’m a man.” from Tim Daly’s character. I also enjoyed the “A-bro-ham” wordplay from Peter to Jeremy. Didn’t see that bro reference coming. Then the almost miss-able exchange where Tim’s character thinks he recognizes Beverly under another name and she suspiciously declares that actually she’s “Beverly something…” Prompting Betsy to go: “What IS your last name?” Indeed. Beth Grant is a national treasure. Fact.

  6. Rich Abey says:

    Lanie was hilarious as ‘foxy 70’s Lanie’ in fending off Harold’s advances…but not so strict when it comes to telling off Espo as he was literally drooling at her for like the entire episode! (why won’t those two crazy kids get together long-term already?) Oh boy…Lanie looked sizzling hot, and why aren’t the Castle writers using her more every week? Perlmutter is easily becoming the more interesting medical examiner what with his crazy witty quips & downgrading of Castle while examining bodies. So why not use Lanie more outside of the morgue & crime scene..this episode was an example of how good more of Lanie can be (if they can give more screen time to Tory why not Lanie?!)

  7. Seriously, who hates pancakes?

  8. webly3 says:

    Felix-Alison had a hilarious conservation on last night’s episode of Orphan Black. That was better than Cosima’s (which was also funny).

    • wordsmith says:

      I thought Felix’s (possibly ad-libbed) line where he refuses to shake the play director’s hand was the overall winner of the episode.

    • Alichat says:

      Yes…every conversation between Felix and Alison should have been on the list, but most importantly the lines “No, no, no darling no…well I mean, not really…you know, just like hardly” when Alison says she killed Aynsley, and later his reply “Aynsley wore a scarf in the kitchen!”

  9. Luli says:

    what did Cosima mean with gotta love a concealer??

    • DarkDefender says:

      She was implying that Sarah only passed as her because she used make up to look like her– which is ironic cause they are the same person (and clones of each other).

    • Tenney says:

      Actually I thought the concealer line said by Cosima to Rachel was referencing the a** beating Rachel got from Sarah. The concealer was covering the bruises Rachel received during the a** kicking at the hand of Sarah.

  10. Reblogged this on BKNOVELIST and commented:
    BLACKLIST, BLACKLIST!!!!!

  11. Brian says:

    There was a line on “Fargo” spoken by Billy Bob Thornton about a severed foot…. It was by FAR the best quote of the week, but I can’t remember it verbatim…

  12. CBWBDK1 says:

    About a boy is hilarious!!

  13. Patrick Maloney says:

    Can Simmons please appear in one Marvel movie, at least?

    • wordsmith says:

      Her skillset seems perfectly suited for an Ant-Man appearance, though she may or may not fit with the tone they are trying to create for the film.

  14. wordsmith says:

    It requires a bit too much setup to include here, but I loved the Modern Family bit where they spent all that time setting Claire up for the perfect “A dingo took my baby!” punchline, and then blatantly didn’t use it. Having Alex interject “seems like a missed opportunity” afterwards was a MILLION times better.

  15. wordsmith says:

    Also, I know Hart of Dixie doesn’t usually get much love on this list, but Wanda’s flawless delivery of the line “Ew…” in response to LaVon’s unintentionally graphic metaphor about Tom’s “spotlight” was so hilarious that I re-watched it four or five times, and it only got funnier each time.

  16. omar says:

    My favorites are: SHIELD, Grey’s Anatomy and awkward.

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  18. wordsmith says:

    On the subject of SHIELD, how adorable was it that Fitz’s answer to the same question – with barely any hesitation – was simply “Simmons.”
    I’m not a hardcore ‘shipper like some, but that definitely gave me a case of the warm fuzzies.

  19. John NYC says:

    It wasn’t precisely a “line” but the noise Espo made as he slid off the hood of the car and hit the asphalt was a keeper.

    • wordsmith says:

      Totally. The gag was completely unnecessary, but it was probably the best part of the whole awesome episode.

  20. Nicole says:

    I am going to take a guess and say that the people who are in charge of this list do not/have not watched Surviving Jack yet.

    The show is so funny! So many great one liners!!

  21. Alana says:

    the Grey’s quote was from Meredith to April, I think. great collection!

  22. Leeann... :) says:

    I, sure as gold, thought that the ending of Peter’s phone call with the Senator would have made this list with Eli’s, “I’m not worthy,” as he got down to bow in front of Peter. That whole scene was priceless in that Peter just kept going on and on to get what he wanted to hear out of the Senator [that the NSA was in fact bugging Alicia].

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