Glee Recap: To Schue, With Love

513Glee_Ep513-Sc38_0004This is how the New Directions era ends on Glee, not with a slushie, but a light switch.

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The William McKinley High choir room is closed for business, a victim of budget cuts and Principal Sue Sylvester. And so we say goodbye to Mr. Schuester — or at least his white board, his pep talks and his ripped-from-Wikipedia lessons about various pop stars. We bid adieu to Marley, Jake, Ryder, Unique and Kitty — even though the newbies’ departure really commenced when the show’s writers stopped having them speak six episodes ago. And we (presumably) say adios to Tina, Emma’s pamphlets, Figgins and Coach Beiste, the last of whom I’ll miss most of all. (Surely there’s a place for her as Coach’s new BFF on New Girl, no?)

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Anyhow, if you were too busy trying to rob a bank to pay your ticket to an ocean cruise for gay guys, here’s what you missed on the aptly titled “New Directions”:

ONE LAST WRONG-MINDED ATTEMPT TO SAVE THE SHOW CHOIR | Turns out Holly Holliday (Gwyneth Paltrow) is BFFs with Sue (!) — so close, in fact, that they made an Amazing Race audition tape together. And so Sue agrees to let Holly and April find a way to integrate music (and Schue) into other McKinley clubs. It all goes horribly awry, though, when Holly dresses up like Temple Grandin, hijacks the animal husbandry club meeting and then slips into American Hustle drag for a sexy, strobe-lit, soap suds-infused rendition of Eddie Murphy’s “Party All the Time.” Shortly thereafter, a flurry of strongly worded complaint letters land on Sue’s desk, and the dream of shoehorning show choir into other clubs screeches to its final halt.

A RACHEL-SANTANA TRUCE | Mercedes and Kurt perform a duet for New Directions members past and present, but it’s clear their “I Am Changing” is an intervention to end Rachel and Santana’s blood feud. Rachel caves first, agreeing to give her Funny Girl understudy 10 performances (of Santana’s choosing) after the show’s first three months, but Santana rejects the offer — demanding Rachel quit and leave her to be the Broadway star. Brittany, apparently a genius at more than math, questions her erstwhile girlfriend about why she’s fighting for a theater dream in which she’s never expressed a desire. Brittany also argues she and Santana should run away to the Isle of Lesbos, and that Santana walking away from her understudy role would be a victory, a message that she’s authentic to herself and unconcerned with other folks’ opinions. And so Santana quits the gig, returns the joy to Rachel’s Broadway dream and even duets with her sometime rival. What’s more, Santana ends the episode by turning the one-way plane tickets to Lesbos into round-trips — the place is really populated by German tourists, she discovers — and invites Brittany to move with her to NYC. It’s all a little abrupt, but I prefer Rachel-Santana as reluctant, catty pals than Thunderdome diva enemies, so alrighty then…

FRIENDS/CHUMS/ROMANCES | In a brutally funny moment, Tina gets knocked out cold by a show-choir trophy — did anybody see that coming? — and winds up hallucinating pretty much everybody who could/should move to NYC working at the Starlight Diner (via a Friends-esque sitcom setup called Chums — complete with opening credits). Tina’s anxiety dream is mostly caused by her rejection from her backup school/her being waitlisted at Brown. In the end, though, her Ivy League dreams come true — even if it means she won’t get to join Artie, Blaine and Sam when they head to the Big Apple. In other news, Blaine gets into NYADA. (I woulda loved to witness Madam Tibideaux’s reaction to Preppy McPrepsterson’s inevitable Katy Perry tune audition, wouldn’t you?) Artie starts composing a breakup text to Kitty the second he thinks he’s got a chance at a relationship with Holly. (Fret not, that prospect gets shut down in about 5 seconds, but it still doesn’t bode well for his romance with the sauciest Cheerio.) Brittany finally gets her degree (thanks to some behind-the-scenes wrangling from Santana.) And Quinn and Puck give the final performance in the rehearsal room — and decide to try to attempt a long-distance relationship. Good luck with that!

PARTING GIFTS | With New Directions all but kaput, Holly approaches soon-to-be film student Artie to cut together a video for Schue’s future child, in which all the New Directions kids offer fond memories and sweet tributes to the man who mentored them. It ends with a final performance of “Don’t Stop Believin'” that even made my cynical heart grow a few sizes by the time it finished. Mike and Brittany dance. Rachel and Kurt and Mercedes harmonize. Tina gets to belt — uninterrupted. And all is right in the world for a few moments. (Maybe I even felt a few teardrops forming in the corner of my eyes. Only my remote control knows for sure.) After that, we get a quickie graduation ceremony — the highlight of which is a Sue-Becky embrace that’s Rated A…for Awww — and finally, it’s just Sue and Schue in the empty rehearsal room. “Here for one last verbal beatdown?” he asks. But Sue doesn’t bite. Instead, she praises him as a worthy adversary — and one of the few people who could go the distance against her insane brand of vitriol. She even admits that he made a lot of kids’ lives better through his work in glee club. “You did what you could do here,” Sue says, finishing the thought, before revealing that she’s used her connections to get him an interview at Carmel High, for a spot as the coach of Vocal Adrenaline. Will he go for it? Time will tell. But with that, Schue imagines the voices of his favorite New Directions members (even Finn!) and their sweetest speeches, hits the light switch, and ends an era.

Episode’s Best Quotes
“If I wanted to watch men in Capri pants slobbering all over each other, I’d watch Monday Night Football.” –Tina, after catching Kurt and Blaine making out in the midst of her Friends-esque daydream

“That’s what I said sophomore year of high school!” –Kurt, responding to Rachel’s cry that she’s “never coming out” of the bathroom

“It looks like we can be expecting another accidental pregnancy sometime soon.” –Mercedes, witnessing Quinn and Puck’s lovey-dovey interaction

“There’s really only 100,000 of them, but each and every one of ’em is an uptight bitch.” –Sue, weighing in on controversial conservative advocacy group One Million Moms

Grades for This Week’s Musical Performances
Kurt and Mercedes: “I Am Changing” — Grade: A-
Holly & Co.: “Party All the Time” — Grade: C
Artie, Tina, Sam and Blaine: “Loser Like Me” — Grade: A (loved this stripped down version!)
Rachel and Santana: “Be Okay” — Grade: B (love these two women, but the camaraderie felt forced — or too soon in the wake of the slap heard ’round the Gleesphere)
Quinn and Puck: “Just Give Me a Reason” — Grade: A-
Will and New Directions: “Don’t Stop Believin'” — Grade: A-

What did you think of this week’s Glee? Which Lima character will you miss most? Sound off in the comments!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Steven says:

    It felt like a season finale. Does it mean next season will be the original cast in new York City

  2. Terri says:

    Does anybody know if Matthew Morrison will be back for season 6? He always was the anchor of the show, in my opinion. It’s a shame that they’re wasting his talent.

    • blah says:

      I know that he maybe be coming back later this season and he may return next season as well but as a guest star rather than a regular. I agree with you completely, its such a waste of his talent.

  3. LeahKittyS says:

    I muted the TV for the whole “Party All the Time” segment; I’m autistic and Temple Grandin is one of my heroes, so I didn’t appreciate Holly’s getup. Other than that, the show was great. The “Chums” segment may have been the best thing in the last 2 seasons. The musical numbers were awesome. So glad all the (surviving) originals are on their way to a happy ending. I don’t get why everyone hates Sam and Blaine; to me they are as authentic as the original cast. I will continue to watch until the end; last time I bowed out I was only pulled back in. Well done, Glee. I will miss you very music when the end comes for real.

  4. Daft_Punk says:

    Am I the only one who thought ‘Party All the Time’ was awesome?? I mean everyone looked hot (well maybe except for Gwyneth) and the dance moves were great. I am playing this in a loop for the past 2 hrs (maybe I love campy stuff).

    • abz says:

      No, you’re not alone. I actually loved it. I’m really gonna miss Gwyneth on the show. I hope they bring her back next season somehow

  5. Maz says:

    I want to send some love to the younger kids of McKinley – not everyone is a hater. Blake Jenner (Ryder), Melissa Benoist (Marley), Alex Newell (Wade/Unique), Jacob Artist (Jake) and Becca Tobin (Kitty) were wonderful additions to the show and very talented. Thank you all for what you did – you are part of New Directions too.

    • Katie says:

      I’m just going to say I agree about Jacob Artist and leave it at that.

    • LeahKittyS says:

      Up-vote. I didn’t quite warm up to them like I did the originals, but they were all talented actors and singers, and I wish them the best in their future projects.

    • mc says:

      So what’s gonna happen to them? Are they cut as series regulars? I mean, they all got promoted only this year, if I’m not mistaken right?

  6. WTH says:

    You don’t invite Kristin Chenoweth – a true singer – to this mess of a show only to cut her duet with Matthew Morrison of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Even Chenoweth was blindsided. So wrong.

  7. Cathy Viviano says:

    I love the tribute to Will and Emma’s future child! Very emotional episode :)

  8. RD says:

    Sad to see they couldn’t manage even one song for the newer glee kids. Despite their apparent lack of popularity, I find them all to be exceptionally talented as singers/dancers/performers. Seems like they got shoved off the stage (and the show) with little explanation and no visible remorse. Still think it’s a mistake to have “Glee” without a glee club. Makes no sense. Call the show something else and be done with it.

  9. Simon says:

    Aside…why did Puckerman stay in his military uniform the whole time? Didn’t he pack any other clothes for his return trip to Lima?! Also, it was a bit odd he had no interaction with his own brother, Jake. But I suppose there wasn’t time to give every character equal screen time. I do agree with a lot of the postings above, this would have been a great place to leave the series. Not sure about the whole New York reboot. I enjoy that part of the series. But is it going to be enough to carry Glee on for another entire season when it already feels like it is over? Hmm.

  10. blah says:

    I would actually give “loser like me” a B- and bump up “Be Ok” to an A- because I felt the stripped down version took away the emotion behind the original song and I just didn’t like how the singing parts were divided. Kevin’s voice is the only thing saving the song from dropping to a C- on my list. I thought Be ok was much better than a B because of the vocals, however, I understand what you mean by a forced/rushed friendship