“I’m trying to stay away from guy drama and focus on school.” Jenna’s senior year philosophy lasted for about five minutes in Tuesday’s season premiere of Awkward, and it only took two little words to make it all come crashing down: Matty. McKibben.
As if there was any doubt in your mind that Hamiltoe was still hung up on her ex, their hookup in the episode’s final moments proved that America’s favorite couple — based on absolutely no polling whatsoever — is finally back in business. And now that Matty’s got that sweet after-school gig posing shirtless at the mall, their future is pretty much set. It’s a good thing, too, because neither one of them is ever getting into college.
Not doing quite as hot are Jake and Tamara, who accidentally broadcasted their weak fart of a sex life to the entire football stadium during the co-ed senior sleepover — which, by the way, is only a thing that could exist in a TV high school. Tamara eventually figured out she could pleasure herself via the aid of an electric toothbrush, though, so it looks like she and Jake will live to not reach climax another day! (That said, they are breaking up this season, so enjoy them while they last.)
Speaking of things that could only exist on television, let’s talk about Eva (pronounced “evah.”) Do we like her? I do so far, but once Jake and Matty start fighting over her like two hungry chipmunks with but a single acorn between them, I’ll probably change my tune.
Sadie, meanwhile, is someone I will never stop loving. As Awkward‘s new showrunners told TVLine, we learned that our girl Sadie hasn’t been totally honest about her status. More specifically, she’s not making her money from Twitter, “Kim Kartrashian”-style, but rather by selling German weeners out of a truck. She’s so real.
Other things I loved:
* Lissa’s 18-year-old “little brother” Mugabo… I mean, Tyler.
* Every single interaction between Sadie and Ally. I would gladly live with them.
* The many incredible masturbation euphemisms, especially Sadie’s “pearl-fishing in your red lobster.”
Awkward fans, what did you think of tonight’s premiere? Grade the episode below, then drop a comment with your full review.Follow @AndySwift