Orphan Black Season 2 Premiere Recap: Fishy Business -- Plus: Grade the Episode!

Orphan Black Season 2 RecapIf you have yet to watch Saturday’s premiere of Orphan Black, avert your eyes now. Everyone else, read on…

Orphan Black‘s clone count is not down by one after all.

On Saturday’s Season 2 premiere, Helena — who last we saw had been shot by Sarah — made a last-ditch effort to save herself from death.

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Elsewhere, Sarah faced off with the mysterious Rachel, Alison performed in a musical sure to not win her any Tony Awards and the Prolethean threat stepped up its game. Let’s review the action, clone by clone:

SARAH | Picking up from last year’s cliffhanger, Sarah is on the run and searching for her daughter. She ends up at a diner, where we’re introduced to two Prolethean fanatics on the hunt for her, both of whom speak in heavily-laden science vs. religion dialogue. “Are your eggs the domesticated type?” one asks the diner owner. When he answers that they’re normal eggs, the other man replies, “Your chickens have been interfered with.”

Sarah manages to escape by kicking her way through the bathroom wall(!), but that doesn’t take care of her other problem. She still needs a way to get to Rachel, whom she believes has Kira. There’s a big event at the Dyad Institute, so she attends dressed up as Cosima and gets rid of Rachel’s “bodyguard” Daniel by siccing him on Alison. (The sight of Alison fighting off Daniel’s men with pepper spray and a rape whistle: brilliance.) Unfortunately, the plan was all for nothing as Rachel doesn’t have the little girl. “There are other forces vying for our fate, Sarah. We’ll get Kira back together,” Rachel tells her. Eh, doesn’t stop the grifter from knocking out the proclone. She punches Paul, too — “In the face?” “Sorry.” — but he lets her go and says he’ll make up some story.

With nowhere left to turn, Sarah shows up at Art’s apartment, ready to spill the truth.

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Orphan Black Season 2 Premiere RecapALISON | Where to even begin, aside from the fact that Alison is my favorite nutjob? For starters, she’s trying to turn her life around by leaving behind her vices. “I’m not drinking anymore. No more … little helpers,” she tells Felix. “I’m doing a musical.” His horrified response: “Oh my God, not Cats.” No, Felix, it’s much worse. Alison is performing in some bizarre, on-the-nose local theater musical production about — wait for it — cleaning up a bloody murder. And since Aynsley’s dead, Alison is rewarded with the starring role! When Art stumbles across Alison’s new hobby, he looks just as confused by the production as, well, everyone but those actually participating in it. And that’s saying a lot because the guy is still trying to wrap his head around all these women who look like his former partner Beth. This musical? Way crazier than the existence of clones.

Still, you can count on Alison for the hookup when Sarah needs a gun. She meets up with her contact Ramon in a store parking lot. He pops his trunk, offering her some pills and then — pop goes layer two of Ramon’s trunk — something natural when she says she’s taking a break. She explains that she has a friend who needs a piece and, wouldn’t you know it, Ramon’s trunk has a section for that, too. But since Art interrupts Alison’s attempt to get the gun to Sarah, she has Ramon deliver it in a flower bouquet, with a handmade card, of course.

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COSIMA | Delphine is trying to woo her lover over to the Dyad. “Our relationship can be whatever we want. We have leverage,” she reminds her. But Cosima insists, “I do my own research. This is my biology. It’s my decision.” And her biology is starting to fail her. Now that Cosima is sick, Delphine’s manipulation monitor duties have taken on greater meaning. “Congratulations. I’m invested, which I’m sure is what you wanted,” she tells Dr. Leekie, sadness in her voice.

RACHEL | The newest member of Clone Club has an unusual relationship with Dr. Leekie, who seems to be below her in the Dyad food chain. Almost like a (cold) mother, she assures him that his speech at the event will be great. Then she takes over his office for a meeting with “the Koreans — both of them” and tells him, “The less you know about it, the better.”

Whatever she’s up to with the Koreans, it has something to do with this real-world news. “The recent supreme court decision characterizing the legal status natural versus synthetic DNA was the successful result of our lobbying strategies,” she assures them. “We are proceeding with the next trench of patent claims.”

HELENA | She’s aliiiive! The Ukrainian “monster” somehow survived getting shot — or at least survived enough to get herself to the hospital. Perhaps she has some of Kira’s special healing power? (Come on, there is totally something up with that kid.) Down the hall, one of the religious extremists watches, his belt buckle carrying the same fish symbol as Helena’s knife.

But that’s not the end: The episode closes with an unseen man readying Kira for a photograph.

Orphan Black fans, what did you think of Helena’s “resurrection”? Who has Kira? Do you dislike nosy Angie as much as I do? And did you catch creators Graeme Manson and John Fawcett’s cameo? (Dr. Leekie greeted them at the Dyad party.) Hit the comments with your thoughts and grade the season premiere below!